I'm really an old man stuck in a late-20s body. I drink whiskey, eat bacon, smoke cigarettes, bitch about kids and joint pain, play Canasta, talk about the glory days, and I am incapable of censoring myself. Most men wait until they're close to death to stop caring what other people think, but why should the elderly have all the fun?

I hate poor grammar and spelling. I can deal with it here and there, but consistently poor English is a real put-off. I've developed a sort of uncontrollable ire for people who spell "definitely" with an "a" (i.e. "definately"). LOOK AT THE ROOT WORD: "FINITE" YOU MORONS!!!!!

I love being outdoors, but as of late I've been doing less and less outdoor activities. My winter hobbies are quite expensive and I don't work much between November and April; whereas, my summer hobbies are free, but I have little to no time away from work.

Recently, it's come to my attention that I'm becoming a fatass, so I've started an XBOX Kinect work-out regimen-- it's more effective than one might think, and it's cheaper than most of the alternatives. I've tried restricting my diet, but that may be a lost cause. About the only real change I've stayed consistent on is cutting my beer consumption in half and replacing it with low-carb mixed drinks.

Until recently I was studying Mathematics at UW-Milwaukee, but I've taken this year off to reevaluate. I received my associates from UW-Rock two years ago and was accepted to UW-Madison for their Forestry program and I've thought about returning to that route.

I was a bartender until very recently, and I am currently a professional painting contractor.

I want to eventually own a microbrewery. Hopefully before I'm in my late-30s.

I'm also working very hard at not becoming a cargo shorts, baseball cap, and polo shirt-wearing, incessantly lawn-mowing, budweiser-drinking douchebag, suburbanite father. I think it's going pretty well, especially considering I don't live in the suburbs, I hate budweiser and baseball caps, and I don't have any kids.

angry rants, writing, singing (death metal or black metal only), and definitely drinking.

Generally, my facial hair is the first. I like to change it up a lot, but it is usually pretty outrageous.

a: My favorite fiction authors are Chuck Palahniuk, Christopher Moore Kurt Vonnegut, J.R.R. Tolkien, Michael Moorcock, and George Orwell. On the non-fiction end, I like social commentaries, brewing manuals, biographies (usually of revolutionaries), and military histories.
b: Död Sno, The Way of the Gun, Låt Den Rätte Komma In, anything by Guy Ritchie, anything by or with Gene Wilder and/or Mel Brooks, the Die Hard series, the Aliens series, Lord of the Rings (which includes the new live-action and the old, crappy cartoons), Star Wars (original saga), most Kevin Smith movies, and (of course) Monty Python.
c. I just got Netflix recently, so I'm getting into a lot of different TV shows these days. Stuff I've picked up recently include Psych, 30 Rock, Sons of Anarchy, and Rescue Me. However, my favorites will never change: Futurama, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Archer, The Daily Show, and House.
d: I listen to underground metal more than anything else, but I'm also big into classic rock, underground rap, and a little bit of a lot of other genres. My favorite artists/groups are Busdriver, Hypocrisy, and Rage Against the Machine
e: meat

Beer, asshole friends, music, Matt Groening cartoons, tasty animals, and...
ummm...
Übernostrum (it tastes like candy, among many other fine and dandy--albeit unbelievable-- qualities)

The future-- mostly to do with starting a brewery. And the apocalypse, mostly drawing mental strategies about how to thrive in the coming doom. I would be so good at killing zombies.

I'm trying to save money, so usually playing video games and drinking at home. Or going out drinking and spending money I don't have.

I'm watching through all the Star Trek series on Netflix right now. I had never seen any of them, and I was curious what all the fuss was about. However, please, PLEASE, don't let this sway your opinion of me; I am not a Trekkie. I am still, and will forever be a Star Wars nerd.

I guess the best answer is if you were interested by anything I said previously. Or you're ridiculous in new and hilarious ways.

DO NOT message me if you're eye-wateringly dull. Also, no religious nuts, radical left-wing doomsayers, radical right-wing crackpots, hardcore druggies, straight-edgers, or anyone else who likes to pretend they live in a black and white world. The only things that are black and white are dalmations. And zebras. Certain cows, albino tigers, actually quite a few things in the animal world. You get my point.