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hweldon

34 Ridgewood, NY Man

Man

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 6:19pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Black
Height
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Anything
Smokes
When drinking
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Income
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
(Work in Progress. Yes it's long, you lazy fuck)

I'm currently in an open relationship and being lazy about the open part. I'm usually pretty busy with work, art, writing, socializing, binge watching all the amazing TV shows that popped up in the past two years and keeping a very awesome lady happy. If the open relationship deal scares you off, no worries. Pretty much half the open relations on OKCupid remind me of Will Ferrell and Rachel Dratch in a hot tub, talking about sexual conquests with the oil of spiced lamb shanks glistening off their body. Which is all good, but I'm not looking to throw the long lovely all about like a dog's chew toy. I'm both content, and open, thus lazy about dating. But if any intelligent, genuine misfit with a mind of her own wants a date or more I might be down with that. My only point is I currently have no agenda other than chatting with or meeting new people. -Maybe experience something I've never done before.

I'd probably say I'm poly - though typing that word makes my insides hurt. There seems to be a "Girl who lives in Brooklyn" template that's passed around these days - possibly offered by OKCupid for 2.99/month. I get and appreciate awesome things like "going on adventures", "tattoos", "kink", "beards", "Battlestar Gallactica" and "feminism" (Who hates racism? I hate racism!), but it's like a goddamn assembly line in here. Seriously... there are musical instruments out there othet than the fucking ukulele - N.T.A.T.I.W.W.T.

I consider myself an independent thinker and in my youth I was a perpetual contrarian, but I do get why everyone here seems so similar. I moved from Baltimore to New York for a reason - other than free art school (R.I.P. Cooper Union). There's the culture and art and yes, being around similar-minded folks. Hell, we are probably reading each others profile because we "Match." So If you are the genuine article - and not some prom queen who threw on some off-the-wall tattoos and non-prescription glasses, then binged watch Dr. Who to fit in - and you happen to like many of the things that people around you do, saying so is fine, but for the love of Christ on Cracker throw a wild card in there. Maybe you really like raising armadillos, collecting patterned socks, trolling trolls, custom painting old-timey wheel barrels, building replicas of the flux capacitor out of jelly beans or some shit, any shit, old shit, new shit, red shit, blue shit. Just stop being so fucking boring.

As for me, my childhood best reflects what I've become. I was shy kid drawing with red and black ink, depicting ninjas, jet planes and giants animals fucking up all types of shit up. After that I never stopped creating http://herbertweldon.30art.com. The nerd in me - a real one, and it was not considered cool at all - got into a lot of fights in middle school with older kids who thought they would make a punching bag out the Black version of Slenderman (if Slenderman wore Cosby sweaters and Payless shoes). But, considering the fact I had a younger brother that was larger than me, sparing gloves, and little supervision, I did OK for myself. Later on I bulked up, played 4 years of high school basketball. Even though no one messed with me anymore, I still kept to myself, making giant paintings that questioned race, war and social hierarchies.

I'm a lot more social now (maybe too social), but I was a walking contradiction then and a walking contradiction now. Artist/Jock/Nerd/Rebel. You can catch me one day in a three piece suit and another in a jump suit covered with paint ( and often a mix of the two). I randomly spit out the lyrics to "Liquid Swords," "Closer," the Duck Tales theme song, and even "Maria" from West Side Story... which is mostly Maria a shit-load of times.

My Keirsey temperament is some where between "Inventor" and "Architect". This is because I'm extroverted in one way (being easy to talk to, while standing out in a crowd, and making an absurd amount of social connections), while also being introverted (keeping around a small and select group of people that I genuinely I call friends, while seeking out me time and walks to nowhere when ever I can). I'm also "intuitive", "thinking" and "Perceiving," if I'm going to be all fucking pumpkin spice about things.

Oh, I also curse a lot, say uncomfortable things around my friends, yet somehow still capable of getting along with everyone. I'm not kidding. I dare you to not like me. I double-dog dare you, motherfucker. But there is fine line between being fun or generous, and telling everyone how goddamn great everything is. No one likes a kiss ass. It's dishonest and I hate dishonesty - where ever it comes from.

I can be a smart ass, but never an asshole, unless I'm around a asshole and all bets are off. I can be a social chameleon sometimes and give the respect I'm given,but despite being easy going I will (from time to time) find joy in embarrassing holier than thou snots, bullies, and insecure dicks. People who spitefully act out at the expense of others really get under my skin (for obvious reasons).

I like dancing, great stories, drinks with good friends, food full of flavor, playing the dozens, side-spitting conversations about nothing and everything, and going on advent- um.... doing new stuff?

Also My OKC-name sucks because I don't want to spend the money to change it. Hell, I still don't know why I'm on this site.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am an artist who works for a corporate law firm. Odd, I know. Bills must be paid and canvases bought, but I do make sure that I have the time and energy to paint, party and write a novel that is kicking my ass.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Random TV and Movie knowledge, as well as old school theme songs. Cursing... I'm actually holding back.

Understanding human nature and predicting the actions of people once I know them (even just slightly). Well, predicting most things actually, especially relating to politics (and yet I'm too cheap to gamble).

I'm good at not burning bridges, cooking things involving meat - melt off the bone meat - and chili that has never seen a tomato. Eventually I'll have to learn how to make a decent side or two.

I seem to be great at getting friends out of trouble - usually by explaining to the cops, or the bartender, or judge, or the gang of musclehead Bikers why my genius level friends are morons. Stupid-assed smart motherfuckers.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My award winning smile and hearty laugh. My voice also carries like the dickens. You can hear me in the back of a crowded bar while you are smoking a cigarette outside. It is probably why I don't say things behind peoples back. I'm literally fucking incapable.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I'm not the kind of guy to stick to genres when it comes to a lot of things (I partially blame ADD). Also if you are hoping my list is full of obscure, highbrow, underground shit that no one knows about you will be disappointed. I've seen, read and heard a lot of things, but my favorites tend to be pretty mainstream (I blame being raised in Baltimore).

TV: The Wire, Archer, Breaking Bad, Fargo, The Simpsons, The Walking Dead, Oz, Cheers, Broad City, Adventure Time, Legit, Portlandia, The Americans, Game of Thrones, House of Cards, Bob's Burger, Dexter, and most of Lost before they made me want to shoot myself for wasting so many hours of my life.

Books and Graphic Novels: The Road, From Hell, World War Z, L.O.T.R., Lolita, Colossus of New York, Snow Crash, A Clockwork Orange, Things Fall Apart, Fight Club, The Passage, House of Leaves, No Country for Old Men, The Sandman Series, Metamorphosis, American Gods and, I'm embarrassed to say, I did enjoy reading the Hunger Games ... yeah, well, go fuck yourself.

Movies: Unforgiven, Big Trouble in little China, Boyhood, Only Lovers Left Alive, Akira, Blade Runner, Sling Blade, Black Dynamite, The Godfather II, Brokeback Mountain, Let the Right One In, Showgirls (the best comedy ever if not Troll 2), A Streetcar Named Desire, Alien and Aliens, Idiocracy, LOTR: Two Towers, Taxi Driver, The Lost Boys, Children of Men, City of God, and anything Monty Python or Kubrick or P. T. Anderson.

Music: Prince, MF Doom, Eric B. & Rakim, Johnny Cash, NIN, Wu-Tang Clan... Ah fuck it. I quit. Never was a name dropper when it came to music, which is thing now I guess. When shit is good shit it is fucking good, unless it is popular Country music... sorry, cowgirls.

Food: Bacon and every single manner of delicacy - as long as it doesn't have peas, okra or squash in it. I will pick that shit out like a snotty, little Kindergartner.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
BODEGAS.
Movies.
Bacon.
Metro Card
Bodegas
My friends
Woodford Reserve
and Bodegas
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
My various time-consuming art projects.
The idea of one day spending a year in a cabin in the woods with a big ol' hairy dog.
Food and politics and some joke to one up my friends.
How awful OKCupid must be for the women, because while I'm complain about boring profiles, you have to deal with the worst wastes of sperm and egg ever to merge.
Oh and sex - because I'm a man and also (if I haven't said this before) very, cripplingly honest.
Recently, though hardly "a lot," I wondered what sex would be like with my 99% OKCupid Enemy. It would either be that kind of extremely intense but gratifying "hate sex" or an experience sadder than my cat dying (I really love that asshole).
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Where the wind and whiskey takes me.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Not big into to musicals, but I love both "Little Shop of Horrors" and "West Side Story". Knock it if you want, but WSS is a great way to learn self defense.

Oh yeah, Me and a friend of mine kinda started a small riot in the east village by mistake.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
...If you are reasonably near me (the five boroughs or a few stops into Jersey). I do not drive and have no plans to drive. I'm also a very busy man... even if half that "busy" involves no money in my pocket and leads to whiskey.

Growing up watching TV and movies is a plus, but not necessary. This is less for me than for you. I grew up on TV and I turned out TV.... TV! Seriously I'm not that picky about this one. You do not have to know what Jack Burton "says at a time like this," or know who Robert Breer is, or know what percentage of battle is made up of "knowing" to be my friend or lover... but if you know ANY of those answers with out Google we'll get along handsomely.

Message me if you are open-minded but not a psycho,
if you are playful yet responsible when it counts,
if you are arty or into some kind of art but are not some pretentious fuck merely looking for a pissing contest,
if you politically aware but not a douchecanoe about it,
if you are intense about something in your life but not uptight when it come to life,
if you prefer evolving ideas over stagnant dogma,
if you are willing to learn something new and teach me something new,
if your answer on OKC states that you have no preference in race but it wasn't merely a ploy to not seem racist (I actually laughed when I typed that),
if you are independent thinker and not simply a contrarian,
if you can find at least one way you stand out from both the norm and your friends,
and if you are an honest person looking to have a good time and a hard laugh.