My favorite band and singer of all time:
YOU MIGHT BE SINGLE IF:................................................................
If looking at your profile, one has to play :where is Waldo: because there are several people in all your photos matching your description.
IF you resemble or dress like Waldo.
IF you have Disney Disease. (You actually think Prince Charming, or a Princess will be found on here.)
IF you think you are prince charming
IF your friends and or people in your photos are much better looking then you.
IF any of your Main profile pictures does not contain you in them.
IF you don't read at least this much of someone's profile.
IF Your profile photos look like they came out of hustler.. yet you wonder why men don't take you seriously on here... and you complain in your profile about the idiotic and perverted messages you get.. Instead.. you should google the word "Hypocrite" Remember, what looks like a duck, walks like a duck, smells like a duck, takes pictures that looks like a duck.. Well... its usually a frigging duck.
IF you post the famous, no shirt and mirror photo. I know it takes a lot of work to get those abs, but truly it comes off as a bit arrogant. Not just me, but most women will admit to thinking its tacky and we almost always end up laughing no matter how good you think you look. . No shoes, no shirt, no service, not applies only to restaurants and places of business. lol I mean really, how does a first meeting or date go. "hey, I'll meet you at the coffee shop. I'll be easy to find, I will be the guy not wearing a shirt and flexing at the table in the back?. :0
IF you posted more photos of your pet, than of YOU.
IF your pets photos are cuter than the one's of you.
IF the pet you have in your photos might actually be the better date.
IF you took the time to put recent photos up of your pet, but the only photo of "you" , is several years old
IF you DON'T HAVE A PHOTO on your profile. You are either married/dating someone, or just plain sneaky and/or creepy. So, in all instances.. MOVE ON. The "because of my JOB" excuse... doesn't cut it. Unless you are on this site working undercover or under the witness protection program this still applies. Telling someone you can send/email them your photos only takes the level of your 'CREEPINESS" up a notch. If you feel at anytime putting your photos on here is risky, or embarrassing, I can assure you the person you are messaging feels more of the same receiving your message. It screams COWARD, SNEAK. EXTREMELY unsettling and awkward.
IF you are in the Witness protection program... (Refer to above statement)
IF you feel the need to compensate for something by posting photos of your boy toys.. car, boat.. etc. etc... Unless you have them up for sale?? if that is the case, google "craigs list"
If your profile picture is a Motorcycle (car) etc and you are not In it, or ON it. Read above statement.
If your car cost more than your house
If your car IS your house.
IF you get pissed because you are using someone else's (fake) photos in your profile, and you get called out on it. Not only may you remain single, but need to google the word "catfish" and or the words "deceit" "sneak" "liar" Scam artist
IF you spend most of your free time at bars
IF you spend ANY time behind them
IF your profile picture looks vaguely similar to a picture hanging in the local post office
If you actually spend your time to message someone only to criticize. Google the phrase "low self esteem"
If you message someone only to express your stupidity on a higher level.
IF... out in public, people actually ask you to to bend down to see if you have a hole in the top of your head or ask if you can jump up and down over and over again to see if any type of liquid comes out...
IF the fish you are holding in your profile photo has more teeth than you.
IF you are taking a picture of yourself in your room/house, and it looks like a bomb went off.
IF a bomb did go off in your house.
IF someone has to pull out an Ebonics dictionary to decipher your message.
IF your user name is an adverb or adjective...
IF you don't know what an adverb or adjective is.
IF messaging someone you are quick to point out "we have a lot of things in common, yet fail to mention a single one. In fact just because we both apparently belong to the human race, and obviously using the same online site... does not qualify for having things in common. Also, yes.. I breath air. When cut, I bleed blood, and also, like you.. I belong to the class of Hominidae. Again, this does not classify as having things in common. This is a given. :) If you don't know what a Hominid is here is a hint. If you are replying back by typing.. chances are you have a thumb. More than likely, you are a hominid.
If your idea of a first message is.. HI, I'M BOB .. don't be surprised if the reply back is "SO!
IF.. You purposely attended a WWF wrestling match more than once, or at all for that matter
IF you are naive enough to think that WWF matches ARE NOT scripted.
IF you consider WWF Wrestling or Car racing a sport or a form of great entertainment.
IF you don't take some chances
IF you take too many chances.
IF You have no way of proving your profile is legit
IF Your conversations consist of nothing but one word messages
IF your first message is nothing more than an interjection. If you don't know what that is. WOW! Watch.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkAX7Vk3JEw
IF your first message simply says.. "call me" and your dumb enough to include your telephone number. You are either... Arrogant, Full of yourself, or not very smart. I will simply submit your number to a telemarketing company for charitable contributions. Or, the next time someone asks for my number off the bat, I will give them yours. The both of you can talk to each other. Sounds like you both may have something in common.
IF your greeting starts off with any pet names.. Hey Gorgeous, Beautiful, Hun, honey, babe, etc. etc. Comes off a bit Creepy and disrespectful, no matter your intent.
IF You are on here because you are trying to get over someone and thought this would be a great way to get yourself out there.
IF you get offended or take things to heart to easily
IF you take a picture of a ""photo"" you were in and post it.
IF.. You scan a photo of your drivers license and use it as your profile photo. Believe it or not, I've seen this a couple of times.
IF you have a photo on here where you are celebrating any new Years older then the current
IF you never thought the flying Monkeys in the Wizard of Oz were creepy.
IF in any way you could be mistaken for one of the Flying Monkeys in The wizard of oz. This does not include your 'ex" being one. Most times that is a given. ;)
IF you resemble a hobbit or any other creature in the lord of the rings trilogy.
IF, in fact, you are a hobbit. We could still be buddies, but nothing more. :)
IF you actually answered on the site... Which is bigger.. the Earth or the Sun... and you have choosen... EARTH. If you are that uneducated, jump off a building now. How you made it this far in life is a true Miracle. Did we all not learn this answer in kindergarten? Here is some help. Watch.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmYVWJ82dQQ
IF you describe yourself as a wonderful person, and have a great personality. However, 7 out of 10 people you know would describe you as a Jerk/Bitch.
IF, when filling out your profile.. you don't know the difference between, Average, Athletic, Skinny, etc. etc. Just because you involve yourself in some type of sport or activity (athletics) does not mean you have an athletic build. Easy.. go to google.. type in "average weight" etc. etc. Fill in your age, height, weight.. and it will tell you if you are average or not. Keep in mind, its not your perception but society as a whole.
IF: you have some type of personality disorder and your doctor is still working to figure out the correct dosage for you.
If you answered the question listed on this forum... What is bigger, the earth or the sun... and you picked Earth. Apparently I have to list this fact twice. Are you paying attention?
If you write a profile like the one you are reading at this moment.. lol ME? Guilty as charged
IF, at anytime while reading all of this, you feel all the above is directed at or specifically talking about "YOU"
IF: you read this entire list and you don't have anything better to do with your life. :) Implied Sarcastic humor. Just kidding
Congratulations. If you made it this far, you just proved you don't suffer from ADD.
WARNING::::: NO PHOTO and if/or you are MARRIED. Don't bother. You will not get a response or at least not a positive one. I don't care how unhappy your marriage is, or how discreet you are or why you can't divorce because of children, etc. etc. . Be a man. I find it degrading that you are even on here messaging people. Sorry. For those men who are over 3 years YOUNGER then my posted age. flattered.. however... Sorry. The answer is NO..NOT INTERESTED. NOT FOR FRIENDSHIPS, NOT FOR CONVERSATIONS, NOTHING. DON'T MESSAGE ME. I have no interest. Notta, none, zilch. Should I repeat any of this again?
ME:: I'm 5'2... (just a bit taller then a hobbit) a small 108, and a mother of 4. I try to keep myself in decent shape and enjoy great conversations with good company, and a good cup of coffee and or wine. Sometimes on a boring Sat night, you might find me at a nearby bridge chucking water balloons into the oncoming traffic. If you haven't noticed, I can be very sarcastic. Please don't take me harshly. :) I call KY HOME.. It is where I make my home. I live there.. The place where I reside. I change my profile location fairly often while browsing the site..
2. My photos are encrypted and have my user name on them to prevent them from being stolen again.