Twas many years ago, around 1983, or rather exactly in 1983, when I was expelled from the womb. At that exact moment, birds were chirping and flowers began to bloom. This probably had more to do on account of it being spring and not because I was introduced into the world, but tear down a man's dream and you tear out his soul. I don't remember much about the moment of my birth, I don't remember much before it either, but I'm fairly certain I cried a lot. Probably on account of my being a pussy. Lots of people saw me naked that day, doctors, nurses, my parents. Much has changed since then.

I spent the formidable years of my life growing up in close proximity to the beach, where my heart still lies unless someone has picked it up, until my parents moved us into the country where the public schools had "Take Your Tractor to School Day". I never had a tractor, nor did I ever go to public school, so I never knew what I wasn't missing out on in the first place.

Time passed.

At the tenderly ripe age of 22 I was lured to the bright lights of Las Vegas with promises of jobs and $300 a month rent. I would be rolling in dough, they said. I would have to beat the ladies off with sticks, they said. They lied. Or, they never said things like that at all and I'm making it all up. I assure you this isn't the case. But it might be.

Fast forward one year later and you'll find me moving back to Virginia. (And, please, do find me if you can move forward through time, because you're someone I probably want to know.) It was around this time I started to doubt the existence of God. Doubt turned to questions. Answers moved me to turn my back and walk away, which I did on my 25th Birthday.

My new-found belief, which I like to call "agnostically-deist", led me to move to a place that was more liberal and tolerant of people who doubted the existence of God. I had chosen to move to Tennessee...where God apparently likes to speak through billboards. All of this leads up to the next chapter of my story, conveniently titled, "What I'm doing with my life".

I feel like it's time for an update. So here goes. An update.

The End.

Epilogue:

I returned to academia this current semester to procure a degree in the photographic arts. Because that's where the money is. I feel like I've found my calling, as cliche as that sounds. (I want to spell cliche with that little ` on the e. But the spell check says it's spelled correctly.)

I'll be in the Nashville are for a few more years whilst I while away the hours finding ingenious new ways to put off homework and shooting assignments. As I seem to work really, really, I can't seem to stress this enough, really well under pressure, I see no reason to stop.

After my commencement, I shall be looking forward to the life of the starving artist. Or finding some lonely, rich cougar who wants nothing more to lavish a handsome, young stud such as myself with gifts and a healthy stipend.

More than likely, I'll move to the Pacific Northwest somewhere, or Europe. The British Isles or Ireland, perhaps. Somewhere as long as it rains. A lot.

Finding information. I like the detective work that goes into and putting all of the pieces together to find out what I need to know.

On occasion I like to dress up in suits. This happens a lot in the winter. I also like to wear my long overcoat and fedora. I often get confused for a 1920's gangster. People at work call me old man, Frank or Humphrey. Frank and Humphrey are my heroes so I usually take it as a complement and don't feel the need to introduce them the business end of my Tommy gun.

Favorite books: "Sailing alone Around the World" is probably my current favorite book. It was Huck Finn when I was younger. I also like Nick Hornby and I just discovered and Paulo Coelho, but the book I bought got destroyed before I could finish it. I also like Jim Butcher's Dresden Files series.

Favorite movies: Casablanca, Cinderella, The Godfather, Ratatouille, The Usual Suspects and You've Got Mail. I've also been watching Love Actually a lot and it's quickly becoming one of my favorite movies.

First and foremost, will always be Frank Sinatra and Jimmy Buffett. I love Dave Matthews, but haven't really been able to get into his last few albums. I'm also really into Irish folk music, like the Clancy Brothers, Tommy Makem, Luke Kelly, The Dubliners, The Wolfetones etc.

Food: Italian food was always my favorite when I was a child. There are two great pubs/restaurants in Nashville, one Irish, the other English, that I absolutely love.

are:

my camera,

my iDevices,

my guitar

my nook

the Internet (no, seriously. I tried. I was in a coma for two days after. The doctor said never to try it again if I value breathing.)

and

a hot shower.

what I'm going to shoot next. With my camera. I don't want to give some unsuspecting country girl the impression that I enjoy nothing more than to gallivant around with a massive firearm.

working. I like how okcupid starts my sentences for me. They know me too well. When I'm not working I'm usually at home catching up on netflix or I'm at Barnes and Noble pretending I can read. I have a dream that one day I will finish "Hop on Pop".

I might think Mary Poppins is kind of hot.

you're looking for someone to hang out with, go canoeing, or want to tour Nashville. You should really message me if you're interested in doing any of those things with me and not just some random someone.