Wondering whether I actually want to be a professor when I grow up
(which I may delay by seeking a postdoc). Learning cello
. Trying to grok polyamory
aided by timpany
--we are Important to
each other, but in a secondary and long-distance (and therefore
occasional) fashion, and we're not planning to change that. Dancing
and a little blues
. Learning to sing Schubert
. Studying ancient kung fu
into the mountains
. Learning to top
. Experimenting with
more, driving less.
Learning to teach. Travelling (here are some of my pictures)
Trying to figure out relationships is important to me. I am some
variety of polyamorous, but that word demands further explanation.
So this is what polyamory means to me. Perhaps this could serve as
a conversational boiling chip?
Humans are not monogamous, but it's very common in modern America
to expect monogamy of your partner. How do you resolve that
conflict? One extreme is to agree to minimise the risk of becoming
interested in anyone else (with varying degrees of denial and
ugliness if that fails). The opposite extreme seems to be to learn
to replace jealousy with compersion (the failure modes seem to
revolve around communicating poorly and not making enough time).
Are there other approaches? Where along the spectrum in between
extremes would you be happiest?
My experience so far has led me to a new understanding of
myself--especially the knowledge that a solid relationship need not
be threatened by a third person. I love the ease with which I can
see people (and relationships) not for what I want them to be, but
for what they are or could be.
I believe that my ideal situation is a long-term committed
relationship that is open to a few other important people, and
occasional shorter-term, but still meaningful, adventures. I have
no idea where fate will take me in a year, so I don't expect to
find that right now (it could happen; I'm just not counting on it).
But a short-term relationship that teaches me something and is
mutually enjoyable I'd regard as a success. I am happy being a
secondary or low-priority partner--I don't demand much time or
energy--but I need to connect with someone intellectually before
I'll enjoy sex.
I am open to a primary relationship, perhaps even a temporarily
monogamous one if that seemed best to all concerned parties. That's
a new idea to me, suggested by timpany
; I'd especially love to hear from
anyone with experience with it.
If you think there's a chance that we might get along brilliantly,
or you just want to chat about stuff, go hiking, make music, eat
something, see a concert, etc, with me, please do drop me a note.