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hahafart

22 M Santa Cruz, CA

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Strictly other
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Working on two-year college
Job
Sales / Marketing
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Has dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Poorly), Ancient Greek (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I was always pretty bad at summaries; invariably spoiling the ending way before... erm, the ending.
That being said, SPOILER ALERT, my ending will probably consist of at least one major organ ceasing its primary functions. You can stop reading now. You already know that Dumble---- me, I, this stranger you're reading about, dies at the end of the 6th book.

And now, completely out of sequence, here's some other shit you can read:

Me = music x beach volleyball - television that didn't begin its run in the 90s + gourmet, gluten-free cooking x writing - cauliflower + tennis + music
Don't bother checking the back of the book on that one. Math is pretty much my strongest suit; I failed algebra 152 on purpose and at that point I felt college level mathematics were just too far beneath me to bother with. I have algorithm-offs with every Greek mathematician every time I pop down to the Elysian Fields for a drink.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm pretty sure that, since I'm an alive person (as opposed to a dead person, you see), everything I do I do with my life.

Which would be fantastic and vital and lively and lovely... If I was actually doing anything.

Working various food service jobs for shit pay while circling the community college drain for at least another semester, desperately, unsuccessfully trying to find and felate Joel McHale doesn't really count as a thing....

At least I can keep watching Vampire Diaries and thumb-wrestling my dog to occupy my time (I am the percent that really doesn't even care enough to understand my own sociopolitical reference...) until Cabrillo starts and my mom threatens to kick me out of the house unless I get a job.

So, you know, I'm pretty successful.
I’m really good at
Wordcrafting
Foodcrafting
Volleyballcrafting
Idrumsometimescrafting
Singingwithmyvoicecrafting
Craftcrafting (I made a boat once. Put a lizard in it and sailed it down a drainpipe. The lost voyage of Captain Greenscale....)
The first things people usually notice about me
"This guy is awkward and I don't know how I feel about him. He's tall and white, so he probably has a stash of dead bodies under his house, but he makes funny jokes, so... well, still probably with the bodies and whatnot. He smells alright, but what's the deal with his hair? I want him to go away now."

I'm guessing. It's been at least a year or two since I fell out of the habit of asking new acquaintances, "Excuse me, new acquaintance, but would you mind telling me exactly what you thought of me when first we met?"

And, because all of a sudden I'm compelled to give less sardonic answers, probably just whatever painfully bright colors or clashing patterns I happen to be wearing?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I don't read much, but when I do, it's probably a book by Tom Robbins, Christopher Moore, Kurt Vonnegut, or some bad, terrible, awful book about witches or vampires that my gaggle of teenage female cousins recommends. Recently I've been reading surrealist mystery novels. The only real mystery though... Is why I'm reading surrealist mystery novels. It's really quite, what's the word, less-than-real-feeling. The more fantastical becomes the fantasy world of my reality, the less fantastical becomes my reading list (re. I'm reading nonfiction these days and actually Liking it.)

As for movies, I'll watch anything as long as it isn't nominated for an Oscar or an MTV Award. Favorites include The Princess Bride, The Usual Suspects, Galaxy Quest, Dark Days, Star Trek 4 (the one about whales), 500 Days of Summer, Paranormal Activity and Pokemon: The First Movie

Shows: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Xena: Warrior Princess, Hercules the Legendary Journeys, Farscape, Sex and the City, Degrassi: the Next Generation... y'know, manly shows like these. As far as stuff that isn't horribly dated and/or eerily estrogenic... Shows about psychosis and or death I guess? Breaking Bad, Dexter, American Horror, Walking Dead. Joel Osteen. Things like that.

Music: I have music phases. (which is way less exciting than having music phasers) Currently hipping and hopping around the underground to inspire an inexplicable desire to turn my poetry into rhyme. Favorite rapper... Probably Gift of Gab or Pharoahe. Favorite genres though? Probably always metal, prog and jazz. Random artists:
DMB
Kate Bush
Ouroboros
Revocation
Hiromi
Parallel Mind
Rise Against
... and August Burns Red's Christmas Album, definitely.
The longer my beard gets, the more indie hippie ukelele music and/or Viking metal I find myself listening to.

Food: I have an autoimmune disorder of the intestines. Due to this I've been prescribed a diet, customized to fit my needs. I don't eat wheat/gluten, certain grains, and try to avoid too much meat. It takes some getting used to, but luckily I'm an excellent cook... Also Cheetos and skittles are gluten free, so....
The six things I could never do without
Creation (not to be confused with creationism, which I already do perfectly well without)
Human Interaction
Consumption (mostly food and media, occasionally booze and Stevia)
Functional Ears and Taste Buds (the rest of my senses I could do without)
Pencils
Potato Chips
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Rhythm. Whether it's in my head or being boxed, beat style, all over my computer screen, rhythm is almost always on my mind.

I imagine I think a lot about food and sex, too, but definitely not as much as rhythm.

Perhaps rhythmic sex could work, but I'm skeptical towards rhythmic food.

The reason why the righthand curl of my mustachio never curls quite right, and the lefthand curl is left bereft of a curling partner....

What causes people to take things so seriously, and where I can get a sweet purple coat to go with my neon green shirts.
On a typical Friday night I am
Participating in pogo-stick competitions with zombified gerbils.
Expectorationg from a bridge onto passersby below.
Spirit-walking through Indonesian brothels.
Undulating gelatinously.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I used to be smart.
But then a combination of drugs and me realizing it didn't matter made me an idiot.
I used to be fun, but then a combination of mild narcissism and sober living made me a complete bore
Oh, and, I've probably cyberstalked the profile of just about every human in the tri county area, and several whose humanity could be questioned. Why are all y'all bitches so attractive!?
Well, most of y'all bitches... I'm about to commit hipster blasphemy and alienate half of the people on this site, but some of you need to take the CD-Roms out of your earlobes, the fishhooks from your nostrils and seriously ponder your priorities before you get another garish and ultimately meaningless tattoo. Body modification is one of the most lazy and confusing forms of "expression" out there. You're already beautiful, you're already unique! Staahhhp!
I’m looking for
  • Everybody
  • Ages 18–26
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
this profile didn't scare you or lull you to sleep or give your dog a stomachache; if it made you laugh at all, even in your head (does laughter ever come out of a non-cranial location?); if you have any good gluten-free recipes to share; or if you'd like to start a punk-rock band for the purpose of sticking it to the man and disestablishing the establishment. (jokery aside, let's start a band!)
Most importantly, if you understand the distinctions between sarcasm and cynicism; between satire and malice; between the buried and me; between between and betwixt, etc....