Sarcastic self deprecating social media attention whore & food lover (yes i take pictures of my chicken nuggets) looking for someone who will mostly stay out of the way but still welcome the occasional cuddle or Saturday afternoon Law & Order marathon.

Working 9 to 5 like a typical FiDi douchebag. Cooking delicious dinners for 2 or more. Drinking too much bourbon. Saving TV shows on my DVR then getting caught in a Law & Order marathon instead of watching the saved shows. Riding my Puma Pico, the hottest commute bike in the Bay Area. Thinking about one day paddling on the Bay again, soon, hopefully. Collecting designer eyewear. Being a naughty monkey.

everything there is to know about retirement accounts. I am too good at eating cheeseburgers for my own good.

My tattoos, if I'm wearing a short sleeve shirt. Other than that I don't know...my man boobs?

Books: The Sex Lives of Cannibals, Getting Stoned with Savages

Movies: Breakfast Club, Hamlet (4hr kenneth branaugh version), Way of the Gun, Pillow Book, Everyone Says I Love You

Music: everything but fake contemporary country music

cheese, music, pork, socks, friends, film

IRAs and excess contribution penalties

Worrying about the porkpacalypse…

I fart in my sleep

Your name is Kina Grannis or Colbie Caillat. Also, if you flagged the food pictures I had in my photo album please tell me why you hate pretty & delicious food.