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30 / M / Straight / Single
- Last Online
- Yesterday – 12:52am
- 5′ 9″ (1.75m)
- Body Type
- A little extra
- Mostly anything
- Other, but not too serious about it
- Leo, but it doesn’t matter
- Graduated from law school
- Relationship Type
- Likes dogs and likes cats
- English (Fluently), Korean (Okay)
I'm on the verge of becoming a millionaire -- in 5 years. That's what the radio talk show host told me. Or was it the self-help book I bought from Amazon? (Shit, who am I kidding, I meant self-help books, plural.)
I don't know. I have a lot of good ideas. Like a pebble cannon for your car's grill. It's a perfect plan, right? You load that motherfucker with pebbles, and when a sonofabitch cuts you off, you fire one at him. It won't hit their windshield or any vital part--wouldn't want to hurt any innocent bystanders or drivers, after all--but it might put some dents in his fender or the body of his car, ALL WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO BE INCRIMINATED! What, they're going to collect pebbles from off the road to match your fingerprints? Besides, there's no federal institution that regulates the pebble industry, right? Fucking genius.
2) Teaching. I can teach just about anything to anyone, except really hard shit. I guess that's a huge qualifying condition, huh?
3) Thinking of the most utterly preposterous stuff to want to say to someone but never being able to say it. Like when I'm on the road and there's a shitty driver in front of me, I'm thinking, "Hey, FUCK you! Learn how to drive your goddamn car, or I'm going to eat your mom's vagina out!" but I can't say that to him because I'm busy trying to honk my horn at him instead. What can I say? I can't multitask very well.
4) Texting and driving. I know this is against the law, and because I admitted this publicly, there's probably no way I can plead the 5th anymore, if I ever get caught texting and driving, but it's the truth. I am a shitty multitasker except when it comes to texting and driving. As Archer would say, "I have perfect situational awareness." I do. I'm a road ninja. Except for the time I totaled my car.... texting and driving. No, actually, I wasn't. Like I said, I'm a very good texter and driver, just not good when I get blindsided by black ice. I fucking hate black ice.
5) Farting. I don't get why girls don't fart in front of guys. I am an amazing farter, and I wish I could share them with girls, but I get so nervous around girls that I like that it's as if my sphincter won't unrelease itself. How is a man supposed to fart with an anxiety disorder like that? (I don't know if it's actually a disorder, but I do have a bitching hard time farting in front of girls... I guess I'm not that good at farting after all. So sad.)
"Oh hey, I've got a small penis! Please date me! I promise I'll rock your world!" Obviously a total babe magnet of a pickup line if there ever was one. No sarcasm intended. (Okay, that was admittedly a lie. A lot of sarcasm was intended. I'm not dumb enough to think you'd be dumb enough to believe I wasn't being sarcastic.)
Books: I read comic books, manga, and math and physics textbooks.
Movies: I will give 5 stars to just about any movie that has over-the-top violence and badass martial arts choreography. That said, I sometimes watch rom coms and dramas. Some of them are actually good.
Music: I like just about everything except heavy metal. You'd think that a total fucker like me would enjoy heavy metal the most, but I think heavy metal is bullshit trash. Just loud and clashy bullshit trash. Maybe if I turn down the volume, it'd be not as loud, but still clashy bullshit trash.
3. Best friends
4. Asshole remarks
5. Pussy (strange, since I never get any)
6. Good food
- Girls who like guys
- Ages 18–32
- Near me
- Who are single
- For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
If you would like to work out with me, however, I would be happy to have a workout accountability partner. And, no, I don't mean workout as in sex, but I bet you were thinking that's what I probably meant, didn't you? Perv.
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