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herscheling

33 M Chicago, IL

My Details

Last Online
Oct 1, 2013
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 3″ (1.60m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly vegetarian
Smokes
No
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Never
Religion
Christianity
Sign
Leo
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Other
Income
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes cats
Speaks
English

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My self-summary
Well, okay. Hello.

I’m pretty detail-obsessed and recoil a little from the big picture (to me it’s like an imaginary monster hiding under the bed). But I will do my best impersonation of a summary.

Some things about me:

(Sheesh. This is hard.)

I’m trans (FtM / genderqueer-identified), and would identify my sexuality as queer (more specifically: gender and biological sex do not appear to be a part of what defines the totally incomprehensible confines of my ‘type’).

I have a partner. We don’t live together (and I’m definitely open to and invested in the possibility of some day finding another partner who I can live with), but they’re incredibly important to me. We are family to each other, and it would be important that whoever else I’m with is open to the possibility of being family with them too. They helped me make this profile, and it’s likely that you would meet them or communicate with them somewhat early in the process of meeting me. Feel free to ask follow-up questions if you want to get to know me and want to know more about how I do polyamory, but that’s all that I think I want to say in this general space.

I’d say I’m semi-clergy-identified (in the Christian tradition), and I consider my work to be pastoral. However, I’m not currently ordained and am not sure if I will ever be, and the work I do isn’t explicitly religious or spiritual. (I work at a shelter for young people, which seems a lot like a church to me in that it is based in long-term community building, is a space of deep and eschatological hope, is about safety for people’s bodies and spirits, and has room for and works to make meaning of the mess and struggle of being a person. Being a person: sometimes glorious, often so fucking hard!)

(I like parentheses. People are always trying to advise me to take them out, and I just can’t.)

I can take myself (and other people) incredibly seriously or not seriously at all. I like honesty and personal mess and vulnerability, and I like the times when life feels doable (and even easy) after the ones that are just hard. I like genderqueerness a whole lot. I like when people are totally comfortable with each other (I love hanging out with coupled friends) but I also find lots of kinds of awkwardness incredibly endearing (e.g.: the guys on The Big Bang Theory, flustered worship leaders, people meeting their idols, etc).

I love friendships but don't entirely love newness (familiarity is one of my favorite things), and so I prefer having close friends to making new ones (although I'm old enough to have had it really sink in that the work of making new friends is worth it). I really appreciate connecting to people across various kinds of difference, and cultivating alternative family.

Some of my favorite things about myself (and about the people I love) are the things which seem like strange combinations -- the things which are loved in tension or which are loved completely and wholly, despite possibly seeming to contradict each other.

I am noise-sensitive -- I'm not all that good with loud noise and not good at parties. I bike everywhere, and have studded snow tires for my bike. I can be incredibly annoyed when I'm bored, or when I feel trapped in a social or educational situation I don't want to be in (although I’m kind and softspoken, and probably no one would know it from looking at me). I definitely need some alone-time to feel like myself, but also spend a lot of time connecting to people one-on-one and crave a sense of wider community in which I belong. I have lately been more comfortable with new things and with the appeal of “adventure” (I even went skydiving recently! Although I a little bit felt like throwing up during the parachute part).

I also love to write and do art projects – alone or with other people.
I’m really good at
Connecting to and making family with individual people and communities (including with the people on my TV shows). Processing thoughts and feelings. Not taking things personally (although I certainly still struggle with that). Biking in almost all weather. Writing and talking. Creating or attending marathons of TV shows (and introducing people to shows they will like). Keeping on trying when things are complicated or hard. Going on adventures. Being safe for people in an emotional crisis / making space for people’s feelings. Fixing computer glitches and finding solutions to things I know nothing about on google.
The first things people usually notice about me
I actually have no idea. I'm short? Sometimes I'm very animated, sometimes I'm quiet. Sometimes I tell a lot of funny/embarrassing stories in a row, and sometimes I’m very serious. Sometimes I speak with a lot of authority and sometimes I'm hesitant, and sometimes I'm completely ridiculous. It probably depends on the day. People do tell me that I come across as genuine, and that I’m fairly quiet in big groups. Probably also that I’m careful and sensitive and steady. Maybe some of the things that are most interesting about me take some time to notice, because I’m somewhat introverted and unassuming.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Some of the music I am listening to (or have listened to):

Girlyman, Kimya Dawson, The Proclaimers, The Weepies, Tracy Chapman, Lady Gaga, The Indigo Girls, Fountains of Wayne, Ladysmith Black Mambazo, They Might Be Giants, Ani Difranco, The Magnetic Fields, Mozart, Blind Pilot, Coyote Grace, Deb Talan, Ellis, Ingrid Michaelson, Nicki Minaj, Joni Mitchell, Adam Lambert, Novice Theory, Regina Spektor, Simon and Garfunkel, Sweet Honey In the Rock. (I also love certain operas, especially The Magic Flute and Julius Caesar),

Some of my favorite TV shows are (or have been): The Big Bang Theory, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Wire, Friday Night Lights, Gilmore Girls, So You Think You Can Dance, Corner Gas, Veronica Mars, Big Love, Hollyoaks, Ugly Betty, Murphy Brown, The X-Files, Project Runway, Once and Again, My So-Called Life, South Park, Friends, RuPaul's Drag Race, The Vicar of Dibley, Nurse Jackie.

Some of my favorite people who write books are: Margaret Atwood, Nick Hornby, Alison Bechdel, Kate Bornstein. (And there was a period where I read Harry Potter a lot of times...)

Food:
I'm a vegetarian with a complicated relationship to cheese. (Feel free to inquire further for more details, if you’re interested.) I love doing dishes, especially other people’s. I can cook a few things, and have had periods of cooking lots of vegetables regularly, but I’ve also been known to live on power bars and eggs and cereal and toast for months at a time.

Movies:
Lars and the Real Girl, Secretary, The Sweet Hereafter, Election, Flight of the Navigator, Legally Blonde (1 and 2), Me and You and Everyone We Know, The Magic Flute, I Love You, Man, Wall-E, Maedchen in Uniform, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.
The six things I could never do without
Let’s say…would rather not do without:

Community
Friendships
A bicycle
Music and Television
Relationship with God (it shifts in form and content, but there is always the relationship)
Meaningful work (whether paid or unpaid)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Different ways that people think about things and express themselves.
How to design a shelter so that it feels safe for everyone in it (staff, guests, etc) and is a place where people get their basic needs met and which supports people in reaching for their goals and which has a sense of home and family and which runs at least somewhat efficiently. And how to be a better supervisor.
Hierarchy and power and the structure of things (a more big-picture type of thinking that I struggle with but also do a bunch of)
My friends and the details of their lives.
Polyamory.
Things I would like to change (how the subway system works, immigration policy, how gender functions, how race functions, the temperature, local and global distribution of wealth, television shows that get canceled too soon. etc.)
How i could have said something differently or handled a situation better.
Faith (and sometimes theology).
On a typical Friday night I am
Reading or writing with friends who are studying
Hanging out with friends (and potentially their kids/pets) and talking
At work
Going to a musical event
Watching TV alone or with other people
In the past, I’ve often been at the gym on Friday nights
I’m looking for
  • Guys and girls who like bi guys
  • Ages 26–60
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You're up for polyamory (for the work and wonder and logistics, etc.).
What else?
Uh…you’re somewhat demanding and precise or your interests are varied and conflicting or you're deeply kind. (But really: who knows? I am absolutely terrible at guessing who I’ll have good chemistry with based on their personality or what they look like or on anything which would appear to help determine potential good matches over the internet. Does this make me equally terrible at internet dating? Quite possibly. But lately I’m in the habit of trying lots of things I’m not quite good at yet. I figure it’s a worthwhile spiritual practice, at the very least ;).)