Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

funnylady1920

54 F Arlington, VA

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 2:03pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 5″ (1.65m)
Body Type
A little extra
Diet
Anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Never
Religion
Judaism, but not too serious about it
Sign
Scorpio, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Entertainment / Media
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Has a kid, but doesn’t want more
Pets
Has dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Centuries from now, when anthropologists dig up the zillions of online dating profiles that have been circulating as particles in cyber space - most of which illustrate a culture that was immersed in long romantic walks on the beach, weekend jaunts to exotic locales, fine dining and wine-ing, and spontaneous eruptions of kissing and hugging - what will they think of us?

Oh, if only it was true.

Maybe, like the classic Seinfeld episode, they will know that this was just the online dating version of Bizzaro world?

Therefore, in the interest of your time - which i truly value - I must ask - and please be honest because i'm not grading on a curve . . .

-- Are you REALLY looking for someone with whom you just want to cuddle up in front of a roaring fire?
-- Do you REALLY want to invest the time and energy it takes to develop a connection with a woman to cultivate a relationship?
-- Is a sense of humor and lust for life REALLY the most important thing to you?
-- In other words, is your profile REALLY (or at least 75%) accurate?

If, in all honesty, you answered "no" or "maybe" to any of the above responses, I'm sorry you will not be moving on to the bonus round. But Johnny, tell our contestant what he's won.

While i happily play board games, car games, and party games, all evidence to the contrary, I don't play mind games . . . or actually video games either for that matter.

My belief system is simple: total honesty (even when it hurts), love, respect, romance, integrity, fidelity, communication, and the Oxford comma (the last one is non negotiable).

As such:

-- i am a thoroughly authentic woman, admittedly flawed, with very little internal filter;

-- I love romance and all of its trappings; the flutter in my heart and my stomach, the anticipation of receiving an email or a phone call, handholding, long soft kisses, making out in the car, falling asleep holding each other. But if you need a CPAP machine, it's no problem.

-- i enjoy sex as both the subject and the direct object;

-- I possess great wisdom when it comes to the trials and tribulations of others, but not necessarily myself;

-- I crave knowledge and learning especially when shared by or with someone I respect.

-- The power of language is sorely underestimated. What an aphrodisiac it is to be wooed by words. And while we're on the subject, the ability to fix things around the house (with or without a tool belt), car knowledge (beyond "I think it needs gas"), and strong sinewy forearms do for me what oysters could never accomplish.

-- While i enjoy a sumptuous meal as much as anyone, I would equally relish sitting at Gravelly Point watching the choreographed ballet of planes from DCA taking off and landing or sitting in a baseball park on a perfect summer evening (even though i rarely have a clue of who may be playing. I grew up in the era of Brooks, Boog, Hank, and Cal.) If hot dogs or Lipton's Onion Dip were involved in either scenario, the date would go down in history.

-- I have great appreciation for, but admittedly limited knowledge about, architecture, wines, and most popular music after 1980. I can hum along but really can only fake the words.

-- However, I have more than average knowledge about theatre, cooking, 60s and 70s trivia, children, and health.

-- I am debt free and plan on staying that way. I make a decent living and live within my means.

-- I am a staunch believer in subjectivity, especially when it comes to art, food, religion, and probably a thousand other things I can't recall at this moment). No one has the right to tell anyone that their opinion or taste is wrong. Politics might be the one exception.

-- I was raised as a cultural Jew with little if any religious observance. That meant we ate gefilte fish and matzoh ball soup on the holidays. While I will always cherish my heritage, I did emerge as a Christmas-loving, bacon-eating Jew -- but with enormous appreciation of my more spiritual self;

-- i love being anywhere near the sight, sound, and smell of water, the exquisite silence and refraction of sunlight when snorkeling, snow days, and driving anywhere in my 10 year old car with my top down (it's a convertible). I have attempted to snorkel with my top down on a snow day. It was not a successful endeavor;

-- At the risk of appearing as though I'm dissing my "jewish sistahs", i could care less about recreational shopping and decorating - but I do love the act of nesting to make a home;

-- I will pick up a designer purse every now and then, but only those that I get at Goodwill. To me, buying retail is like committing a sin. In this way i have remained true to my people;

-- I fall quite easily into alliterative sequences as in "I am a sophic, sassy, sophisticated, sagacious, sensitive, sensual Scorpio."

-- I am emotional when someone touches my heart (positive or negative) when my child has made an accomplishment in which I can bask in his achievement, or when i see one deliberately hurting another. I feel it deeply and I show it;

-- I am fairly quickwitted (unless it's an especially slow witted day); and

-- I'm not in the witness protection program (although sometimes i wish i was).

What you will find here is a huge heart, wacky wit, boundless spirit and soulful sensuality in the package of a voluptuous, rubenesque, self-assured woman with good skin.
What I’m doing with my life
Nora ephron wrote:
"What failure of imagination had caused me to forget that life was full of other possibilities, including the possibility that eventually I would fall in love again?"

Indeed, life is full of many possibilities.

The great thing about our individual "books of life" is that we get to realize those possibilities by continuing to add chapters until our stories are complete. My story is far from complete. I have begun an exciting new chapter, one that requires an interesting, intelligent, enticing new character.
I’m really good at
-- love

-- Finding humor in the most unlikely occasions, often accompanied by inappropriate remarks;

-- my job;

-- absurd 60s and 70s tv trivia and pop culture'

-- reading maps and navigating; I was getting around islands, foreign lands, and confusing suburban neighborhoods long before garmin;

--Making a killer brisket (but not one that kills, at least that I know of, yet);

-- creating special get togethers and family celebrations;

-- Listening;

-- Being present in every way when someone needs me;

-- Stepping up to take the lead when necessary - and just as happy to follow; and

-- Avoiding at all costs ending a sentence with a preposition.
The first things people usually notice about me
-- warmth

-- How closely I resemble my porn name (You know the combination of the name of your first pet and your childhood street name.

-- that I connect in a "clintonlike" way with whomever I meet.

-- That I don't capitalize consistently, or sometimes at all. I've been shunned in many circles by this egregious habit.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I am a study in contrasts:

Movies:
-- animal house and the Godfather 1 and 2
-- airplane and goodfellas
-- smart romantic comedy (sabrina, notting hill, love actually) and political thrillers (the manchurian candidate - the original) - Argo, Munich, all the president's men)
-- movie musicals (Cinderella, the sound of music, singin in the rain) and great war movies (in harms way, the dirty dozen, mash)
-- pretty much all early woody allen, mel brooks, albert brooks with annie hall among my favorite films to quote. So if you hear me say "I'm into leathah", I'm really not expressing my own penchant for the kinky. That, I communicate in other ways.

Books
joan Didion, nora ephron, a variety of Non fiction, biographies, some chick lit for escapism, and some metaphysical stuff.

Theatre
Virtually everything -- musicals, shakespeare, new plays, human and political dramas - but nothing that involves audience participation or the throwing of bodily fluids.

Television
Homeland, newsroom, mad man, shameless, house of cards, bourdain and zimmern, i confess the food network and bravo are my guilty pleasures.

Food
I am a former caterer so cooking had been my main creative outlet. I've done everything from hanging my own ducks (they were already dead. I'm a pacifist. so why should hoisin sauce and pancakes go to waste) to baking and building three dimensional, realistic looking four foot long birthday cakes. I have gone from foie gras, marrow, and crickets to my fave stouffer's spinach soufflé and a lean cuisine.

I enjoy the occasional cocktail (when it's 5:00 somewhere) recently favoring the "skinny margarita" (tequila, fresh lime juice, agave nectar (or if unavailable, Splenda does just fine). so if nothing else, you got a good cocktail recipe out of this.
The six things I could never do without
1. My son
2. True love
3. Integrity
4. Chocolate
5. Caribbean water
6. Spanx (ALL women wear them)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What is really important and what really is not - admittedly an equation that I didn't master for a long time.

Like most people, I wish i had made many different decisions, traveled more, worked less. But hindsight is 20/20. Every single misstep, mistake, and wasted kiss on the wrong lips had a purpose and paved the path to get me to this great point in my life. The importance of "failure" is extraordinary.

I think about truth and trust, how and when they should collide - and when they should not.
On a typical Friday night I am
Aghast that another week has past and that its friday again. Once that shock wears off and i stop lamenting about the work i didn't get done during the week, i dry my fake tears, and figure out how I am going balance responsibilities of living the next few days to the fullest.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I don't eat eggs or cheese in their pure state. I realize this will count against me with many.

However, to qualify this obvious shortcoming, i reiterate that I don't eat them in their pure state (e.g. fried, scrambled, poached, au gratin etc). That does not preclude consuming them as ingredients. It's not an allergy (although I've successfully used that ruse for years to get me out of the soufflés and quiches served at dinner parities) - just a smell and texture thing.

Also, the last two toes of each foot are crooked. Im pretty sure its a genetic mutation because my father and brother had it as well. Due to these two afflictions, i am considered to be a freak by my cousins, the egg lobby, and the state of Wisconsin.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 50–60
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
-- if you know who you are, if you know what you want, and if you would like to explore possibilities with me -- an authentic, warm, honest, sensual friend and lover who is also smarter than the average bear.

-- if you want to laugh at things you never before thought were funny.

-- If you live within driving distance of Washington, DC that can be accomplished round trip in one day, including at least two potty and coffee stops. If you're not local, and our personal connection requires travel, you get extra points if you're near the New Jersey Turnpike. The gas is SO cheap and they pump it for you. What a weekend THAT would be.

-- If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain; if you're not into health food; if you're into champagne and If you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape ...