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40 Chicago, IL Cis Man, Genderqueer, Gender Nonconforming, Non-binary, Transgender

Cis Man, Genderqueer, Gender Nonconforming, Non-binary, Transgender

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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 20-50
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Online now!
Straight, Queer
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
5' 8" (1.73m)
Body Type
Other and laughing about it
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Thanks for checking me out! I work very hard to become who I am, know what I want from friends, lovers and myself and I'm not afraid to push for it anymore. I'm here to find my loving other(s). I'm looking forward to feeling excited about someone again.

A sometimes hobo scruffy, disillusioned writer, queer, trans, a bon vivant, reporter and artist. Man about town. Peace and equality agitator. Golden rule devotee. Intellectual. I write, and write about literature, poetry, dance, art, the DIY/maker scene, and on sociocultural and topical issues of the day. I moonlight as a dance dramaturg for hire.

Update: relocating between now and the first week in December from the Lawrence / Kedzie area to Oak Park.

I have to say this, because if I don't, it's just a waste of everyone's time: I really do t want to message back and forth forever. Please, if you're up to hang out, let me know. Ideally, message me with a place to meet up? Or ask? But I'm way too busy for pen pals. I'm here for the romance, not the fantasy :)

I'm in a really incredible, liberated, stable, wise place in my life. It's an amazing feeling. I'm taking my time these days, separating the wheat from the chaff, taking care of myself and a great, small circle of devoted friends, and making the occasional new friend through here/having fun on date outings and thinking maybe, just maybe things could get serious with the right lady.

I'm in a place now where I'm eventually looking for something more serious, committed and long-term. That's my ideal, and that person will change the game for me. Until then, I'm open to new friends, lovers, people to have sex with, etc. I'm probably not interested in romance if you're only available 1 hour a month because you're dating 50 other guys at the same time, work or go to school 70 hours a week or are still in daisy-pickin' mode. That's cool, we can be friends. But that doesn't mean instant access to my inner circles, either. My close friends and I are very active in each other's lives. Relationships take time and, most importantly, trust.

On that note: I have nothing to hide. I'll do something no one else I've ever seen on here does and just go ahead and give you my Facebook profile straightaway (see below). I'm real, out here, and honest. I'm no fixer-upper, but I also live my baggage out in the light. Check me out: confident, not arrogant.

If you're morbidly selfish or insular or otherwise just incapable of empathy, please sweet Christ almighty on a rubber crutch move along. I don't care how pretty or sexy or whatever you think you are, I have no time for you.

Also also: it's sad that I have to add this provision but I have a 1-strike stand me up policy. I'm truly gobsmacked by how many ladies I've made dates with who just never show up and never say a word. Do this, and I will never talk to you again. And Chicago is a lot smaller than you might think.

Please don't get angry at me if you write and I don't get back to you right away, I'm not able to write back everyone I'm interested in getting to know.

Here's also a link to the reading series I run, for fun:

I've got roughly 10 major projects going on at any given time, and I'm very social. Recently finished my first novel, feeling great! And my first graphic novel. Also: don't smoke cigarettes now (since 11/4/14!). I write regularly for newspapers and magazines too.

Everything from here down is like 5 years out of date. So please view this as a "me" that I have long since in most ways moved on from. It has some things in it that are still relevant, though less than you'd think and more than you'd expect. I suggest you just check out my Facebook and we talk in person.

I'm a writer and art guy. I live in Lincoln Square, and it's my favorite neighborhood in the city. I work for myself.

Random thoughts:
One of my best friends is on here and we're ranked as a 28% match. So that's bullshit.
I'm shocked when people act and behave without any sense of self-awareness.
Sadly, I am probably too handsome for 99% of you. I'm sorry about this, and wish to apologize in advance. (I kid.)
I've yet to meet someone, with very few exceptions, who is liberal as I am. So, forewarned.
I drink like a fish.
I'm unusually empathic.
I enjoy standing up to bullies.
I've been told that I'm frustrating to argue with. I try to be a very good listener to counter this in myself.
I'm a writer and event organizer.
I'm a totally shameless cuddle whore.
I prefer the company of intellectuals, but not the kind who can't stop living in their heads 24/7.
I'm a lusty type, but am happiest in a relationship (just don't want a sell-your-soul-type relationship, thnx nothnx).
I make my living solely through work in the art and cultural fields.
I am still boyish in my humor and enthusiasms.
I like sleep, when I can get it.
I'm suspicious of anyone who has answered too many OKC questions because, I mean c'mon, most of them were written by people with a bad case of the stoopids.
President Obama wrote a letter of support for my first art exposition back when he was still only a State Senator.
I am somewhat hard of hearing.
WTF is a "special blend?"
I am self-involved (in a good way, promise).
I am turned on by femininity. (Whatever that means explicitly)
I'm lonely in crowds and lively with a small group of friends.
I dig kink :) but am surprisingly mild about it.
I prefer to limit how much alcohol I drink because it feels great to stay in control of my experience (lie. actually, I can drink to blackout if the party is right).
I prefer those not reductive about intelligence to sexuality or gender alone, but value these aspects of myself and others greatly.
I am obsessive, ambitious and driven.
420 friendly, natch, but am too busy usually to partake in any degree of excess.
I get lost All The Time. No sense of geographic direction whatsoever.
I always forget people's names when I first meet them.
Demagogy makes me bristle.
My practice has been written about in the New York Times.
I am an anti-clerical when it comes to religion.
I am an anti-foundationalist when it comes to philosophy.
I am good for conversations 'til the birds start singing.
My type, supposedly, is "The Girl Next Door."
I am an optimist.
I am a member of the American Humanist Association.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a reporter, writer, critic, essayist and art and cultural analyst. Poet, graphic novelist, colorist.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Writing words. Also, writing about art, understanding art, the art market, everything art-related. Also, fiction, poetry, socializing. I interviewed Kurt Vonnegut once, and think I did a fine job of it. I am a decent photographer, and enjoy drawing.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
For sure, I look much younger than I actually am. I hear it all the time. After that, it used to be my eyes. I have curly black hair. Women used to remark that they would kill to have my hair, and complain when I cut it too short (BTW, thanks you liars, you all hate long hair on men).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
If you've ever read Paul Fussell's book Class, I'd like to discuss it with you. That or Gravity's Rainbow (Yes, I've read it and spent over two years in a book group doing it--happy to discuss thermodynamics and paranoia with you anytime). A few more worthy of discussion: The Ethics of Authenticity or Rogue Trooper or Akira. (Hell, Otaku and Japanese subculture at large for that matter.)

Let's start with my wider reading background. I've been a big critical studies and philosophy reader. Everything from Habermas, Kant, Wittgenstein, a pretty in-depth read of those inside and outside the Tradition. I can also discuss with some degree of competency lit crit studies, cultural studies, pretty much the gamut of theory over the past few decades, though at this point I may come off as a little rusty. Studied with the political scientist Charles Taylor at University and lectures with Derrida and Helene Cixous (I know, that dates me). I've read and immersed myself in some of the Nobel poets, and am a huge enthusiast of Wislawa Szymborska, Cszelaw Milosz. I'm a fan of all the Dalkey Archive titles and mission, and have actually visited Dalkey as a sort of pilgramage to Mecca. Fiction-wise I'm big on contemporaries, starting with Flann O'Brien (Dalkey source author, so of course), William Burroughs, Robert Creeley, Nicholas Mosley, Kundera, Richard Powers, and of course the great Gilbert Sorrentino. I could go on, but let's shorten it up by saying I'm horizontally well read enough to wade into literary works that take their use of language as a media no different from paint or celluloid.

I also want to mention this thought, which takes some little setting-up first. To be clear: I am an adoring fan of Vonnegut, and especially appreciative of his ability to connect the artistic disciplines with his work-betweens of literary and visual forms. HOWEVER, I am concerned that people think of him canonically as their ideal of The Great American Writer, to which I am disinclined to disagree. AND yet, finding such a great author reduced to a disposable cultural-identification trope seems undignified. So, there. FYI.

Movies. I'm a huge consumer of film and cinema, and couldn't do without Kurosawa, and the entire oeuvre of Hayao Miyazaki, whose films always lift my spirit. All the usual Hollywood fare, I'm an action movie junkie when it comes to entertainment, and have done my share of film survey courses on classics like A Touch Of Evil and everything by Eisenstein, FW Murnau, Renoir, Godard, Truffaut, Tarkovsky. Fellini is my favorite from the 50/60's, and his "8 1/2" is a monument in my imagination in terms of cinematic depiction of artistic consciousness. As for the more recent: I enjoy foreign and new Indy productions, and have actually been involved in film professionally, releasing a Cronenberg short that until then was previously unavailable in the continental United States. Cronenberg, of course, is a huge influence. I have read "Down and Dirty Pictures" probably about fifteen times and keep a copy of the Biographical Dictionary of Film ready at hand at all times. Of course, I know art house well enough to get Yasujiro Ozu, and yet I have avoided, my whole life, for some yet-unrevealed reason, watching Antonioni's "Blow Up."

I should probably also mention Whit Stillman here. I had a very tight circle of friends pre-thirties life that did some serious bonding over his films. I think my favorite was probably Metropolitan, though I like them all. I'll have to add more bonding films at some point, I mean, I'm leaving out David Lynch for God's sake (Ooh early 20's and Wild At Heart, how vividly I remember thee).

I've also been watching a lot of TV lately, for better or worse4. Most recently, I've been somewhat comforted watching The First 48. Who doesn't like crime shows? That and The Borgias (Jeremy Irons is awesome), pretty much everything on Showtime, and Fringe. Fringe is delightful.

Music. I have kind of a Recovered Memory Syndrome relationship with music, with several years lived in black out studying other art forms. My recent faves have been MGMT, LCD Soundsystem and Matt and Kim, though my history sprawls. I actually am less into music than any other media, predominately because I have been involved with it more as a social activity than one of any comparatively immersive intellectual activity. Of course, I say that and think of David Bowie, Freddie Mercury. There was a time for Ted Nugent, Black Sabbath, Creem. Also, Duran Duran, Depeche Mode ("A Question of Time"--the anthem of my late teens), House, blues, Spandau Ballet. I sing a mean Karaoke version of John Denver's "Country Roads" and Willie Nelson's "Good Morning America." I've read Lester Bangs with interest, and Greil Marcus with intrigue. Randy Rhodes is a deity. So is Ronnie James Dio. I know about and appreciate the available range of Doom Metal.

UPDATE: I'm going through a kind of music rediscovery period centered on Italian and Parisian dance, and the whole electropunk genre in general, with new favorites listened to on repeat including Deadmau5, Justice, Crystal Castles, Pantyraid, Ladytron, The Xx, and galactic armadas of other great musicians. Here's a few samples, tell me these aren't bliss-inducing wonders:

Ladytron, "Tomorrow":

Crystal Castles, "Baptism":

And finally, food. I can actually cook, with a recipe book in hand. I get better all the time. I know my wine well enough, but have never made a reduction. I'm good with meats, vegetables, and once even made a consomme. I love sauces, they actually make the dish in my opinion. I think I can sum it all up by saying that I am capable of cooking up a 4-minute egg, or soft-boiled egg. I like the ritual of having to own a special eggcup upon which to stand up the egg, a special tonged spoon or egg scissors with which to tap off the shell and expose the runny yolk through the solidified whites beneath. Good food takes skill, patience and a delight in the process of preparation. But I'm just as good on any given night with a frozen pizza, for whatever that says about my culinary range.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Intellectual work
My computer
Love (I know, that's seven, but it ties it all together)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Art. Culture. Everything: see my ridiculously sprawling "Favorite books, movies, music and food" list above for an idea. Otherwise, whether I want to move or stay in Chicago. How to prioritize. Narrative structures. Pedagogy. Aberration in starlight. Sex. How people who mention the proper use of the Oxford comma in their profiles are turn offs for being such joiner losers.

How society shoehorns people into productivity, but doesn't usually extend the definition to include intellectual or creative work. How to push back against that utilitarian bigotry in our culture.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Programming my robot, tinkering with the PSI to increase strength enough so it can rip off the vault door and carry all those gold bars to our getaway starship; tunneling under the bank from the building I rented next door, which I have established as a hat store (yes, we sell bowlers and slouchy flower-picking sun hats); telling my manservant to "hurry the fuck up".

Trying to figure out a way to magically warp the reality/imagination barrier long enough to scream at Charlie Brown to not kick the fucking football. If I have enough time I'd like to throw my drink in Lucy's face, too. Dreadful little woman.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I made out with and felt up my babysitter when I was, like, nine. She was a Catholic school girl, and it was all perfectly lovely and childlike. And hot.

And that I sometimes take depression medication. If you think staying mentally healthy is a liability, don't bother writing me.

Also, I think sex on a first date is a good sign.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you're not a Republican or otherwise have problems with empathy.

You want to hang out with someone who is potential serious relationship material, and is loyal, loving, kind and honest.

You're interesting (but you don't need to prove it).
You give everything.
You're a troublemaker, but not an ego train wreck/emotional kamikaze/looking for a heart to use as a doormat.
Your profile isn't designed to induce an anxiety spike as a test of my manliness.
If you have actual convictions, but aren't rabidly self-centered.
You even vaguely resemble either Jessica Alba or Madeleine Stowe.
If you're looking for someone devoted, trustworthy and who has all their cards on the table.
If you're not into arguing. I have no time or patience for people who want to argue all the time.
If you want to rewatch Fire Walk With Me together. Such a terrible, awesome movie.
If you have great legs. I'm a total leg man.
If you have ACTUALLY READ MY PROFILE. I spent a lot of time writing all this because I'm serious about meeting and getting to know ridiculously cool, altogether decent people. You should be too.
If you're tough, like to talk things through, and are a terrible liar.
If you believe in magic. I need more magic.
If you just want to talk and get to know each other.
If you are not usurious.
If you think sex is fun and you don't mind a completely freakishly pervy guy who will reignite your salacious, joyful love of sex no matter where you are in life, but also will abandon it at the drop of a hat for the inner necessities that are the source of that selfsame joy.
You MUST have a sense of humor. Pretty please.
You know or can sense how rare in life I am.
If you're a girly-girl.
If you like beer.
If you believe in the existence of other dimensions--we should definitely talk. (see: Possible World theory, modal logic and anti-behavioralist arguments such as the Zombie argument debate).
If you've ever skinny dipped.
If relationships mean something to you.
If you're after a good life.
You're a freak too (just not the control variety, puh-lease).
You like a good party.
You can talk about your feelings and don't have to hide behind sarcasm ALL the time.
You are anti-drama. I love anti-drama people. Just not the kind who can't face the shame of their own lies. Those people are just psychos.
You have reached your limit for violence and sex.

You want a real friend. And a serious lover.

Bonus points if you're a dancer or live in Oak Park.