Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well,
where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving
boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a
penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French
prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize,
he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented
the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being
lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and
the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon,
luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was
insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty
standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe.
At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically
shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn
scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Living it to the fullest!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm not really sure but you can let me know what you notice first
so then I'll know :)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Basically anything that catches my interest, I am pretty random.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Please stop with the personal lap dance requests. I only do
Batchelorette party's, birthdays (the one where I jump out of the
cake with nothing but a banana hammock on), female only office
parties, Avon parties, Halloween parties, Christmas parties,
Tupperware parties, tea parties, and female sex toy parties.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Do not message me if you are a stripper, bartender, waitress,
aspiring actress, Scorpio, or if you have implants....it never
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.