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holycrackers

27 M Brooklyn, NY

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Fit
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Judaism, and laughing about it
Sign
Capricorn, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from law school
Job
Law
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Sign Language (Okay), Hebrew (Poorly), Yiddish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
I'd describe myself as a cross between outdoorsy, cultured, and adventurous. I love biking and hiking (and rhymes, apparently), craft beer, single-origin coffee, and all things related to food. I will try anything...more than once. Currently pickling beets, baking kale chips, and messing with shakshuka.

I've hosted some pretty out of control potluck brunches. Dinners, too, but brunch is so much fun.

Personality is ENTJ, if you're into that sort of thing (I am). Politically, I'm liberal, but not pushy...far more concerned with people being well-informed than having the same views as me.

Random things...I'm an NPR fanatic, can't stand people who are passive-aggressive, and my sarcasm borders on offensive (occasionally). Also: when I was a baby, my parents threw chicken curry in a food processor and fed it to me. Besides automatically giving them the title of "coolest parents ever", it started my horribly wonderful journey down the road to foodie-dom.

I don't believe in pickup lines, but if I did, this would be the only one I'd ever use:

"HAYYY GURL ARE YOU A BEAVER?
CUZ DAM!" **
What I’m doing with my life
Following the Ms. Frizzle mantra: "Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!"

Taco quest. Ask.

But realistically, my job is pretty boring, and I probably won't talk about it much because I don't want it to define who I am. You should really ask me about my time working with inmates. Much more entertaining.
I’m really good at
Cooking all the things.

Averting awkward situations.

Finding dumpy ethnic restaurants that serve incredible food.
The first things people usually notice about me
Besides my sparkling personality and rugged good looks? Probably my sarcasm.

Also: "Whoa dude, you're like, really serious about your coffee, huh?" Yes.

When I want to prove facts, I'll typically start off by saying, "Well, according to Internet..." followed by a massive, massive lie.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Reads: A Confederacy of Dunces, The Giving Tree, Hershel and the Hanukkah Goblins, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, The Good Earth, Jerusalem (Ottolenghi), New Yorker, Bon Appetit

Shows: Jeopardy!, Downton Abbey, Doctor Who (don't hate), Iron Chef (originals), West Wing, The Wire, Treme, Curb, Louie, Seinfeld, Arrested Development, Breaking Bad, Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!, Radiolab, Fresh Air, Car Talk

Movies: Big Lebowski. Annie Hall. Bananas. Hook. Mostly, anything directed by the Coen brothers or having a combination of Woody Allen and Diane Keaton.

Music: I'm a not-so-in the closet Deadhead (less the drugs). Others: Dylan, Cat Stevens, Warren Zevon, CCR, The Band, Neil Young, Trombone Shorty, Lady Gaga, Talking Heads. Oh, and The Beets.

Food: Indian, without question. Others: Ethiopian, Mexican, Thai. Dark Chocolate. Sushi (I always throw in tomago). Also, anything painfully spicy. I never learn.
The six things I could never do without
People didn't get my previous joke. So, 6 things:

1. internets
2. hario V60
3. well-worn cast iron skillet
4. wooden spoons
5. stand mixer
6. food processor

I <3 cooking.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
All this mishegas.

What my first CSA box is going to contain. I think about this constantly.

How to get Carl Kasell's voice on my answering
machine (and yeah, I'm pretty upset he's retiring).
On a typical Friday night I am
I don't know, although last Friday my roommates and I had a random, impromptu oil and vinegar tasting right after I pulled a fresh loaf of bread out of the oven. Noms.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Anyone who finds Kesha's music entertaining/fun to listen to should be ashamed of themselves. I know I am.

I will probably determine our dating compatibility based on your affinity for cilantro.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 24–31
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Of note:

1) Jewish culturally, but not remotely religious. I'd die without pork belly and shellfish.

2) Messages of substance, please! The hey/hi/how r u thing isn't too attractive.

ANYWAYS:

You've ever received a text with the word "annoying" and your mind read it as "Annyong". Annyong!

You think your beer knowledge can rival mine. Disclaimer: It can't.

Weird one: You're sort of aggressive and know what you want. That goes a long way with me. Seriously.

Otherwise: you're a progressive, sarcastic, NPR-loving foodie with an affinity for words, theater, hiking, biking, or just aimlessly walking around at all hours of the day, we'll probably get along quite well.

Also: Will happily trade bread-baking tips/lessons for a course on baking macarons. They're my greatest food failure. :(

** I did not come up with this pickup line (but I wish I did).