Like a dirty French novel, combines the absurd with the vulgar.

I find it hard to take things seriously.

Working & schooling (grudgingly), rocking & rolling, etc.

Petting cats; watching films and tv on DVD; listening to tunes; reading books; wasting away in Margaritaville.

Also, accumulating fines at the local library. I like to think of them as donations.

Griping and being polite.

And word play.

Taking standardized tests. If I could make a living doing the SAT over and over, I'd be golden.

In other words, I'm good at boring things.

That I'm gesticulating wildly while speaking. I may have punched you accidentally. My apologies.

After that I may have knocked something over or tripped over something.

I'm a bit less graceful than the average bear.

Film: This Is Spinal Tap; Reservoir Dogs; Annie Hall; Blade Runner; Dr. Strangelove; Apocalypse Now; The Royal Tennenbaums; The Big Lebowski; Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Books: Never Let Me Go; Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil; The Unbearable Lightness of Being; The Haunting of Hill House; The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy; Ice Station Zebra
Authors: H.P. Lovecraft; Dominick Dunne; David Sedaris; Truman Capote; Tana French; John Douglas; Arnaldur Indridason (and Nordic crime fiction in general)

Muzak: The Smiths; the Clash; Nick Drake; Leonard Cohen; Pavement; Television; Neutral Milk Hotel; the Velvet Underground; the Pixies; Elliott Smith; the Replacements; Neil Young

TeeVee: Law and Order; Arrested Development; Twin Peaks; Lost; Seinfeld; The Wire

Food: Basil; tomato; mozzarella (or any combination thereof)

My three-legged cat, Stanley
All my books. All of them.
A boom box and my cds (I suppose that makes me a luddite)
Diet soda
A watch
World peace

How I would hold up under torture if I actually knew any secrets.

Why this, why that, why the other thing.

At the local pub. Napping. Usually not at the same time, but it's been known to happen.

I'm a really poor swimmer.

So long as you don't enjoy Ayn Rand, it's fine.