Oh, if only it was true.
Maybe, like the classic Seinfeld episode, they will know that this was just the online dating version of Bizzaro world?
Therefore, in the interest of your time - which i truly value - I must ask - and please be honest because i'm not grading on a curve . . .
-- Are you REALLY looking for someone with whom you just want to cuddle up in front of a roaring fire?
-- Do you REALLY want to invest the time and energy it takes to develop a connection with a woman to cultivate a relationship?
-- Is a sense of humor and lust for life REALLY the most important thing to you?
-- In other words, is your profile REALLY (or at least 75%) accurate?
If, in all honesty, you answered "no" or "maybe" to any of the above responses, I'm sorry you will not be moving on to the bonus round. But Johnny, tell our contestant what he's won.
While i happily play board games, car games, and party games, all evidence to the contrary, I don't play mind games . . . or actually video games either for that matter.
My belief system is simple: total honesty (even when it hurts), love, respect, romance, integrity, fidelity, communication, and the Oxford comma (the last one is non negotiable).
-- i am a thoroughly authentic woman, admittedly flawed, with very little internal filter;
-- I love romance and all of its trappings; the flutter in my heart and my stomach, the anticipation of receiving an email or a phone call, handholding, long soft kisses, making out in the car, falling asleep holding each other. But if you need a CPAP machine, it's no problem.
-- i enjoy sex as both the subject and the direct object;
-- I possess great wisdom when it comes to the trials and tribulations of others, but not necessarily myself;
-- I crave knowledge and learning especially when shared by or with someone I respect.
-- The power of language is sorely underestimated. What an aphrodisiac it is to be wooed by words. And while we're on the subject, the ability to fix things around the house (with or without a tool belt), car knowledge (beyond "I think it needs gas"), and strong sinewy forearms do for me what oysters could never accomplish.
-- While i enjoy a sumptuous meal as much as anyone, I would equally relish sitting at Gravelly Point watching the choreographed ballet of planes from DCA taking off and landing or sitting in a baseball park on a perfect summer evening (even though i rarely have a clue of who may be playing. I grew up in the era of Brooks, Boog, Hank, and Cal.) If hot dogs or Lipton's Onion Dip were involved in either scenario, the date would go down in history.
-- I have great appreciation for, but admittedly limited knowledge about, architecture, wines, and most popular music after 1980. I can hum along but really can only fake the words.
-- However, I have more than average knowledge about theatre, cooking, 60s and 70s trivia, children, and health.
-- I am debt free and plan on staying that way. I make a decent living and live within my means.
-- I am a staunch believer in subjectivity, especially when it comes to art, food, religion, and probably a thousand other things I can't recall at this moment). No one has the right to tell anyone that their opinion or taste is wrong. Politics might be the one exception.
-- I was raised as a cultural Jew with little if any religious observance. That meant we ate gefilte fish and matzoh ball soup on the holidays. While I will always cherish my heritage, I did emerge as a Christmas-loving, bacon-eating Jew -- but with enormous appreciation of my more spiritual self;
-- i love being anywhere near the sight, sound, and smell of water, the exquisite silence and refraction of sunlight when snorkeling, snow days, and driving anywhere in my 10 year old car with my top down (it's a convertible). I have attempted to snorkel with my top down on a snow day. It was not a successful endeavor;
-- At the risk of appearing as though I'm dissing my "jewish sistahs", i could care less about recreational shopping and decorating - but I do love the act nesting to make a home;
-- I will pick up a designer purse every now and then, but only those that I get at Goodwill. To me, buying retail is like committing a sin. In this way i have remained true to my people;
-- I fall quite easily into alliterative sequences as in "I am a sophic, sassy, sophisticated, sagacious, sensitive, sensual Scorpio."
-- I am emotional when someone touches my heart (positive or negative) when my child has made an accomplishment in which I can bask in his achievement, or when i see one deliberately hurting another. I feel it deeply and I show it;
-- I am fairly quickwitted (unless it's an especially slow witted day); and
-- I'm not in the witness protection program (although sometimes i wish i was).
What you will find here is a huge heart, wacky wit, boundless spirit and soulful sensuality in the package of a voluptuous, curvy, self-assured woman with good skin.