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fugue137

39 M Halifax, Nova Scotia, CA

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 20–40
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Sep 18
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 2″ (1.87m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Education
Graduated from Ph.D program
Job
Science / Engineering
Income
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), French (Okay), German (Poorly), Latin (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Open relationship? I have no objections in principle to one-night-stands or casual hookups, but I tend not to be drawn to them. I'm looking for deep long-term connections, although deep-ish short-term connections ("short-term dating"?) are pretty cool as well... more on that somewhere below...

I will be moving to Boston for a postdoc, but at the moment I'm still in Boulder, and some part of me will remain here. Whatever that may mean for the future, I still and always love meeting new people and having interesting conversations. For the forseeable future I'd love to find my karass in Boston. And also in Halifax, N.S., where my family lives, to which I return regularly, and where I'm especially interested in finding friends and activity partners. Come sailing with me!

I used to believe that I wanted to learn everything. But knowledge is fractal; a universe hides in a cacao bean, in the way fingers touch a violin, in the turbulent air behind a bicycle. I used to find new subjects to learn about every day, but these days I am digging a little deeper. Or perhaps I'm just lazy.

What occupies my thoughts? I am somewhere between science and engineering, building robot brains that can teach themselves some of the same tricks that are part of your fascinating mind (so I can render you obsolete (mwahaha etc.)).

I love human-powered, noncompetitive "sports", although I used to be one of Canada's finest swordsmen. I love Colorado's mountains, the highlands of Newfoundland, the Sierra Nevada, and generally trekking through wild places. I love oceans, and have sailed thousands of miles in the Atlantic. I bike more than I drive. My other primary interest is music, at which I'm working hard after a long hiatus.

I would like to live for a long time, and be physically and mentally at my peak for as much of it as possible. As a knowledge worker, one of my interests is trying to build a healthy lifestyle around too much time with the physical tools of knowledge consumption and creation (sitting at a desk kills). I finally have time to learn about and implement healthy habits in diet, exercise, sports, sleep, friendship, personal balance... More than that, I'm fascinated by social, eco[logical|nomic], urban, health, and environmental policies that foster societies that maximise social welfare outcomes on all scales and throughout the biosphere. I'm toying with some ideas on this subject from the complex-adaptive-systems perspective, but as of this writing I've just been reading and thinking: no concrete output yet. Want to toss ideas around?

I'm quiet, contemplative, shy, flirtatious under the right conditions. I am always working to make my communication more open, honest, curiosity-driven, and compassionate, and highly value that in others.

I'm not actively looking for The One, but I'm actively looking for good conversation and adventures of various kinds, ideally with women with whom there might be some sort of potential for at least some light flirtation. If more than friendship happens I'll be delighted, but I will not try to force a relationship to become something it's not, nor end a good one because it's more casual or more serious than I'd first imagined. And if I find The One, I believe I'm ready to explore that as well.

For now I've put my dreams of living in London, Reykjavik, Melbourne, Christchurch, Munich, Tokyo, Thumphu, places I've never heard of, etc on hold in favour of Boston, due to a potentially amazing postdoctoral research opportunity. However, I am portable and occasionally even TSA-compatible, and would love to travel to meet people. Will you show me your favourite things about your home town?

I have a hunch that OkCupid might be far better than couchsurfing.com for finding intriguing people in intriguing places for adventure and friendship, whether or not sex is on the table (or on the kitchen counter, or in a nearby tree...). If you concur, please say hi! (References available.)

Meanwhile, what do non-graduate-students do around Colorado? Walks in the mountains, skiing of all kinds, camping by our own private lake, live music (with the caveat that I'm kind of weird about music), ...?

To quote the immortal Feynman: "Pick meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

I am cruel, boring, and smelly.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Contemplating postdocs. Wondering whether I actually want to be a professor when I grow up. Learning cello. Dancing Argentine tango and a little blues. Learning to sing Schubert. Studying ancient kung fu/karate. Escaping into the mountains. Learning to top. Experimenting with shibari. Telemark skiing. Biking more, driving less. Playing Weiqi. Learning to teach. Travelling (here are some of my pictures). Learning the art of negotiation. Climbing. Cooking. Yoga.

Aided by the brilliant timpany, I am cautiously exploring polyamory. She and I are Important to each other in a low-demand and long-distance way that we hope to continue. Polyamory means many things to many people, and I've seen it used as a cover for some fairly dishonorable behaviours, so I'll try to describe what I like so far--perhaps this could serve as a conversational boiling chip?

Humans are not monogamous, but it's very common in the modern USA to expect monogamy of your partner. How do you resolve that conflict? One extreme is to agree to minimise the risk of becoming interested in anyone else (with varying degrees of denial and ugliness if that fails). The opposite extreme seems to be to learn to replace jealousy with compersion (the failure modes seem to revolve around communicating poorly, not making enough time, and trying to escape problems rather than resolving them). Are there other approaches? Where along the spectrum in between extremes would you be happiest?

My experience so far has led me to a new understanding of myself--especially the proof that a solid relationship need not be threatened by a third person. I love the ease with which I can see people (and relationships) not for what I want them to be, but for what they are or could be. I need practice making a partner who is far away feel as loved as she is; I'm working on it.

I believe that my ideal situation is a long-term committed primary relationship (which I have not found yet) that is open to a few other important long-term people, and occasional shorter-term, but still multifaceted, adventures. I have no idea where my career will take me in a year, so I don't expect to find that right now--it could happen; I'm just not counting on it. But a short-term relationship that teaches me something and is mutually enjoyable I'd regard as a success. I am happy being a secondary or low-priority partner--I don't demand much time or energy--but I need to connect with someone intellectually and share some creative experiences before I'll enjoy sex.

I am open to a primary relationship, perhaps even a temporarily monogamous one if that seemed best to all concerned parties. That's a new idea to me, suggested by timpany; I'd especially love to hear from anyone with experience with it.

If you think there's a chance that we might get along brilliantly, or you just want to chat about stuff, go hiking, make music, eat something, see a concert, etc, with me, please do drop me a note.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Sailing. Teaching. Asking the question that needs to be asked. Learning new instruments. Telemark skiing. Margaritas. Fencing. Inventing algorithms. Happy-hour philosophy. Pizza. Looming, swooping, and terrifying small children. Hot chocolate. Bullshitting. Grilling salmon. Finding buried avalanche beacons. Backrubs. Chai.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I remind at least one friend of Tom Bombadill, but that may be anomalous. People often think I'm flirting with them. There are two reasons for this: first, that I make eye contact, listen, smile when I make connections, and think about what they are saying; and second, that I'm probably flirting with them.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
  • Books: Richard Feynman, Douglas Hofstadter, Neil Gaiman, Alexander Pushkin, Will Shakespeare, Friedrich Nietzsche, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Daniel Dennett, Michael Pollan, Orson Scott Card, Steven Levitt, Dossie Easton, Janet Hardy, William McDonough, James Gleick, Jorge Cham, J.R.R.Tolkein, E.A.Poe, Dan Savage, Tristan Taormino, Jared Diamond, Mikhail Bulgakov, Galina Vishnevskaya, Hermann Hesse, Phil & Kaja Foglio, Tom Stoppard, Peter Turchin, Patterson/Grenny/McMillan/Switzler, Harvard Negotiation Project, science, historical fiction, history, philosophy, explorer records, detective novels, ...

  • Moving pictures: Akira Kurosawa. Steve Moffat. Some Stanley Kubrick. Some Hayao Miyazaki. Most Jim Henson. Joss Whedon. Babylon 5 was prophetic. Caprica. Game Of Thrones. Doctor Who. What left an impression recently? Some Jet Li or other, Motorcycle Diaries, The Matrix, Delicatessen, Some Like It Hot, Romeo+Juliet, Memento, 32 Short Films about Glenn Gould, Casablanca, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Godfather, Fight Club, Wallace and Gromit... but I'm a bit behind on my pop culture consumption. Help?

  • Music: Bach, Shostakovich, Brahms, Kodaly, Pugliese, Bartok, Mozart, Rachmaninov, Stravinsky, Beethoven, Monteverdi, Chopin, Palestrina, Piazzolla, Mendelssohn, Lassus, Verdi... I play cello well enough to entertain myself and patient people who like me a great deal. I love premeditated jazz but I just don't end up reaching for it very often. Tango and blues are interesting iff I'm dancing; I especially love dancing tango to blues music (e.g. Tom Waits!). Improv jazz and bluegrass I'd rather produce than consume.

  • Foods: Indian, Japanese, Chinese, Italian, Thai, Mexican... bread, chocolate, cardamom, fish, garlic, eggplant, peaches, honey, olives, bacon, cumin, tea, shiitake, habaneros, wine, espresso, scotch... At home I'm about 90% vegetarian (as in, I guess about 10% of my diet is meat). I generally stick to the Michael Pollan diet. But I'm not fussy; I'm generally a pretty big fan of food.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Ideas, brains, sunlight, music, silence, chocolate, the integers, wilderness, the sound of wind in pine trees, a tardis, a direct telepathic link to the Internet, actinomycetes, world peace, the MIT Mystery Hunt, raw dead fish, large values of six...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Work, play, friends, love, acknowledging shit but choosing to rejoice, why any alternative to "sustainable" doesn't strike urgent desperate terror into all minds, how to save mankind from the curse of its own success...
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Dancing tango, out with friends, in with a good book, playing baduk, singing or playing guitar or cello, packing for a weekend adventure, already on a weekend adventure...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Once, in order to get laid, I briefly considered learning about some other genres of music.

Also, I quit both porn and sailing dinghies, and am consequently looking for a new ab workout. Suggestions?
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You have a really intriguing thought that you want to share.

You can teach me to cook Indian food. Or Mexican. Or...

You can teach me how to build a cozy snow shelter.

You might want to try making music with me.

You know a beautiful spot in the mountains.

You want to help me plant some trees.

You can ski avalanche debris.

You can play the Chaconne.

You spurn makeup.

You can outwit me.

You can tango.

You wish to.