I'm a wikipedia addict.

I will discuss anything.

I (almost) read too much.

I swear (sporadically and creatively).

I like the world better when it's raining.

I teach origami to underprivileged children.

I arranged these thoughts in order of length.

I know all of the words to Jesus Christ Superstar.

I can't tell you the difference between pornography and art.

I don't think I am half as interesting as my friends make me out to be.

I'm a pretty hoopy frood; meaning, I always know where my towel is.

I comfort friends by telling that everything will turn out all right in the end, but don't often believe a damn word of it myself.

If I had a nickel for every time someone told me I was going to Hell, I would have enough nickels to pay someone to beat those people to death with a tube sock filled with nickels.

I'm reading everything that I can get my hands on, and, recently, I found a place that has a hoard of obscenely cheap books. Imagine a pile of leaves, only replace the leaves with books.

I guess it would have been easier to just imagine a pile of books. Whatever. People don't use their imaginations enough as it is and I'll be boffed and benighted before I become just another goddamn enabler.

I'm also developing a plan for world domination. Surprisingly, I still have time for Scrabble.

There's no way to parade one's merits without sounding cocksure, which I will admit to being sometimes (despite the fact that I lack that particular anatomical tidbit). So I can put on pants both legs a time? Whoop-de-do. I still have a hard time putting on matching socks in the morning, and, in the dark, I will always manage to kick every single piece of furniture on my way out of a room (no matter how familiar with it I happen to be).

I'm particularly good at writing particularly bad poetry. I often have a problem finding just the right words, so most of what I write has large blank spaces surrounded by a lot of blottings-out where I tried to fill in a word (or phrase) but ultimately found the substitution unsatisfactory.

In all seriousness, though, I'm good at everything.

People often mistake my "confused" face for my "you're an idiot" face. I have no idea how they manage that one.

(A) I love to read, so here's a small list: 1984, 2001: A Space Odyssey, An American Tragedy, Animal Farm, Brave New World, Brighter English, Catch-22, A Clockwork Orange, A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Giver, The Hedonism Handbook, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (and subsequent books), How to be a Villian: Evil Laughs, Secret Lairs, Master Plans and More!!!, Inferno, The Iron Heel, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Johnny Got His Gun, Kings of Infinite Space, Lady Chatterley's Lover, A Light in the Attic, Lord of the Flies, The Lottery, McTeague, The Metamorphosis, The Metamorphosis of Prime Intellect, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Paradise Lost, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, The Satanic Verses, Spoon River Anthology Stiff, The Talisman, We, Wicked (before the musical and the cult following), The Zombie Survival Guide, and the collective works of Roald Dahl, H.L. Mencken, Lewis Carrol, George Orwell, [Mark Twain, Adelaide Crapsey and Kurt Vonnegut.

On a side note, will someone please explain why the Hell everyone likes Chuck Palahniuk?

(B)12 Angry Men (1957), 2001: A Space Odyssey, American History X, American Psycho, Apocalypse Now, Beetlejuice, Being John Malkovich, Big Fish, The Birds, Blazing Saddles, The Blues Brothers, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Children of Men, A Clockwork Orange, Dazed & Confused, Death of a President, Death to Smoochy, Dick Tracy, Dogma, Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, Edward Scissorhands, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Everything is Illuminated, Evil Dead (series), Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amelie Poulain, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Full Metal Jacket, Go, Goodfellas, Grosse Point Blank, The History Boys, I Heart Huckabee’s, Indiana Jones, The Jerk, The Jacket, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Layer Cake, The Libertine, The Life of Brian, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, Lord of War, Mallrats, Man on the Moon, The Merchant of Venice, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, Monsters, Inc., Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life, Mr. Holland’s Opus, Office Space, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Orgazmo, Pan’s Labyrinth, The Phantom of the Opera (1925), The Princess Bride, The Professional, Psycho, Pulp Fiction, The Quick and the Dead, Reservoir Dogs, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, A Scanner Darkly, Serenity, The Shawshank Redemption, Silverado, Snatch, Spaceballs, Stay, Sunshine,Superbad, Thank You For Smoking, Titan A.E., Tombstone, Trainspotting, Tron, The Usual Suspects, V for Vendetta, Willy Wonka, etc.

Just so you know, I would rather have plot holes and explosions than a mushy, half-assed romantic comedy starring Hugh "I get my jollies from a hooker in a dark alley" Grant.

Oh, and I love Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

(C) Nearly everything, but I don't care to list particulars. I swear people are more bigoted about musical preferences than they are about appearances (e.g. race, distance between eyes, etc.). I say nearly everything because I don't really go for religious, praise-oriented music (in whatever genre). Not that some of it isn't beautiful (mainly the classical whatnots), but it sort of loses some umph if you think of God as little more than a grown-up's imaginary friend. My current fixations are Jeremy Garrett and The Guggenheim Grotto.

(D) I never developed a taste for seafood and cannot stand the smell of fish. Other than that, I'll try anything twice - once to see if I like it, the second time to make sure. This causes problems occasionally.

(I realize that I need food, shelter, water, sunlight, air, etc. The appropriate answer to this question is implied to be outside Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Thankyouverymuchcockbite.)

The arts (music, literature, film, bowling ball stacking, etc.), woolen socks, imagination, indignation, the semicolon and whiskey*.

*I could, honestly, probably do without it, but I won't. I like whiskey. A lot.

Life, the Universe, everything.

Busy, sleeping, writing or some combination of the three.

And, yeah, I can write in my sleep. Did you miss the "I'm good at everything" section?

I prefer to watch movies with the subtitles on.

You probably shouldn't message me. I'm not approved by nine out of ten dentists.*

Look, I'm an English major, so I'm really not going to be interested in talking to someone that sends an initial message that: 1) improperly uses an ellipsis (you know, dot dot dot); 2) drops letters from the ends of words without using proper, representative punctuation (e.g. doin, thinkin, what-the-fuck-everin); 3) fails to capitalize the beginning of a sentence; 4) misuses your (possessive), you're (contraction), their (possessive), there (adverb), they're (contraction), it's (contraction), its (possessive), where (adverb), wear (verb) or any combination of the above; 5) contains texting abbreviations (e.g. 2 for 'two', r for 'are', etc.)** ; 6) contains excessive run-on sentences; 7) ends multiple sentences in prepositions; 8) has entirely random capitalization and punctuation (and is not a free verse poem); 9) has subject-verb disagreement; or 10) manages to achieve all of these in six words or fewer.***/****

*Disclaimer: Insults and/or injuries resulting from messages sent against medical advice (AMA) will not be covered by your HMO. Sorry.

** For the sake of emphasis, some abbreviations are acceptable. Instances will be judged case-by-case for violation.

*** Seriously, though, just don't be an asshat and you'll probably be fine.

**** This section makes me sound like a snob but it has seriously cut down the number of crap messages in my inbox; so, I'm leaving it here. Snobbery be damned.

Also, it seems I am pretty horrible at getting back to people. Be persistent until I tell you to go away. Then, please go away.