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foldedmartyr

41 M Portland, OR

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–99
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 7:06pm
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Not at all
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, and very serious about it
Sign
Cancer, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Technology
Income
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Japanese (Poorly), German (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.

Earnest, candid, honest, and direct (but not rudely so, for reasonable values of "rude"); I actually care about things -- sometimes, too much. I value trust and mature, reciprocative dealings. I'm rational and thoughtful, self-aware and self-consistent, but also plenty emotional: I see many sides of things, many futures, and with distinct empathy. I can be a rock or an ocean. I can be at once bitter and/or sarcastic (generally playfully) as well as the most caring and kind hearted. I fall amusingly out of touch with common culture, and have little skill in small-talk, which means I want to talk about something, not that I won't talk easily. I don't care for make-up, but I use grammar, spelling, AND capital letters (more personal hygiene than make-up).



I'm open to many things, but my decisions are not all unmade. I can reconsider, but I don't really argue for fun. I value quality, but not pretense. I try not to look down on things just because they don't follow what I want (although some things demand derision). I still pick at things that undermine what I value, especially when pointlessly so. I'm low key, but still passionate. Friendship and dating don't have hard boundaries with me: I can handle a friendship/intimate relationship, and I consider friends commitments, so "dating" is more just labeling something as going well. Callings seem to include programming (but not enamored by technology) and teaching. Forests and mountains beat cities, though cities do have tastier restaurants, and a larger hope for kindred spirits, or at least activity friends. I don't seem to want to just be--I need to do, to make, to engage. Hope keeps me alive. Literally.



I favor polyamory: the idea that responsible, committed multi-partner relationships are not just possible, but worth the effort. Personally, I feel that the monogamous world-view, while a nice simplification, is generally more an unfortunate and insecure denial of people's value. Real connections to people are rare and very important to me -- I couldn't see limiting someone else's finding them just because I like their attention. Practically speaking, my mate (VioletChimaera) and I have an open, sex-/touch-/ogle-positive relationship, and we figure things out as opportunities arise. Of course, this is only relevant for people that might like to step outside friendship to one degree or another. Note that while her profile is here, it may not be visible to you right now, as she sometimes seeks peace from the barrage of straight dudes that lurch towards anything with some nice pictures.



I am a gamer, which is to say that I seek interesting decisions and actively engaging challenges, and the various avenues of gaming do more for me than anything else I've found. I don't require everyone to have experience here, but someone that has no interest at all lacks something I need and expect in people.



There are a lot of negative views of gaming, but I stand far from the obsessive, obnoxious, or militant prototypes and have no real interest in gambling or manipulating for gain. I interact with people directly: they are neither tools to explore a fantasy nor dumping grounds for trivia. I enjoy doing things with people because I enjoy people enjoying things, and games provide more engaging situations and frameworks for opposition. I also like sharing the things I enjoy, and I know how to teach and deal with the inexperienced so they feel involved. I don't teach people to play games just to squish them, and I don't play by alternating between doing nothing and wiping the floor with them. I try to keep things interesting. My video games, card games, and board games (mostly European games, wargames, and such strategic fare) are carefully chosen for things I value: you won't find Cards Against Humanity, Poker, Pictionary, Trivial Pursuit, Fluxx, Munchkin, or their ilk here. Such casual games don't do enough with my time.



Similarly, I value role playing games for making interesting characters, doing interesting things, and building stories. RPGs--the pen and paper kind, not computer RPGs or LARP--are good for people less satisfied by just taking things in, but they still usually get played by people who want to kill things and take their stuff, or those who just glory in themselves. This also makes it difficult to find much opportunity to play.



I also like Japanese animation (anime), and when I say that, I mean good anime and not the insipid stuff or the tentacle-/bimbo-heavy genres (redundant, but worth noting). There is probably too much bad anime out there for mentioning this interest to be as helpful as I'd like, especially as weak and poorly dubbed anime has become increasingly available, but even as dreck flows ever upward and outward, anime is still where I can most reliably turn for longer and more engaging stories, for interesting settings, and for meaningful emotions. Also, just because I like a fair bit of anime does not mean I am a Japanophile. I rarely favor things just for their relation to something else I like, except perhaps people, and I really don't do the excitable fan thing.



I enjoy being outside, walking/hiking around pretty places and taking pictures, although left to myself I don't get out too much. I would probably enjoy other such things, like maybe kayaking. Biking and skating are fun ways to get around.



So. I am decidedly not for everyone. Yet, someone might want to know me because I am a rare caring and emotionally available individual, mature and irreverent, flawed and accepting, intense and authentic, interesting and attentive, searching and reaching... I've been told a number of times that no one's really like I am, which confuses me because, well, there I am.



I've dealt with severe depression for a long time now, and both improvement and fortune come fleetingly, something I have to accept about my life, even as I work against it. Sometimes the losses come particularly harshly, and even as resilient as I am, it can be difficult to mask properly (especially, I've found, while e-mailing and attempting to be personal). That said, it has been less obvious of late, and I am thankful for the respite and always work towards keeping it like that; I just think it important to mention.



Myers-Brigs-Jung tests call me an INFJ which has some accuracy, if you care about that. Some say I am practically dead even on the F/T, J/P, and I/E axes; others skew me way, *way* towards I and N as well as being pretty far into the F and J. The latter claim better testing, but it's hard to tell which has the less horridly invalid world-view projecting questions. The "best type for you" test says I want an INFJ, which I suspect as pretty accurate, because I consider the best judge for myself to be how I would feel as my own friend/partner, and I don't accept being someone I wouldn't want. That leads to who I am, and I'm definitely not the type to view my own flaws more harshly in someone else. Rather, I sympathize and enjoy teaming up.



I long for those who can stand steadily by and say truly, "I know you. You are welcome here." I imagine someone like me will appreciate that I can and will return the favor. Even so, each new friend to share favorite games, stories, or ideas enriches my life, even the ones that can't really know me. So it goes.

What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Persevering. More specifically, for the moment, hating computers and the software industry. Looking for ways to change that (both the industry and what I am doing), and other things. Savoring the companionship I find, especially my dear mate and our Love. Seeking -- in myself, in the world. I am a librarian at heart. I very intentionally gather and preserve good things to enjoy and share. Sometimes the gathering distracts me from the enjoying, but my interest in sharing helps keep some pretense of balance.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Knowing myself. Seeing possibilities. Extrapolating and filling in. Lending support. Sharing. Hugging. Entertaining conflicting views. Extracting cores. Slicing to the center of things. Unifying. Weathering. Opening. Listening and hearing, in many ways. Complexity. Love.

I'm not, however, good at life in this world, wonder, or even always functioning. I'm getting by still, and it surely helped develop some of the better qualities, but package deal and all...
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!

They don't: my natural ninja skills are apparently so advanced that I can stand right at the counter at some shop and they will go to the person after me.



After asking a rare person that did notice me offline: apparently my "nerdish charm" and that I "seem smart and disaffected" are my front line items, so far. Eh, could be worse.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.

Favorites, as well as dislikes, provide important and informative lenses for observing people. Here are a few for me:



Authors/Books Roger Zelazny (Amber), Guy Gavriel Kay (Fionavar Tapestry), Nathaniel Hawthorne (Twice-Told Tales), Percy Bysshe Shelley, Edgar Allan Poe, Robin Hobb (Liveship Traders only), Elizabeth Boyer, Walter Jon Williams (Aristoi), C.S. Friedman (Black Sun Rising), Greg Bear (Songs of Earth and Power), Edward Gorey (The Gashlycrumb Tinies). Yeah, so I read mostly fantasy/sci-fi--at least it's more interesting than here. I hate the pseudo-word "blog" and am none too fond of what it entails either. The popularity of Harry Potter makes me sad.



Movies The Dark Crystal, Ladyhawke, Time Bandits, Highlander (original/first only), The Brotherhood of the Wolf, Brazil, Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail, The Great Race, Big Trouble in Little China, Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai, Some Kind of Wonderful, Tron (original), Hero, Pirates of the Carribean (first only), The Princess Bride, The Incredibles, The Adventures of the Amazing Screw-On Head, City of Lost Children, A Tale of Two Sisters (Janghwa, Hongryeon). I still don't see why people fawn over Clerks and the like, and shocking as this may be, one can find Kill Bill weak and unlikable without falling under the "didn't get it" excuse blanket. Seems like most movies make me want to strangle the characters or the writers, usually both. Eg, Avatar. Scenic, but ick.



Music Loreena McKennitt, Clannad, David Arkenstone, Cusco, Mannheim Steamroller, Rasa, Krishna Das, Pink Floyd, Queensryche, Harry Chapin, Lacuna Coil, Tangerine Dream, Dmitry Shostakovitch, Anton Dvorak, Bela Bartok, Igor Stravinsky... I enjoy music much, especially Celtic, New Age (when it not soulless, boring and/or overly smooth jazz), and Classical. Overly loud, pounding, thrashing, or piercing things bother me, often even physically so. I have good, sensitive hearing. I wonder sometimes if I'm the only one left.



Foods Thai, Indian, Mexican (pref. Tex-Mex), Chinese, Italian (apologies to all those cultures for making them food keywords :). I should probably also mention potatoes specifically: I'm known to order potatoes with potatoes. I dislike Sushi on principle and have always found Buffalo wings reeking with nastiness. I'm not much more against eating animals than animals are, although I do prefer them in more unrecognizable forms, and I tend away from red meat. We should be past our cruel ways of getting meat--growing it in vats, rather than mangling creatures--and I look forward to that day. I also dislike alcohol, coffee, and rarely drink soda, and don't feed me some line about things being an acquired taste just because you can't grasp how noxious they are to me.



Anime The Five Star Stories, Laputa, Twelve Kingdoms, X, His and Her Circumstances, Memories, Higurashi no Naku Koro ni (and "... Kai"), Angel Sanctuary, Nausicaa, Crest of the Stars, Haibane-Renmei, El-Hazard, Read or Die (the OAVs), Kino's Journey, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Ranma 1/2 (first season), Escaflowne, Vampire Princess Miyu (the OAVs). Distasteful: Gurren Lagann, Code Geas, Ponyo, Fruits Basket, Dragon Ball Z, and oh so much more.



Games Board/Card games: Age of Steam, Tigris and Euphrates, Carcassonne, El Grande, Die Macher, Glory to Rome, Tichu, Indonesia, Friedrich, Sword of Rome, Tikal/Java, Doppelkopf, Durak, Kaivai, Yinsh. RPG: Ars Magica, Earthdawn. Video Games: Soul Calibur, Virtual On, Total Annihilation, Kohan: Ahriman's Gift, Master of Orion, Blur, Outland, and shoot 'em up games (which lack a representative favorite). I don't go for live-action RPG (LARP), and computer RPGs are a travesty, especially the online (MMO) variety.



TV The Daily Show, Doctor Who (old series, not new), Venture Brothers (s1-s3), Archer (1st season), Monty Python, Kids in the Hall, Red Dwarf (early), The Tick, Duckman, Frisky Dingo (1st season only). TV generally just fills me with loathing. So does much of American content. What the heck, I'll throw in some ugly specifics here too, to make sure I've properly alienated everyone (not that I want/like that specifically--it's just, why do people get so into things that just feel awful to me?): Buffy, X-Files, Farscape, Lexx, Law and Order (and all the rest of those), Battlestar Galactica, Alias, every "reality" show, King of the Hill, sitcoms, gameshows, "news" programs, sports programs...



Yeah, I can be a curmudgeon. Shocking, that. I also don't describe myself or things I like/do using derivatives of "geek," "nerd" or "dork" -- especially as verbs. That trend has been almost as annoying as "blogging" and "podcasting". Useless, desperate words.

The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.

A notebook, my cats (who fortunately can't read, so they don't know I just called them 'things'), a computer carrying the accumulated knowledge and art of civilization, hope (which might as well be a thing for all the effort I spend manufacturing it), emotional connection, and engaging interests. You might think I could take notes with the computer and forget the book, eh? I used to list pain here, but have reached a place where it isn't a constant companion.



You'd also think that pointing out we can--and do--easily do without these would be irritatingly unnecessary. C'mon people, don't live in such tiny, literal boxes: communication means both minds bridging the gaps to share meanings.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.

Everything. Sometimes that's good, sometimes less so. I have lists of projects in various states of design, and if I'm not taking down notes, my mind will keep going over things until I do. I spend a lot of thinking-time manufacturing hope too, I suppose. As I said, hope is important. I think about how I can break and overcome my negative traits, how I can free myself from my chains, and where/how I can find/create meaning in this world.



For example: I wonder how people can be so desperate for new/outside groups/reinforcement that paganism looks useful (What does religion offer that doesn't come as easily from simply being part of the world and touching others? Is it just the greater pandering to the self?). I wonder why people put holes/doodads in themselves just to make a statement (What statement? "I stick things in myself to make a statement." ... Yes, congratulations.). I wonder why people don't see that "extreme" things implies never "enough." I wonder why women let the fashion industry exist, especially when it seems trying to make them look like horrifically painted little boys, and similarly, why women wear low-hip stuff when it destroys so many of their beautiful curved lines--so much beauty lost for a little more skin. I wonder how power/violation gets so intrinsically tied into some people that they go for BDSM, when there are already such deeply savorable depths in pleasure (probably the "extreme" again). I wonder how people's vision narrows to the confinement of a "scene." I wonder why, when I come to a "scene", I never feel as others do. I'm just not a scene person, I suppose.

On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Not treating it terribly differently from other nights, which are not particularly patterned. I know that's not a very interesting answer. So it goes.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!

I'm not especially private about things. It matters little what people think of me as long as they see me accurately. Sadly, most people don't deal well with most things, so I don't exactly broadcast either: I'm there if anyone wants to look.



I've marked my profile as bisexual. I'm confident my sexuality does span the gender spectrum, but I've been reluctant to mark myself that way because I don't yet have actual experience to "prove" it, and there's no denying my attraction and interest are so heavily slanted towards womanly aspects as to leave one wondering how much others might matter. But it would be fun, were I to get involved with the right person.



Also, I have a tendency to show people themselves without illusions, especially their own... More likely the closer I become to someone or the more we do emotional work together (where it is often pretty much necessary to such work succeeding). Even though I don't need these illusions to value someone, and I remain clear that I do value them and my connection with them, somehow this often leads to their tearing down the relationship between us and I lose them. I do not yet entirely understand the process there, nor do I know whether I should expect change in myself for it, beyond being more cautious on whom I trust with handling such interaction.

You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.

Statistically speaking, you probably shouldn't (and my sampling so far supports that... I never did like statistics), but then reading this far, as I understand, is statistically unlikely anyway, so maybe that's out of the way. Let's not live by statistics. We have all come here seeking people, and should we be each other's right kind of people, it would be a shame to pass time that could be spent as friends. Real friends enrich my life, and I value them enough to spend time seeking them out. My wife and/or I are also available for various levels of more than just friendly involvement, but that is strictly optional. People that want to be strictly friends are quite welcome, as are people that aren't sure where they fall. We'll figure out what works for all of us and enjoy whatever it ends up being. Probably friends.



We would especially like to find couple friends. Obviously, two interesting, connected people are better than one, but there's also more balance, and four is a perfect number for so many games. Lots of advantages.



Anyway, this section is for describing my kind of person. Let us get to that, but remember, friends do not need as deep of a connection or close of a match as partners do.



Not a cookie cutter person, but a kindred spirit. Someone with whom to build our own twisted castles in the sky -- and maybe one or two that touch the ground if we can find a high enough spot. Not a drone, and independent enough that the being independent itself isn't important either. That is, neither convention nor unconvention drive your choices (although convention may sometimes have a time tested value). "Hip" and fashion live by the herd, for or against. Preferably, herding annoys you.



You are intelligent enough that you aren't impressed with your intelligence. You actively and by choice think, and will talk and write with (that's "with," not "at") me about this world and others. You enjoy sarcasm, irony, and a bitter wit tempered by genuine caring (because I have those in spades). You are not content with a stunted attention span and prefer things of an engaging nature.



You have more interest in books than in bars or clubbing, and know that music is made to be heard, not felt jarring bones. You likely don't get much from watching sports either, but might be passably athletic, and perhaps have some interest in martial arts, or occasional biking or rollerblading. At least, walking in a park or hiking some trail should be welcome. Maybe you can teach me to be someone who dances, at least when we are alone.



You can understand that the severe clinical depression I generally suffer from has hindered me doing much of what I want--or hope--to do, and places many unwelcome burdens on me. I simply will never be a happy all the time, easily amused type. You might have some similar problems of your own, which I would gladly accept and help you endure in turn. I really mean that too. That seems only fair, after all, but also is something I am genuinely pretty able to deal with--more so than many. Not that I am just seeking someone to fix, but I know the loneliness of hurting, and it's important to me to take the opportunities to break such isolation in others, as I wished others might have done for me. I live as I feel the world ought to be. I can teach you to trust; bring me your broken dreams. I can weather your despair; come and know safety. Have a wonderful life? I'll cheer you on (well, quietly).



You can put up with occasional rants about how everything moves away from what I value about it, and similar wishing for redeemable attributes in the world. We probably help each other not to care about what the rest of the world does with itself (or we can figure out how to change it).



You don't have to have a deep interest in computers, but I doubt it's really good for me to suppress all computer related conversations, so it would be best if you could care about my concerns. You also don't have to feel a similar need to make things, but you do need to take part in, or have some interest in, my projects, because my own interest is not generally enough for me to actually work (sad but true). This does not mean you need to (or should) feed my ego (or anything like that--ever): just care and be interested. I need that. I hope you can let me find what you need. I can do things for others that I cannot for myself.



Preferably someone in my area, but finding someone really like me outweighs degrees of separation.



Someone who realizes that these answers take effort and time for both our benefits, rather than "just spouting off" or other such projected self-aggrandizing: it's lengthy because I've tried to produce what needs to be here to connect and to draw out certain kinds of people, not because I love typing (or myself). Really, you hardly need to be all these things either. If you are or would want to be many of them, then we should at least try contact...



On the other hand, you could always just message me because I know the meaning of life. I hear there's some minor value in that.