I expect my eminent future to go a little like this:

I will work at WalMart scrubbing shitters and purposely misdirecting customers who are the essence of "insulting" and "barbaric" while dwelling in a greasy little apartment with 36 mean and mangy cats and a daily fifth of the cheapest and most atrocious hard liquor to keep me company...and I will continue to write run-on sentences.

About my current self:

1. There is some part of me that feels completely at ease when walking on the floor of a forest. I love nature.

2. I am not one of those people who is constantly speaking. I enjoy silence, solitude, and serenity on occasion.

3. I like adventure.

4. I am shy, believe it or not. There are common misconceptions about me based on this, such as 1) I am snotty and arrogant, 2) I am boring and have nothing interesting to say (or else I would say it), 3) I am constantly judging everyone around me, 4) I am a complete doofus, 5) I am uptight and always offended by something, and 6) I am callous, calculating, and sneaky. These are far from the truth (#4 is debatable).

5. I have my own opinions and you have yours. That is nice.

6. I believe that people should be allowed to do as they please as long as no one is harmed in the process.

7. I am eccentric and would like to (but have no expectations) find someone similarly strange.

This wasn't meant to be so long and uninteresting....

Finding things to keep me occupied until my heart no longer beats and my breath ceases to expel from my mouth (apparently I’m one of them mouth-breathers).

Being awkward, avoiding, making lists, writing, sewing, observing, high-fiving, listening, lying among the trees, acting a fool, napping, eating, hiking, camping, fishing, corny joke-telling

I have buck teeth, a greasy sheen to my skin, crossed eyes, and a stream of drool is constantly cascading down the left side of my face.

Authors:

Hemingway, Kurt Vonnegut, Neil Gaiman, Richard Brautigan, George Orwell, A.L Attunes, Thoreau, Clive Barker, Arthur C. Clarke, Joseph Heller, Ray Bradbury, Phillip K. Dick, Nabokov, H.G Wells, H.P Lovecraft, Richard Adams, Robert Heinlein, Franz Kafka, Mark Z. Danielewski, Jack London, William Faulkner, Lewis Carol

Music:

Regina Spektor, Cat Power, Modest Mouse, Minutemen, Meat Puppets, Pink Floyd, Rolling Stones, Beatles, The Doors, The Who, Led Zeppelin, Joy Division, Grateful Dead, Rush, Bob Dylan, Jethro Tull, The Breeders, Pixies, Black Flag, Crass, Dead Milkmen, Feist, The Clash, The Germs, Husker Du, Radiohead, R.E.M, The White Stripes, The Strokes, Spoon, Muddy Waters, Skip James, WEird Al, The Kinks, Jonny Greenwood, The Slits, X-Ray Spex, Nirvana

Television:

Lucky Louie, Arrested Development, Louie, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Home Movies, Monty Python's Flying Circus, Tim and Eric Awesome Show: Great Job, Seinfield, Food Party, The Office, Adventure Time, Community, Flight of the Concords, Mad Men

Books
Music
Friends
Imagination
Adventure
Foxy ladies

Someone told me once that I "think too much." I decided this was a careless thing for them to say, wondered if it is better to not think enough than it is to "think too much," then decided that maybe I was thinking about it a little too much.

Either picking scabs and braiding my dog's hair or watching the neighbors through their windows with binoculars in hand and a toothy grin pasted to my face.

The most private thing I am willing to admit to a group of unknown, faceless strangers: I have a prisoner pen pal. He is intelligent, eloquent, kind, and in prison for life for murdering his wife.

Message me if you get some inexplicable joy in:

Lying among the trees

Or in having genuine and meaningful conversations with others