heyimatoaster
28 Philadelphia, PA
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
heyimatoaster
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
First things first. I woke up today. Secondly my name is Sasha. I was born in Russia and lived in a town called Chelyabinsk until I was 4. The town is riveting, much like the town of Bratislava from Eurotrip. Chelyabinsk is renowned solely for its utter lack of things to be renowned for. Just to give you an idea of how boring it is the flag of Chelyabinsk is a camel standing next to a cinderblock wall. Google it!

I try to make up for my boring birthplace by living as adventitiously as possible. Sometimes a simple adventure is in order like trying a new restaurant, going to a bar I’ve never been to, or hiking an unexplored corner of somewhere, USA. Sometimes life calls for something extraordinary like booking a plane ticket for a long weekend just to go exploring, or taking a road trip from the east coast to Napa Valley, or living in Tokyo for 6 months.

Adventuring is fun it isn’t as easy as it used to be in my old age. So I also appreciate the relaxing activities life has to offer such hanging out for an evening and watching as much Netflix as time will allow, going to a quiet bar with friends and making each other laugh hysterically, theater hopping with booze, or going for a drive.
What I’m doing with my life
Currently I am a part-time lion tamer, full-time badass...at least I was in my dream last night... in truth I am an accountant and small business owner. I very recently finished the final test of the CPA and I realized that I am on the fast track to becoming Lester Burnham. Not good. Like Lester I've decided to have a midlife (or quarter-life in my case) crisis. After 7 years of living in a cubical. I decided that the 9-5 grind is not how I want to spend my life. So I left it behind, and decided to use my experience to a startup a nontraditional firm in the Fishtown area.
I’m really good at
First things first, I’m really good at waking up. Also sarcasm, consuming exorbitant amounts of ice-cream, making people laugh, listening, talking, sleeping, breathing, reading, driving, watching movies, fixing things that aren’t broken, fixing things that are broken, being a fool, sneezing loudly, arguing, laughing at inappropriate times, movie references, making playlists, faking Russian accents, hugs, patience, impulsiveness, drinking, admitting when I’m wrong, boasting when I’m right, dancing like everyone’s watching.
The first things people usually notice about me
My witty sense of humor, of course.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books – Sci-fi is my favorite genre. My favorite authors are Robert Heinlein, Michael Crichton, Phil K Dick, and Author C Clark. Recently I started reading the Jack Reacher series, although not sci-fi I still CANNOT put it down. Sometimes I open a bottle of wine, take off my pants, and read the IRC updates. You can never read updates of the Internal Revenue Code with pants on, rule of acquisition number 195.

Movies – My taste in movies is broad. I watch a lot of bad movies. I don’t think my friends have ever forgiven me for making them watch Jack Frost 2 or Vampire’s Kiss. I'm usually not the one picking out the movies on a Sunday afternoon.. but I like good movies too, I swear. Anything dark, sci-fi, action, or Jackie Chan, is a movie I can get behind. I can even get behind some classic movies. To give you an idea some of my favorites in no particular order are - The Rear Window, Police Story, The Fifth Element, Garden State, Desperado, Ferris Buller's Day Off, North by Northwest, Top Gun, Naked Gun, and 21 Jump Street.

Music – itunes tells me that I have 83.25GB of music that’s 27.5 days. 27.5 days of music is too much to go into detail here so I’ll just say if you put it on I’ll listen and try to like it.

Food – Dessert. Yes, all the dessert!
The six things I could never do without
1.Hands
2.Family & Friends
3.Dr. Pepper
4.Random adventures
5.Pointless car rides
6.Dark chocolate
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I spend most of my time thinking about sitting on the beach of a tropical island, drinking rum out of a coconuts while being fanned by large palm leaves. Sometimes I even think about the deep questions in life, did Han shoot first? Am I a Cylon? What is Soylent Green? Who killed Laura Palmer? Who’s the better captain? The number 42. Can Ryan really love Taylor as much as he loved Marissa? Is my metachlorian count high? Is the Smoking Man really Mulder’s father? Why don't sudo commands work on people? Do I have to pay the troll toll?
On a typical Friday night I am
Looking for trouble.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I can eat an entire box of Oreos in one sitting, Double Stuff Oreos.
I know I’m a bad ass lion tamer, but I like hugs. Shhh don’t tell the lions, they can smell weakness.
You should message me if
* You don’t take yourself seriously and can unashamedly laugh at everything. There are times to be serious, however most of the time I prefer to joke around. I've been told I have a very dry, and sometimes even wet sense of humor. If you can’t laugh at yourself, all the crazy stuff in the world, and don’t get/like sarcasm then I will be the only one laughing on our date.

* You are confident. I am comfortable with myself, both physically and mentally. I would like the same level of confidence in person who I plan on spending time with.

* You aren't looking for a pen pal. Pen pals can be fun. Not so much on a dating site. If you prefer to exchange page long essays rather than meet in person to see if we get along, then please do not waste my time.

* You don’t take your religion seriously. Religion is part of my life only to the extent of going to my parents' house and eating a lot of food on Jewish holidays. If you are serious about praying to your deity I am not the guy you should be spending your time with. Maybe I can make an exception for anyone belonging to the Church of The FSM.

*You are a decisive Netflixer.
More