I am really at a point in my life where I need non-stop drama. I love being in the thick of complete indecision and non-committal due to fear and insecurity. My favorite things are being woken up by phone calls at 3-am so I can listen to someone cry about how their ex (insert husband/boyfriend) called them and said something hurtful.

I also like being lied to. Seriously... guessing the truth is much more entertaining than actually knowing it. I'm a sucker for a good mystery.

My ideal lady is a 23 year old supermodel with a mensa IQ and a trust fund, but I will settle for a really nice down to earth girl who is willing to pay off my chronic gambling debts, will put up with my raging alcoholism and doesn't mind hiding me from the hit men who are after me. If this sounds like you then I would like to meet you.

For fun I enjoy Midget wrestling. I get a huge ego boost from taking down 3 or 4 of those little fellas.
I fequent many local hot spots...The Moose in CDA, Capones in CDA, The Beacon, Moontime, The Elk... my house.. it's pretty hot here and I need an air conditioner. Actually, I need YOU to buy me an air conditioner. Come on.. they're cheap and I'm worth it.

My favorite foods are pretty varied. I can pretty much eat anything as long as it's not bigger than my head. I once ate a dozen bull testicles on a dare. Okay.. I ate 11. the last one I made a loud coughing sound as a diversion and tossed it into my friends martini. I won $5. Go me.

My education is extensive. I'm smart enough to know that a diploma is a piece of paper and creative enough to know how to forge one.

I also enjoy the outdoors (I didn't get out much in prison)... motorcycling (I have a sweet ride...until the repo-men take it)... long trips to nowhere (providing you car doesn't break down.. I suck at fixing things)... long walks on the beach (unless I have to save you from drowning... I can't swim)... watching movies (I have a huge porn collection) and cuddling.

I also enjoy reading. The last thing I read was this profile to make sure I didn't speel anything worng. Don't wanna look like an idiot or nothing.

I hope you like my picture. I searched Google for 2 hours to find it.
I think it's pretty flippin' sweet.

Looking for a woman to destroy it.

ordering drinks on other peoples bar tabs.

is that I know everything and can generally tell you what your going to say before you say it.

I can't answer this and be sarcastic so I'll leave it blank.

this too.

how I am going to answer these questions.

still as awesome as I was on Thursday.

you're a drop dead hot Russian lady and need an operation or ransom money for the Russian Mafia.