I'm that guy, the guy who shows up at the party shy, but eventually
has the lampshade on, and never touched a drop of alcohol.
I'm a sucker, a bad liar, and I like to tell stories with only a
toe-hold on reality that sound plausible if only physics were
different or giant bats existed. I sing terrible renditions of
Queen songs at the top of my voice, and I will delight in
embarrassing the shit out of you in public, and when you break down
and join in the silly-making, you'll know just about all there is
to know about me. Once you've pushed beyond the envelope, you'll
find me, afloat on a raft made of puns lashed together with awful
I am Alexander Hamilton, Yani, and Brilliance, in one!
What I’m doing with my life
Work and school mostly, two jobs and a few units a semester. Slow and steady wins the race, right?
I want to have a family large enough to crew a series of boats; my children will become my pirate crew, and together, we will sail the seas, stealing bigger and better boats until we have overtaken an AEGIS missile cruiser and use it to terrorize all of the seas.
I’m really good at
writing stories that people seem to like (to my face, anyway); reading; being a walking dictionary; un\intentionally cutting you down like I was a lumberjack in a redwood stand; dressing up as a semi-retarded hunchback with an unfailingly positive attitude and then dressing the hunchback up in different costumes and going places to meet people. Yes, costume within costume, I am that talented.
The first things people usually notice about me
You have such beautiful red hair, oh where did you get such wonderful hair, oh GOD I wish I had hair that color, is it natural? Grrrrrawwwwwwl.
Uh, thanks, lady.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
A. Three books: One Hundred Years of Solitude; The Things They Carried; Catch-22
B. Children of Men; LA Confidential; Ninja Turtles the Movie and so many more;
C. Sufjan Stevens; Iron and Wine; Queens of the Stone Age (Eagles of Death Metal); Wilco; The Arcade Fire, scads of other bands;
D. Food is kind of a chore; curry; spaghetti; burritos; sandwiches are usually delicious; the perfectly prepared steak is always nice; snow peas; fresh pineapple makes me a glutton of the ugliest sort.
The six things I could never do without
Books, I know from experience, are one thing that I cannot live without.
College ruled paper, because when I don't have it, I am driven crazy by my desire to possess it, even if I won't write anything on it.
Being silly. Not being silly like is losing a limb; there are phantom pains, and when repressed, the crazy just oozes out in other expressions.
Music, also from experience, is a luxury I take for granted way too much.
My good friends.
Downtime; without it I get mean, and nobody like it when I get like that, least of all me.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Silly, silly things. Giant bats, car accidents, wandering children, space travel, firearms, nightmares, computers, youtube, dice games, zombies, algebra, Achewood
On a typical Friday night I am
At work until 7PM, and then free the rest of the weekend, which could mean getting drunk and crashing Christian singles dances, shaking hands with a thousand people as Randy, The Misshapen Ambassador of Goodwill, working all damn weekend at the other job, bored from a lack of friends being off work or not lame, being lame myself, or exhausted to the point of collapse.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have no idea what I'm doing, or saying, and I will inevitably offend you in a way that brooks nothing less than an exhaustive apology. Terrible statements come out of my mouth, almost at will, and are, for the most part entirely harmless. If I don't remember your name later, I will remember you by your most salient feature (like the girl nicknamed "Blitzkreig," because the Germans could drive from her eyebrows across her forehead and never make it to her hairline).
You should message me if
You want to; if you want to have a good time just hanging out; if you want to talk about music, movies or books you like; if you're a hot single cheerleader who likes doing nerdy stuff but feels guilty like a Catholic about it; if you like impromptu karaoke in bars, parking lots, etc.; if being even a little weird trips your trigger; giant bats swoop down, steal half a man walking in a rain storm, and messily devours his torso from atop the KFC sign across the street in your short fiction; because you wish giant bats swooped down and messily ate people torsos atop KFC signs in your short fiction; oh, how I do go on.