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40 Cambridge, MA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 20–40
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
6′ 2″ (1.87m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Graduated from Ph.D program
Science / Engineering
Open relationship
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), French (Okay), German (Poorly), Latin (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I used to believe that I wanted to learn everything. But knowledge is fractal; a universe hides in a cacao bean, in the way fingers touch a violin, in the turbulent air behind a bicycle. I used to find new subjects to learn about every day, but these days I am digging a little deeper. Or perhaps I'm just lazy.

What occupies my thoughts? I am somewhere between science and engineering, building robot brains that can teach themselves some of the same tricks that are part of your fascinating mind (so I can render you obsolete (mwahaha etc.)).

I love human-powered, noncompetitive "sports", although I used to be one of Canada's finest swordsmen. I love Colorado's mountains, the highlands of Newfoundland, the Sierra Nevada, and generally trekking through wild places. I love oceans, and have sailed thousands of miles in the Atlantic. I bike more than I drive. My other primary interest is music, at which I'm working hard after a long hiatus.

I would like to live for a long time, and be physically and mentally at my peak for as much of it as possible. As a knowledge worker, one of my interests is trying to build a healthy lifestyle around too much time with the physical tools of knowledge consumption and creation (sitting at a desk kills). I finally have time to learn about and implement healthy habits in diet, exercise, sports, sleep, friendship, personal balance... More than that, I'm fascinated by social, eco[logical|nomic], urban, health, and environmental policies that foster societies that maximise social welfare outcomes on all scales and throughout the biosphere. I'm toying with some ideas on this subject from the complex-adaptive-systems perspective, but as of this writing I've just been reading and thinking: no concrete output yet. Want to toss ideas around?

I'm quiet, contemplative, sometimes shy, flirtatious and even outgoing under the right conditions. I am always working to make my communication more open, honest, curiosity-driven, rigorous, and compassionate, and highly value that in others.

I'm not actively looking for The One, but I'm actively looking for good conversation and adventures of various kinds, ideally with women with whom there might be some sort of potential for at least some light flirtation. If more than friendship happens I'll be delighted, but I will not try to force a relationship to become something it's not, nor end a good one because it's more casual or more serious than I'd first imagined. And if I find The One, or One Of 'Em, I believe I'm ready to explore that as well.

For now I've put my dreams of living in London, Reykjavik, Melbourne, Amsterdam, Christchurch, Munich, Tokyo, Thimphu, places I've never heard of, etc on hold in favour of Boston, due to an amazing postdoctoral research opportunity. However, I am portable and TSA-compatible, and would love to travel to meet people! Will you show me your favourite things about your home town?

I have a hunch that OkCupid might be far better than for finding intriguing people in intriguing places for adventure and friendship, whether or not sex is on the table (or on the kitchen counter, or in a nearby tree...). If you concur, please say hi! (References available.)

What are the east-coast analogues of Colorado activities such as walks in the mountains, skiing, camping by our own private lake, live music, cello mountaineering, ...?

To quote the immortal Feynman: "Pick meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

I am cruel, boring, and smelly.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Cyborg postdoc: teaching zebra finches to sing Bach! Curing Parkinson's, addiction, PTSD, and religion! Wondering whether I actually want to be a professor when I grow up. Wondering whether I actually want to grow up. Learning cello. Dancing Argentine tango, a little blues, and blango when I find it. Learning to sing Schubert. Studying ancient kung fu/karate. Newly: Corde Lisse. Escaping into the mountains. Learning to top. Experimenting with shibari. Telemark skiing. Biking more, driving less. Playing Weiqi. Learning to teach. Travelling. Learning the art of negotiation. Climbing. Cooking. Yoga.

Sometimes I carry a camera. Does any of this look like your kind of fun?

I am figuring out love. What follows are some current observations--perhaps this could serve as a conversational boiling chip?

While I tend to have few partners, I've never appreciated the logic behind making enforced monogamy an unspoken default. On the other hand, I've seen "polyamory" used as a cover for some fairly dishonorable behaviours, so while I love that ideal, I am still trying to figure out whether I fit into the community, and what I can learn from it.

Humans are not monogamous, but it's common in the modern USA to expect monogamy of your partner. How do you resolve that conflict? One extreme is to agree to minimise the risk of becoming interested in anyone else (with varying degrees of denial and ugliness if that fails). The opposite extreme seems to be to learn to replace jealousy with compersion--the failure modes seem to revolve around communicating poorly, not making enough time, and running away from problems. Are there other approaches? Where along the spectrum in between extremes do you want to be? Why?

My experience so far has led me to a new understanding of myself. For me, a good relationship needn't be threatened by a third person. I love the ease with which I can see people (and relationships) not for what I want them to be, but for what they are or could be. I love how each new love enriches my life differently, adding more pieces to me. I need practice making a partner who is far away feel as loved as she is; I'm working on it.

I believe that my ideal situation is a long-term committed relationship (which I have not found yet) that is open to a few other important long-term people (multiple primaries?), and occasional shorter-term, but still multifaceted, adventures. I have no idea where my career will take me in a few years, so while I'd love to find A One, I'm not going to force it. But a short-term relationship that teaches me something and is mutually enjoyable I'd regard as a success. I am happy being a secondary or low-priority partner--I don't demand much time or energy--but I need to connect with someone intellectually and share some creative experiences before I'll enjoy sex.

If you think there's a chance that we might get along brilliantly, or you just want to chat about stuff, go hiking, make music, experiment with tasty or weird foods, check out a concert, etc, with me, please do drop me a note.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Sailing. Teaching. Asking the question that needs to be asked. Learning new instruments. Telemark skiing. Margaritas. Fencing. Inventing algorithms. Happy-hour philosophy. Pizza. Looming, swooping, and terrifying small children. Hot chocolate. Bullshitting. Simultaneously taking several sides of an argument. Grilling salmon. Finding buried avalanche beacons. Backrubs. Chai.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I remind at least one friend of Tom Bombadill, but that may be anomalous. People often think I'm flirting with them. There are two reasons for this: first, that I make eye contact, listen, smile when I make connections, and think about what they are saying; and second, that I'm probably flirting with them.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
  • Books: Richard Feynman, Douglas Hofstadter, Neil Gaiman, Alexander Pushkin, Will Shakespeare, Friedrich Nietzsche, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Daniel Dennett, Michael Pollan, Orson Scott Card, Steven Levitt, Dossie Easton, Janet Hardy, William McDonough, James Gleick, Jorge Cham, J.R.R.Tolkein, E.A.Poe, Dan Savage, Tristan Taormino, Jared Diamond, Mikhail Bulgakov, Galina Vishnevskaya, Hermann Hesse, Phil & Kaja Foglio, Tom Stoppard, Peter Turchin, Patterson/Grenny/McMillan/Switzler, Harvard Negotiation Project, science, historical fiction, history, philosophy, explorer records, detective novels, ...

  • Moving pictures: Akira Kurosawa. Steve Moffat. Some Stanley Kubrick. Some Hayao Miyazaki. Most Jim Henson. Joss Whedon. Babylon 5 was prophetic. Caprica. Game Of Thrones. Doctor Who. What left an impression recently? Some Jet Li or other, Motorcycle Diaries, The Matrix, Delicatessen, Some Like It Hot, Romeo+Juliet, Memento, 32 Short Films about Glenn Gould, Casablanca, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Godfather, Fight Club, Wallace and Gromit... but I'm a bit behind on my pop culture consumption. Help?

  • Music: Bach, Shostakovich, Brahms, Kodaly, Pugliese, Bartok, Mozart, Rachmaninov, Stravinsky, Beethoven, Monteverdi, Chopin, Palestrina, Piazzolla, Mendelssohn, Lassus, Verdi... I play cello well enough to entertain myself and patient people who like me a great deal. I love premeditated jazz but I just don't end up reaching for it very often. Tango and blues are interesting iff I'm dancing; I especially love dancing tango to blues music (e.g. Tom Waits!). Improv jazz and bluegrass I'd rather produce than consume.

  • Foods: Indian, Japanese, Chinese, Italian, Thai, Mexican... bread, chocolate, cardamom, fish, garlic, eggplant, peaches, honey, olives, bacon, cumin, tea, shiitake, habaneros, wine, espresso, scotch... At home I'm about 90% vegetarian (as in, I guess about 10% of my diet is meat). I like the Michael Pollan diet. Other foods? Try me!
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Ideas, brains, sunlight, music, silence, chocolate, the integers, wilderness, the sound of wind in pine trees, a tardis, a direct telepathic link to the Internet, actinomycetes, world peace, the MIT Mystery Hunt, raw dead fish, large values of six...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Work, play, friends, love, acknowledging problems but choosing to rejoice, why the opposite of "sustainable" doesn't terrify, how to save mankind from the curse of its own success...
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Dancing tango, out with friends, in with a good book, playing baduk, singing or playing guitar or cello, packing for a weekend adventure, already on a weekend adventure...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Once, in order to get laid, I briefly considered learning about some other genres of music.

Also, I quit both porn and sailing dinghies, and am consequently looking for a new ab workout. Suggestions?
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You have a really intriguing thought that you want to share.

You can teach me to cook Indian food. Or Mexican. Or...

You can teach me how to build a cozy snow shelter.

You might want to try making music with me.

You know a beautiful spot in the mountains.

You want to help me plant some trees.

You can ski avalanche debris.

You can play the Chaconne.

You spurn makeup.

You can outwit me.

You can tango.

You wish to.