This profile is pretentious as fuck.

I'm an international vibrational nomad from Los Angeles. I live for percussion, vibration, and cymatics. I want everyone in the world to meet each other. I've also reviewed this profile and have deemed it to be intermediately nonfuckingsensical, and, thus, I have laid down unto it the big, red Fvaethian stamp of approval. See if you can find it.

Most of the music I play revolves around numerical patterns, beat cycles, (mostly) persian/indian music, and other various styles. (By the way, if you're a soulful, skilled musician, please hit me up, whether you're male or female.) Tabla is very quickly becoming my instrument. When I'm not playing drums of some kind or another, I'm goin around whatever city I'm in (for now, it's Vancouver) meeting people, learning about history, writing, bla bla bla. I'm interested in just about everything.

Metal, World Ethnic music (a title I really hate, but just it's obvious what I'm talking about), and beats pretty much rule my musical world. The best compliment I've ever gotten was from a friend of mine who told me, "next time I hear somebody say that Heavy Metal kills brain cells, I'm sending them to you." Second best compliment I've ever gotten was that I eat pussy like a woman. Go figure.

I'm pretty big on history (lately, I've been getting heavy into Moorish history). I enjoy getting into people's heads, and I dig on travel and motion in all its many forms. I think that, biologically, psychologically, sociologically, humans are the most interesting animal on this planet. We'd all do very well to learn from each other. Everyone is your teacher, and everyone is your student. I'm a mad linguist, and I totally dig on listening to people and the stories they have to tell. I speak Spanish functionally, but I wanna get fully and completely fluent. OKCupid really should add "well" to "poorly", "okay", and "fluently" in the 'languages spoken' section, because my Spanish is better than "okay", but I'm not quite "fluent", so where the fuck is my grading curve, OKCupid? Where is it?!?. Plus, I really wanna learn Swedish, Finnish, Icelandic, Tuvan, Mongolian, Turkish, Russian, and Persian.

I love philosophy, but I've read virtually nothing of it. I'm also into UFOs, crop circles, sacred geometry, and the like.

Plus, where I have "Religion: and laughing about it" just over there on the right (not quite there, a little further up, above the "similar users", (... no no, "looking for", you went too far, ... ja, there it is), where I got [nothing] and laughing etc.), please allow me to include a lovely little anecdote to explain this. First, I love studying religions. I've studied most religions out there. I myself don't attach to or identify myself with any one specific doctrine, name, classification, categorization, or any of that other shit. I find it really interesting to see what other people believe, and I think there's a lot of wisdom to be found in those old stories (although I could really do without Abrahmism). I like listening to what people have to say, provided that they're willing to hear out what I have to say (but I think that's pretty standard); I do find it a little irritating when people hear that I have no religion and automatically assume that I'm an atheist, and they when they find out I'm not an atheist, they assume I'm a christian (then upon finding out I'm not christian, they assume I'm muslim, and then hindu, and then jewish, and then buddhist, etc etc). Anyway, moving on. About the "laughing about it" part. How can I be laughing about having no religion, you may wonder? Personal experience: Halloween of 2007, I was dressed up as a construction worker zombie. There are pictures, but none of the people who took those pictures sent them to me (yeah, I know, boo hoo). So ja, as part of my costume, I had on a construction vest with pockets, and I always carry two pens in my right jeans pocket. While outside this nightclub, I pulled a folded up piece of paper out of my pocket, and both the pens came out and fell to the ground. First of all, I noticed that the pens fell a lot more slowly than I'd expect. By the way, here's where the story gets interesting. When they hit the ground, they bounced off in opposite directions; one off away from me, and the other bouncing over and hitting my shoe. I picked up the one that bounced away, but when I went for the one that hit my shoe, it'd disappeared, and I couldn't find it anywhere. After about 15 seconds of searching, I finally gave up and went inside. Later on, at the end of the night, as I was on the train headed home, I reached in one of my construction vest pockets to get this tiny little bottle of tanning screen that I had in there, and I feel this long, hard, skinny thing, and I'm thinking, "wtf...?", so I pull it out, and it's none other than my pen that disappeared earlier after hitting my shoe. I just kinda looked at it and I started giggling. It wasn't enough to freak me out, but it was enough to get my attention, and right then, I felt like the universe was laughing at me. I'd told my roommate the story the following day, and he said, "oh, dude, the universe is always laughing at you, and you have to be able to laugh right along with it." What Terrence McKenna calls a "cosmic giggle". This is more or less my "religion", if you really wanna go so far as to call it that, to attempt to realize my connection with and laugh right along with the Universe. I gotta say, though, motherfucker's got an odd sense of humor...

Sometimes, I wish I could've grown up a Chicano in an Irish community in Boston.

Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to have Tim Burton as a roommate.

Sometimes, I think the world would be a better place if there were squeak toy versions of absolutely everything.

Sometimes, I suspect that life and the universe operate on principles that are so incomprehensibly simple, that we've been chasing our tails for the past couple thousand years.

Sometimes, I just want beige.

A lot of my life philosophy is pretty much summed up in these videos:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57xGN0bGkhk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wS7CZIJVxFY
and pay close attention to the actual music itself.

The following disclaimer/warning label has been made possible by a grant from the Necropolice Pharmeceutical Group as well as a contribution from the nevermorekinky editorial review. Fvaetha (c)

DESCRIPTION: Fvaethodone BicKrotchinate: 63 kg (WARNING: May be habit-forming) Psilocibin Hydrochloride: 30 mg Guaifenesin: 100 mg Alcohol: 35%

DOSAGE AND ADMINISTRATION: Dosage is adjusted according to the response of the patient. It may occasionally be necessary to exceed the usual dosage recommended below when the patient has developed a tolerance to the fvaethean effect.

SIDE EFFECTS: A slight elevation in serum transaminase levels, as well as level of conscious awareness of one's surrounding environment, affinity for Scandinavian Folk Metal, and a tendency to incessantly tap out rhythms in unorthodox time signatures has been noted, although this may not always be repeatable under laboratory conditions. Individuals hyperreactive to Fvaetha may display reactions such as tachycardia, heart palpitations, headache, dizziness, and shock.

ABUSE: Studies show that abuse of Fvaetha has been correlated to the loss of one of the best friends you'll ever have.

DEPENDENCE: Fvaetha can produce drug dependence of the morphine type. Psychic dependence, physical dependence and tolerance may develop if dosage recommendations are greatly exceeded over a prolonged period of time.

DRUG INTERACTIONS: Fvaetha may potentiate and/or mimic the effects of other narcotics, general anesthetics, tranquilizers, methamphetamines, alcohol, Dimethyltryptamine, and what Terrence McKenna calls a "heroic dose" of Salycilic mushrooms.

USE IN ELDERLY: The elderly (60 years and older) are more likely to have adverse reactions.
****CONSULT A SPECIALIST BEFORE ADMINISTERING TO CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 10. May trigger abnormal growth defects.

OVERDOSE: Symptoms of overdose may include irregular heartbeat, pointless growling, hallucinations, excitability, restlessness, and the ability to relate to just about anyone. Watch for slurred or excitable speech.

CLINICAL PHARMACOLOGY: Fvaetha is an antidepressant which shows marked protective activity against social time that doesn't rock, and has been observed to display lethal doses of intravenously injected Folk Metal in large guinea pigs. The precise mechanism of action of Fvaetha is not known, as it is rarely repeatable under laboratory conditions, although it is believed to relate to the existence of opiate receptors in the central nervous system, as well as its connection to the very fabric of consciousness itself.

STORAGE: Store at ALAT (Average Los Angeles Temperature), 15°-30°C (59°-86°F).

Fvaetha is void where prohibited by God, valid only in the Orion and Sagittarian star systems. It may be illegal in your area to take Fvaetha while operating heavy machinery, automotive vehicles, go-carts, government space craft, or other UFOs. Do not operate tractor beams, teleportation devices, automated anunnaki mating calls, time-altering electromagnetic wands, or any sort of photon phasers of love while under the influence of Fvaetha. If dizziness or swelling occurs, please discontinue usage, apply ice, and continue when better. If you are reading this, then it's a 98.5% sure bet that your computer is on. If swallowed, contact a doctor IMMEDIATELY.

Editors

• nevermorekinky
• Necropolice

Attempting to figure out the true inner workings of human nature as well as the nuances and flavors of 3-dimensional existence in order to bring that wisdom back to my home planet and to ascend the godhead in an effort in part to prove that this terrestrial experiment is worth fighting and enlightening for.

Also, drums. Lots and lots of drums. I intend to work toward achieving the goal of having my name internationally known and associated with transcendental percussion. I wanna use percussion to move people into hypnotic states of pure consciousness hopefully where, among other things, they find themselves talking to the gods and spirit guides and achieving a balance between the staking and asserting of their individual sovereignty and the reawakening of their connection to their surrounding environment and forge their awareness of their relationship with the divine.

oh, and attempting to have a rockin good time while doing it

Trying to save the world but my super powers were deactivated along with Vitus the Awesome when we were fighting the evil doers Media Mogul and Captain Apathy (to this day no one knows how he became a captain).

Editors

• Vitus_12

Percussion, linguistics, writing, messing with people's heads, being an unruly asshole, overall debauchery, various other things.

Seeing the beauty in people and things that most other people probably wouldn't give two (or sometimes even one) thought[s] to.

Plus, I'm excellent at offending people (and I'd be willing to bet that you think I'm being facetious right now.

This is such a stupid question

BOOKS:

"Visionary Plant Consciousness" edited by J.P. Harpignies, Daniel Pinchbeck - "2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl", J. Krishnamurti - "As One Is: To Free the Mind of all Conditioning", Masaru Emoto - "The Hidden Messages in Water", John Howard Griffin - "Black Like Me", Boyé Lafayette de Mente - "There's a word for it in México", Sam Harris - "The End of Faith", Jack Weatherford - "Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World", Sun Tzu - "The Art of War", the Buddha - "Dhammapaða", The Dalai Lama - "The Four Noble Truths", Miyamoto Musashi - "The Book of Five Rings", Lao Tsu - "Tao te-Ching", George Orwell - "1984", George Orwell - "Animal Farm", Ray Bradbury - "Fahrenheit 451", "The Upanishads", "The Bhagavadgita", various oral histories - "The Arabian Nights", "The Epic of Gilgamesh", H.P. Lovecraft - "collected stories", H.G. Wells - "collected stories", Amy Dockser Marcus - "The View from Nebo", Irshad Manji - "The Trouble with Islam Today", Jack Holland - "A Short History of Misogyny", "What the Bleep do we know?", Ferdowsi - "Shahnameh" (if ever, IF EVER, there was a book with a history and a purpose...), Jose Antonio Burciaga - "Drink Cultura", Sharon Lawrence - "Jimi Hendrix" (Sharon is a journalist who actually knew and was close personal friends with Jimi; everyone should read this book), Steven Mithen - "The Singing Neanderthal: The Origins of Music, Language, Mind, and Body", Bill Plotkin - "Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche", Gregg Braden - "The Divine Matrix: Bridging Time Space, Miracles, and Beliefs", Stephen Hawking - "A Brief History of Time", Dr. Louann Brizendine - "The Female Brain", Richard Zachs - "An Underground Education", Payam Nabarz - "The Mysteries of Mithras", Upton Sinclair - "The Jungle", Chuck Thompson - "Smile when you're lying", anything non-fiction relating to history, psychology, sociology, etc etc. I read a lot.

MUSIC:

STYLES: Metal, Folk, Tuvan Throat-Singing, 70s Porno Groove (one of my faves), Swing, Big Band, Blues, Jazz, Persian music, Indian music, Trance, Bagpipes, Rockabilly, Opera, Classickal, Romantick, North African rhythms, Taiko drumming, among other styles...

BANDS: Opeth and Tool are my two favorite bands (Tool are easily one of the best and most perfect bands in the history of the universe), Jimi Hendrix (the reason why I am a musician today), Faith No More (their "The Real Thing" album was my introduction to western music, believe it or not), Sigur Rós (seen these guys live 4 times), Flogging Molly, Arcturus, ...and Oceans, Tenhi (one of the best bands ever), Sepultura, Alice in Chains, Eluveitie, Ensiferum, Turisas, green carnation (saw them live in Los Angeles; that's right, envy me), Children of Bodom, Turmion Kätilöt (I'd trust pretty much any band from Finland), Stam1na (and no, that's not a typo; they're called "Stam1na"), Ministry, Meshuggah (saw both live on Ministry's last tour), Dark Tranquillity (I used to be a huge fan of In Flames until I heard Dark Tranquillity. These guys changed my life), Ill Niño, Kraftwerk (first techno band ever, therefore, they deserve your respect!), Apocalyptica, Vintersorg, Huun Huur Tu, Yat-Kha, Tyva Kyzy, Kondar ool-Xovalyg, Ismo Alanko, YUP, Kotiteollisuus, CMX, AC/DC, A Perfect Circle, Malice Mizer, Shiina Ringo, Sigh, Devin Townsend, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Björk, Enigma, Enya (yes, I like Enya, so fuck off), Bloodthorn, The MC5, Kraftwerk, Angel Dust, Jag Panzer, Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, The Offspring, Tantric (one of the best bands I've heard in a long time), Ustad Zakir Hussain (my percussion hero!), Fatboy Slim, Roni Size, Mechanical Poet, Godspeed You Black Emperor!, Do Make Say Think, The Shalabi Effect, Ulver, Radiohead, Loreena McKennitt, The Tea Party, Korpiklaani, Garmarna, Hedningarna, Värttinä, Troka, Väsen, Finntroll, Frank Zappa (and you can't mention Frank Zappa without Steve Vai...), Anathema, Yoko Kanno & the Seatbelts, Pink Floyd, Massive Attack, Arrested Development, et al. et al.

MOVIES:

Genghis Blues, The Yes Men (these dudes are my new heroes! if I were sitting in a pub, and they walked in, I'd buy each one of them a pitcher of the finest quality ale! Watch it for yourself here and proceed to think, ponder, contemplate, and laugh your ass off: http://www.moviesfoundonline.com/yes_men.php), Supersize Me, Fahrenheit 9/11, Zero Effect (one of the best movies you've never seen), Dogma, The Matrix, Lachko Drom, Baraka, Pink Floyd - "The Wall", "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" (Johnny Depp is a motherfucking master), Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ratatouille (utterly amazing! If you don't/didn't enjoy it, there's something terribly, horribly wrong with you), Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter (the greatest movie ever made!), Sin City, Gattaca, L.A. Confidential (and not just because I'm from LA; this really is a great movie), Army of Darkness, Titanic (HA, I'm kidding!! I hated that movie. Holy monkeyfucker batting an elephant's balls back and forth, you should've seen the look on your face! Oh, my kingdom for a camera!! *mmgherhm* moving on...), Airplane!, UHF, the Naked Gun trilogy, the Cowboy Bebop movie, Powder, Boondock Saints, Pulp Fiction, Dumb and Dumber, The Truman Show, Malcolm X, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Monty Python's The Life of Brian, Monty Python and the Meaning of Life, Stay, Team America: World Police

FOODS:

Mexican, Persian, Indian, many various African styles, etc. Eating is very important. (Yeah, I know, stop the fuckin presses...)

z = y + x

Let z = the six things I could never do without

Let y = 5 important things

Let x = your mom

(never gets old...)

The evil reptilian overlords and how unbelievably fucking Metal they are!! There should totally be an extreme Metal band called "The Anunnaki"! GGRARARRRARARSNARLLSEHEWJFKLEDJDFMMMEETAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!

Oh, *cough* and, uh, you name it, I've probably written about it at some point.

Also, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this, but if you view your own page, you "can't woo yourself", but you can "add to friends" as well as "save profile". Check that shit out.

Also, again, not a lot of time spent by me thinking about this, but somehow, I'm a 97% match with myself and a 98% friend match with myself. Now, taken at face value, it's all cute and funny and all that other shit, but stop and think about it for a second. Now, I realize that I'd probably get along great with my clone, even though I'd wanna strangle the bastard sometimes, let's presume that, hypothetically, I end up hooking up with myself and we end up fuckin. Would that qualify as masturbation or incest? One of the great mysteries of life...

with your mom.

(See? Never gets old.)

is the fact that Jesus really did build my hotrod. No lie!

also,

Cocks

Alien Rocket Cocks!

Editors

• Vitus_12

You weren't scared away in the process of reading this profile and thus actually made it this far.

You have an inexplicable, incomprehensible affinity for pointless growling.

You're a loving musician and you play from your fucking heart

You're any form of awesome. Basically, if you totally rock, hit me up. I'm always looking to meet cool people. I guess if you are lame you can send me a message, too; I'm not cool-biased. It's nice to nurture that balance.

Plus, super-double-extra bonus points if you're Russian, Mexican, Irish, Turkish, Persian, or Indian.

Editors

• Vitus_12