I've tried doing this "sum yourself up" thing a few times and it never feels right too me. I'm a biased observer after-all, but since I'm the best you've got I guess I'll stop my bitching and get on with it...

I love badmitten. No it's not misspelled, it's a new game I just made up. It involves a kettle of napalm and asbestos gloves or "mittens". "Who's got the bad mitten?!?! and who's gonna end up in the burn ward!" That's my tagline. I hope its more successful than my last game "Kapow!" where I combined overstock Chinese bottle-rockets and Parcheesi boards to great effect. Sadly the lawsuits were too much for me. It will be different this time though.

When not inventing games of pain and disfigurement. I enjoy yachting around the world in my steel destroyer with a team of sexy elite female assassins each as beautiful as they are deadly. They usually spend their nights out at various exotic ports of call with muscled guys named things like Sergei, or Ambrosio. That's just business though. I'm pretty sure they all have feelings for me, but are holding back for professional reasons. Which is good! I mean no guy wants to be teamed up on by a group of beautiful women with leather and guns all sweaty from their narrow escape from the island chateau. With blood on their hands and death behind their eyes, each one of them driven slightly mad with guilt from the path of shattered lives that has been left in their wake. That same guilt driving each of their sexual passions to a tempest of furious sexual energy just waiting to dump out on someone, anyone, in the vain hope it will silence their horrible guilt. Each one begging for some sort of depraved humiliation to one up the others. No. I wouldn't want that. AT ALL.

When I'm at home I enjoy simpler pleasures. Things like riding my giant genetically engineered housecats around my scale replica of the Tower of Babylon. Or, playing themed games of human chess such as "Childhood enemies vs. Vagrants" or "Beauticians vs. Janitors". These games are not to the death (I'm not a douche ok), but do follow standard MMA octagon rules. I'd sell pay-per-view rights, but there are some binding legal issues I have in Thailand I'm obliged to observe. What can you do? right?

Also I like to cook.

Now if you've read this much, I'd wager you're a special kind of girl (or guy who doesn't pay attention), which means you're different. I like that about you. Even so, you might be thinking things like "Wow, this guy is really full of shit" or "What a lying asshole, he's really told me nothing about himself." To which I protest. A wise man once said: "Truth may be stranger than fiction, goes the old saw, but it is never as strange as lies. (Or, for that matter, as true.)" Maybe he was just really funny.

What am I not doing? Between my plays to overthrow the government of New Zealand, start a successful business importing Japanese robot toilets, and build a secret base on a uncharted volcanic island in the south Pacific I'm trying to meet new people. The venetian mask secret ritual sex club scene just isn't doing it for me anymore. Sure its great for the first few years, but after the 3rd time the tall stunningly beautiful naked woman tells you "You're in great danger!" honestly it gets a little old. If you manage to do 111 club nights in a row you wake up in Kubrick's basement though, or so I've heard.

Stupidly obvious lies.

The solid gold mask of Ronald Reagan I wear most of the time. In homage of the movie Point Break and also as persona for the venetian mask secret ritual sex club scene which I used to be into. That and the bright green suit I often wear that is covered in dollar signs.

It's hard for me to pick favorites. Context after all, enhances the ear, the palate, the mind itself. So I think most of us are at a loss to sum up such things in a brief space, but I will try. When traveling through the Mexican desert with a friend on a revenge quest against a drug dealer from Juarez, I established a taste for mariachi. After he finished his business, and sadly his life as well, I was left directionless without guide or friendship. So I hired a mariachi band to follow me wherever I went writing songs about my adventures. Modern day troubadours if you will. Not speaking Spanish I never understood a word they sung of me, but it was utterly fantastic nonetheless. Sometime after they left my service I heard they released an album which I believe was called El weto loco, or something like that, I'm not certain.

I must break for a moment... so a few boring true facts:
Recent Music: My Robot Friend, Ministry, Imogen Heap, Black Keys.
Currently Reading: Shadow and Claw By Gene Wolfe, The Brothers Karamazov By Fyodor Dostoevsky
Current TV: Flash Forward, Mythbusters
Current/Recent Games: Uncharted 2, Eden
Recent Films: Believe the Eddie Izzard Story, There Will be Blood

Computer, towel, pizza stone, sharp knife, convertible wind, hugs from mom

If I could create a skyscraper in my own likeness on the outskirts of my hometown and live in my own giant head if you will. I suppose a psychologist might say I already do.

Watching TV w/ friends, or yachting in my destroyer (see above).

you want something different. C'mon you've read the same god damn ad 10 times in a row. I'm not as dangerous as YOU are after-all. You're a strong woman! You don't fear rejection from someone like this do you? Maybe you're not even attracted to this guy, but you're going to do it! Because you're not a coward basking in the power high of feminine judgment like these other bitches. You are an individual who lives by her own rules! Who fears nothing! Do it! Never let regret trump disappointment! DO IT! :)