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hweldon

35 Ridgewood, NY Man

Man

You might like

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
May 20
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Black
Height
6′ 3″ (1.91m)
Body type
Average
Diet
Anything
Smokes
When drinking
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Income
Status
Open relationship
Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm currently in an open relationship with an awesome lady, so I'm being stupid lazy about the open part of it. I'm usually pretty busy with art and work. When I'm not, sometimes I'm browsing this den of tom-fuckery that is OKCupid. I don't have much of an agenda - other than chatting with or meeting new people. Maybe experience somethings I've never done before.

I'd probably say I'm poly - though typing that word makes my insides hurt. Not that I have any problem with it at all, it just garners the same cringe worthy reaction I get while explaining that I'm an artist/writer who happens to live on the border of Ridgewood and Bushwick. Eventually people are shocked to see my work, and that I know what the hell I'm doing, then reply, "Oh, I know you said you were an artist, but I didn't know you met like an 'artist-artist," As if stating either one people half expect I that I have a gluten allergy, play the ukelele, and collect old cameras at flea markets. Not that any thing is wrong with any of that shit, I'm deem myself a feminist and loved bacon 'before it was popular', but fucking spread it out a bit. It's like there is a "Hipster Clone Girl who lives in Brooklyn" template that's passed around these days - possibly offered by OKCupid for 2.99/month.

I try to think of myself as an independent thinker. Which is unfairly easy thing for me to do, given the easy transition from the obnoxious art-snob contrarian of my youth. Fun times... fun times. But I always had a natural tendency to be walking contradiction. I'm a talkative introvert whose both an Artist and Jock, a Nerd and a Rebel. You can catch one day in a three piece suit or a jump suit covered with paint (often a mix of the two). I can randomly spit out the lyrics to "Liquid Swords," "Closer," the "Duck Tales" theme song, and even "Maria" from West Side Story... which is mostly Maria a shit-load of times. I'm often the life of the party, while giving the bare minimum of fucks, yet still likes needs his alone time. Because of this my Keirsey temperament has been all over the place - "Inventor," "Mastermind" and "Architect". Seems a bit pumpkin spice to let tests define me, and I get angry at over simplified questions. You hear me OKCupid? Get your shit together!

Oh, and I curse a shit ton and say uncomfortable truths, yet some how I get along with everyone. I dare you to not like me. I double-dog dare you, motherfucker. But there really is fine line between being fun or generous, and telling everyone how goddamn great everything is. No one likes a kiss ass. It's dishonest and I hate dishonesty - where ever it comes from.

Despite this self summary, which I hope dissuades any card card carrying member of whatever cone army you serve... I'm actually a fun easy going guy. I love dancing my ass off (alone if necessary), listening to and telling great stories, side-spitting conversations about nothing and everything, drinks with good friends and interesting strangers, while eating food full of flavor and traveling any chance I get.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am an artist who works for a corporate law firm. Odd, I know. Bills must be paid and canvases bought, but I do make sure that I have the time and energy to paint, party and write a novel that is kicking my ass.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Random TV and Movie knowledge, as well as old school theme songs. Cursing... I'm actually holding back.

Understanding human nature and predicting the actions of people once I know them (even just slightly). Well, predicting most things actually, especially relating to politics (and yet I'm too cheap to gamble).

I'm good at not burning bridges, cooking things involving meat - melt off the bone meat - and chili that has never seen a tomato. Eventually I'll have to learn how to make a decent side or two.

I seem to be great at getting friends out of trouble - usually by explaining to the cops, or the bartender, or judge, or the gang of musclehead Bikers why my genius level friends are morons. Stupid-assed smart motherfuckers.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My award winning smile and hearty laugh. My voice also carries like the dickens. You can hear me in the back of a crowded bar while you are smoking a cigarette outside. It is probably why I don't say things behind peoples back. I'm literally fucking incapable.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I'm not the kind of guy to stick to genres when it comes to a lot of things (I partially blame ADD). Also if you are hoping my list is full of obscure, highbrow, underground shit that no one knows about you will be disappointed. I've seen, read and heard a lot of things, but my favorites tend to be pretty mainstream (I blame being raised in Baltimore).

TV: The Wire, Archer, Breaking Bad, Fargo, The Simpsons, The Walking Dead, Oz, Cheers, Broad City, Adventure Time, Legit, Portlandia, The Americans, Game of Thrones, House of Cards, Bob's Burger, Dexter, and most of Lost before they made me want to shoot myself for wasting so many hours of my life.

Books and Graphic Novels: The Road, From Hell, World War Z, L.O.T.R., Lolita, Gone Girl, Colossus of New York, Snow Crash, A Clockwork Orange, Things Fall Apart, Fight Club, The Passage, House of Leaves, No Country for Old Men, The Sandman Series, Metamorphosis, American Gods and, I'm embarrassed to say, I did enjoy reading the Hunger Games ... yeah, well, go fuck yourself.

Movies: Unforgiven, Big Trouble in little China, Boyhood, Only Lovers Left Alive, Akira, Blade Runner, Sling Blade, Black Dynamite, The Godfather II, Brokeback Mountain, Let the Right One In, Showgirls (the best comedy ever if not Troll 2), A Streetcar Named Desire, Alien and Aliens, Idiocracy, LOTR: Two Towers, Taxi Driver, The Lost Boys, Children of Men, City of God, and anything Monty Python or Kubrick or P. T. Anderson.

Music: Prince, MF Doom, Eric B. & Rakim, Johnny Cash, NIN, Wu-Tang Clan... Ah fuck it. I quit. Never was a name dropper when it came to music, which is thing now I guess. When shit is good shit it is fucking good, unless it is popular Country music... sorry, cowgirls.

Food: Bacon and every single manner of delicacy - as long as it doesn't have peas, okra or squash in it. I will pick that shit out like a snotty, little Kindergartner.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
BODEGAS.
Movies.
Bacon.
Metro Card
Bodegas
My friends
Woodford Reserve
and Bodegas
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
My various time-consuming art projects.
The idea of one day spending a year in a cabin in the woods with a big ol' hairy dog.
Food and politics and some joke to one up my friends.
How awful OKCupid must be for the women, because while I'm complain about boring profiles, you have to deal with the worst wastes of sperm and egg ever to merge.
Oh and sex - because I'm a man and also (if I haven't said this before) very, cripplingly honest.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Where the wind and whiskey takes me.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Not big into to musicals, but I love both "Little Shop of Horrors" and "West Side Story". Knock it if you want, but WSS is a great way to learn self defense.

Oh yeah, Me and a friend of mine kinda started a small riot in the east village by mistake.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Growing up watching TV and movies is a plus, but not necessary. This is less for me than for you. I grew up on TV and I turned out TV.... TV! Seriously I'm not that picky about this one. You do not have to know what Jack Burton "says at a time like this," or know who Robert Breer is, or know what percentage of battle is made up of "knowing" to be my friend or lover... but if you know ANY of those answers with out Google we'll get along handsomely.

Message me if you are open-minded but not a psycho,
if you are playful yet responsible when it counts,
if you are arty or into some kind of art but are not some pretentious fuck merely looking for a pissing contest,
if you politically aware but not a douchecanoe about it,
if you are intense about something in your life but not uptight when it come to life,
if you prefer evolving ideas over stagnant dogma,
if you are willing to learn something new and teach me something new,
if your answer on OKC states that you have no preference in race but it wasn't merely a ploy to not seem racist ;-P.
if you are independent thinker and not simply a contrarian,
if you can find at least one way you stand out from both the norm and your friends,
and if you are an honest person looking to have a good time and a hard laugh.