The first and most important thing you need to know about me is that I am awesome. That is scientific fact. There's no real evidence for it, but it is scientific fact.

The second thing you need to know about me is that I write a lot. It's just the way I am. So this profile is long. Do not worry: there will not be a test. I have considered setting a test, but that would be pointlessly cruel.

I'm not going to disclose my real name here, but you may call me 'you'. You may not call me 'u'. If you're cute you can call me anything you like. Except 'u'. If I can call you Betty, then Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al.

Since the first thing you are going to look at is my pictures, I suppose I should give some physical description of myself that the photos don't show. But I'm not really the person to ask, am I? I am 18 hands tall from sole to crown, but you can see that from the sidebar. In motion, I might be graceful like a swan or graceful like a hippo: I don't know. I have a pretty soft, fairly deep voice with a hard-to-place accent (though most people at least agree I sound Scottish). Also my eyes change colour. Not depending on the light; they rapidly strobe all sorts of different colours. And shoot laser beams. Ok, that bit about my eyes might be false. Generally, though, I find that photographs are existent objects in their own right with qualities independent of their subject, which is a fancy way of saying people can look good or bad in pictures without necessarily looking like that in real life.

After a wee stint of being a goth, I've decided to try being a me. It's a lot more comfortable, although I still have a soft spot for goth aesthetics, as well as parts of the lifestyle. I like computers and Linux, but know better than to go on about them to people who aren't interested. This makes me, as far as I know, unique among geeks. I also have a strong interest in tagging things on my OKC profile, even if OKC doesn't even do anything with the tagging any more, the buggers.

I am instinctively liberal and egalitarian, but I am opposed to movements for social progress that couch the issues in positions of hostile adversarialism. I also think that anyone who thinks their freedom of expression somehow protects their expression from criticism is sorely missing the point of freedom of expression. I am more interested in why people hold certain opinions than in what those opinions are. I am technically agnostic but identify more as atheist (although depending on the meanings you attach to those terms, they might not be mutually exclusive anyway).

One of my three adjectives (back when OKC had three adjectives) was 'self-contradictory', but in some ways I'm not; I'm very interested in disassembling contradictions: things we take for granted in our culture as polar opposites sometimes aren't so mutually exclusive after all.

Case in point: OKC thinks my personality is both more mathematical and more artsy and literary than people my age, gender and orientation. I've never understood why you have to be just one or the other.

I don't get people who describe themselves as "laid-back". Isn't everyone laid-back about some things, intense about others? I know I am. Generally, I like people who see themselves and the world in all its glorious colours, not just in black and white.

My hobby is telling people I am from the future.

I am no longer, constrained by, and three adjectives

I'm trying to finish a PhD in interactive storytelling, which is super-fun, but also gruelling. I'm also in the planning stage of an interactive story / video game I'd like to realise one day, but I don't get as much time to work on it as I'd like.

That being said, my reason for being here is to find people with whom I can do things other than work. You might think, "Oh, he's doing a PhD. He must be too busy to do things." The fact is, though, that if I don't take the time to relax and have fun with friends, I will turn into a katamari of nerves and explode. Literally. Given that most of my friends are now over 100 miles away, coupled with the fact that I'm a bit shy, that's why I'm here.

Being empathetic. At least, I think that's what she said. Maybe it was just 'pathetic'. It's kind of a mixed blessing, but I think it's mostly good.

Talking bollocks in a way that makes it sound like I know what I'm talking about. This is a useful skill, and so far I've done three years of a PhD without anyone catching on.

I'm not good at saying what I'm good at, but if you asked other people they'd probably say I'm good at analytical thought, and that I have a calming influence.

I used to know π to 32 decimal places. This does not qualify as something I am good at, but something I used to be good at. Sigh. Lost glories...

I'd like to be really good at making music, but I have about eleventy-jillion different directions I want to go in with that, and as a result I haven't really done anything new in about eight years. But perhaps that will change, if only I find the right muse. Or the time. Mostly the time, if I'm honest.

My hair. It's so damn pretty and you're jealous of it, right?

I have two pretty obvious scars on my forehead. No-one ever mentions them (I haven't had to explain how I got them in a while, and just after I thought up an interesting lie, too!), but I'm sure they notice them.

After that, they probably notice that I can be quite quiet. I can have animated conversations with people one-on-one, but in a group I'm usually content not to be the centre of attention.

When I do open my mouth, I suppose they notice my accent. Well, they used to. Not so much now that I'm back in Scotland. Though a little bit. My accent is somewhat hard to place. I definitely don't sound like I'm from Edinburgh, but I don't really sound like I'm from anywhere else specific, either.

I guess I need to rewrite this because a long list isn't much fun.

I do like to read books, but I'm not such a fan of talking about them. I always feel like asking people to read books I've read is asking them to make more of an investment than recommending other media. I can consume other media with people, but reading is by and large a solitary experience. That said, I'm currently rereading The Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch by Philip K. Dick. I like Dick. Oh, stop sniggering. I also like Haruki Murakami and Terry Pratchett's Discworld. I would like to read some more Neal Stephenson and Stanislaw Lem. Nonfictionally, aside from the stuff I have to read for my PhD, I especially like books about science, sociology, music and religion.

I do like movies. Having talked about Philip K. Dick up there, I should say that I've never read anything of his that I've seen adapted to a film. But how do I feel about those films? Mixed. Blade Runner and A Scanner Darkly are obviously great, and, well, I liked Minority Report, but I think Paycheck is one of the most execrable pieces of cinema ever produced. If we can, please, just get off the topic of Dick for a moment, I can tell you that my favourite film is probably Pom Poko and I generally like Studio Ghibli's output. I also like Satoshi Kon. Apart from that, while I am capable of engaging with highbrow cinema almost-convincingly, I do admit to also having the childlike opinion that lasers and spaceships make a film automatically good.

Don't get me started on music. I have, it's fair to say, a fairly diverse taste. Gothy ebm, indie, alt. country, Russian choral music, bubblegum pop; it's all open for consideration. Basically, if you're that interested, go ahead and last.fm me. I used to say The Birthday Massacre was my favourite band, but recently I've been listening a lot to The Delgados. I was recently introduced to Jens Lekman, whom I had never even heard of before. I like him. I also like Momus, The National, Mogwai and Sigur Rós. I have a rather geeky taste for video game music and am semi-unembarrassed to like MOSAIC.WAV - they make me happy! The #1 song when I was born was Eye of the Tiger by Survivor. This I also like.

Speaking of games, I have decided that my favourite is Persona 4 because, despite its fantastical elements, it's just so human. I suppose I generally like games with strong stories (whether embedded or emergent), but I also like Batman: Arkham City because, as hit-and-miss as the writing is, you get to be Batman! Apart from stories, I like games with a strong sense of place that I can explore. I'm not very competitive, so if I'm playing with other people, I'd rather play cooperatively. This really goes back to what I was saying about books. My interest in multiplayer is about sharing the experience of playing. In the Google tradition of using site names as verbs, go ahead and Darkadia me.

My favourite shows are West Side Story, Cats, and... Oh, right, it means TV. So, I like Doctor Who, Fringe, Life on Mars/Ashes to Ashes and various other things with a good balance of sci-fi, mystery, drama and being funny, so obviously Joss Whedon's stuff (to be honest never was a huge fan of Buffy and never saw Angel, but definitely Firefly and Dollhouse). I am quite liable to throw around quotes from Spaced. I also like some anime, such as Sumomomo Momomo, Elfen Lied and Black Cat.

As food goes, I've been a vegetarian for thirteen years (but let me be clear that I don't care what anybody else eats). And no, I don't eat Quorn; it's actually just about the only thing I'm allergic to. I don't have many particular favourites. Getting a pitta and loading it up with houmous, lettuce, cucumber, cherry tomatoes, goats' cheese and avocado is really nice. As is Italian in general. I'm not a health freak when it comes to food (or, really, to anything), but I try not to just eat junk either. I also have very strong opinions about people who insist I spelled pitta or houmous incorrectly, there.

First and foremost would have to be the internet. I have no idea how I survived before it. I'm really interested in the social dynamic of it, but I also love how it makes it easier than ever to continue learning post-schooling. That which was always considered such an admirable quality is something we can now take for granted. Of course, some people still don't use that opportunity, but they are Boring People, and we Don't Like Them, do we?

Videogames are very important to me. If you think they're a waste of time, you're a waste of time and so's your mum. That said, the majority of my thoughts about videogames aren't so much about how great they are but about how they could be better.

My music collection (though I could do without DRM, and in fact do, since we apparently won) and my various tools of music creation are very important to me. I'm not much good at drawing and although I do write, I find creative writing quite hard, so music is really my main creative outlet.

Foreign language dictionaries are an absolute necessity for me. Although I don't get much chance to use foreign languages, I think different languages provide whole different sociopsychological contexts, so knowing at least something of foreign languages is important to keep from having thinking that is too ethnocentric.

My friends probably should come higher than fifth on this list, but ordering is a fairly arbitrary construct, n'est-ce pas? They are awesome people who never fail to make me laugh, even when I think I don't want to, and they all have that quality of being incredibly intelligent but also all about fun, which is what I aspire to. TheAly is the only friend I can link here, because the rest are too shy to tell me their OKC usernames. Pussies.

Coffee. I went through a phase of being a tea-drinker, but coffee has lured me back. It's a wonderful thing. I like my coffee like I like my women: bitter, addictive, and will probably cause me a heart attack one day.

How to quantify the essentially unquantifiable. Doing science to subjective responses.

Why people still use the phrase "turn of the century" to refer to the turn of a different century.

Games, and particularly the unique narrative potentials of the medium which literature and film could never do.

Music, and planning for when I'm going to get back into making stuff.

Logic - I probably love formal (mathematical) logic more than informal reasoning, but philosophy in general is one of my many cups of tea, and I love tea!

Science. It's what we need more of. What we need less of is alarmist anti-science types who don't even know the science they're protesting and often don't even have the most basic understanding of what science is.

Etymology excites me. I come up with really bizarre theories about the relatedness of words in different languages that may or may not have any basis in fact.　Etymology, but also languages in general.

The romance of post-apocalyptica, the calm after the storm as ashes fall like hot ghost snow, the humble and warm survivor solidarity, the utilitarian and spartan aesthetic of post-apocalypse society. Of course I would never wish for such an event, but, damn, it's a beautiful fiction in its own way.

Religion. Specifically why anyone would adopt an ontological position without being prepared to defend it. I don't have a problem with religion, but I do have a problem with it being above question.

Extra Stuff... Like why I can have a maximum possible match of 82% with someone on here, but an actual match of 84% with the same person. Okay, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about that, but it's better than the tedious "Wah, why am I not 100% match with myself?"

Playing imagination games.

I no longer cheat at quickmatch since it seems my method of cheating no longer works. That's ok. It's only quickmatch.

But I suppose I should admit something else, here, instead. Hm... I am very lepidopterophobic. I don't mind them if they're outside, but if they fly in through a window or something, I will totally freak out and have to run out of the room screaming like a schoolgirl.

I also suffer from very mild depression. It's kind of always been mild and it's (with help) got even milder over the past couple of years, but I still have lows. It's not really a big deal for me - maybe I need a few more hugs than most people - but I bring it up because so many people suffer far more severely than I do and I support stopping the stigma.

1) You tripped and fell and accidentally sent me a message. It's ok. It happens.

2) You want to talk. Or want to point out what's wrong with my profile. Or want to point out what's wrong with me. Or want to tell me which particular brand of hell you think I'm going to burn in.

3) You are not actively pursuing a relationship. Or are pursuing one, just not with me. Or are pursuing one with me and don't mind disappointment. Or are married to me and I'm just somehow unaware of it and our three children who are for some reason dressed like Victorian street urchins. Or are a creepy stalker. Actually, don't message me if you're that last one. Just go away. Unless you're also cute.

4) You want to drag me away from the internet and do something fun. A lot of my interests are less than cleverly hidden in plain sight in this profile, so, you know, go ahead.

5) I have visited your profile but not said anything. I have a rule that I don't send a message unless I can easily think of something to say. That, to me, indicates that we might have something to talk about, which is far more interesting than a heavily contrived message I've had to think about too much. But if you think we have something to talk about that I've missed, go ahead.

Actual lines I am ashamed to say have worked on me in the past include such stunning messages as:-

* "Wanna make out?"
* "You remind me of someone in my WoW guild."
* "I love you."
* "Let's talk about uni stuff."

So you have a fairly low bar to beat. If you can write something better than that, you're golden. Compliments are gratefully received, but they're hardly conversation-starters, are they? For less pressure, you could comment on my journal, or even send me a message that is a comment about something in my journal.

It is trendy to write about why you shouldn't message me. It's what all the cool kids are doing. But I'm not going to do that, partly because by this point if you want to message me you are either precisely the kind of person I want to hear from or aren't going to read this far, and partly because I don't think I can think of much more unattractive than that kind of negativity. And unattractiveness would be a poor reflection of me, wouldn't it? Just nod and smile.

Generally, if you have something to say to me, go ahead and say something.