I'm looking for a friend, lover, confidant, dinner date, travel companion, vacation arm candy, winery accomplice, museum/fine arts enabler, clothing store consultant, and somebody willing to receive spontaneous though wildly inappropriate texts that will make you laugh but also make you hate yourself for doing so. In return, I will kill spiders, investigate noises, carry groceries, listen to your complaints, and keep your feet warm in bed.
After a LOT of trial and error, I've come up with a few preferences that I'm looking for in a match. These are rather flexible since the most fulfilling dates and/or relationships I've ever had came from women I initially thought I had nothing in common with. That said, I'd prefer somebody with a thin or athletic body type, my height or shorter, with kids of their own, and financially secure. For some reason, I feel a lot more comfortable with women who are (or act!) 5-10 years younger than I am, especially since I am maturity-challenged. The preferred candidate should be equipped with a quick wit and an absurd yet improper sense of humor. I'm fairly liberal in politics, but that should not be a problem if you're open to dialogue and new ideas. I'm a biker (the pedal kind), hiker, gym rat and hockey participant (I don't want to get real hockey "players" mad at me), but I don't expect you to feel you have to go with me. Physical activity is how I relax. I don't remember the last time I went to a happy hour, unless it was on a date.
So I really don't have a "type". However, I do have a list of NON-types. Please pass me by if any of them apply to you.
1) A dude (in drag or otherwise)
2) Married - As in, your husband doesn't know you're single.
3) One of those batsh#t crazy Tea Partyers
4) Smoker. Smoking while drinking is ok as long as it's not in bed and then it depends what part of you is smoking. ;-)
5) Uber AAA++++ hard charging people who love power and expensive stuff and the people who have it. Totally not me.
6) Religious or non-religious zealot
7) Kid haters
8) One eyed hermaphrodite ax murderers. You know who you are.
Did I mention I still have free flight benefits to anywhere in the WORLD? I'd hate to have that extra seat go to waste...
Quick update: Why does everybody live in Maryland? You might as well be on the moon the way traffic is around here. Please live relatively close. I have risked my life and sanity on The Bridge of Agony too many times already. Though...maybe just one more time.....