34 Gardners, PA
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My self-summary

You get home from a long, exhausting day and are eager to relax. You (turn to):

page 2) listen to your favorite podcast, Welcome to Nightvale.
page 3) pick up clutter around your place anyway, putting everything in its own special spot, because it will drive you insane if you don't.


yay! What a good podcast. You like its blend of whimsy, wordplay, and sheer intelligence. It reminds you a lot of an old show you really used to love, the X-files. Now you're ready to start dinner. What do you rather have? You (turn to):

page 4) make a simple dish with pasta, a few spices and chicken.
page 5) prepare an elaborate feast, dirtying every dish in your kitchen.


You are eaten by aardvarks.


Tasty! You take just enough time to savor both the meal and its preparation, and decide to invite a few friends over next time. Friends make everything better. You put on some music as you wash the dishes, wishing you had someone to do them with you. Just as you finish up, the phone rings. One of your friends is having a bad night. What do you do?

page 6) invite her over to your place to hang out and commiserate.
page 7) distracted is best! You talk her into getting some drinks and hitting up the clubs.


Feeling your absent mother's scrutinizing gaze, you obsess over the details of preparing your own meal until your skull explodes from the sheer, overwhelming pressure.


You spend hours with your friend talking about what's going on, and sharing details of your lives. Feeling more relaxed, you watch some Netflix and hang out until you both get sleepy. You walk your friend to the door and give her a warm hug to say goodbye. Just as you turn around, you realize you still haven't tidied up the house.

page 8) you sleepily pick up just a few things, knowing that you've put it off all day.
page 9) you have to clean up all the items in every room, or you won't be able to sleep that night.

You are beaten to death by baby seals.

Ah! You look around the living room with satisfaction, glad you've done something rather than nothing. In fact, you would say that restoring order does more for your soul than keeping it. The rest will still be there tomorrow, an entirely new day. You fall asleep with a smile on your face.

The end!

You are buried alive in an avalanche of keys.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a doctoral student in philosophy. And also a forklift operator. I volunteer at the local public library. I just joined Toastmasters.
I’m really good at
waiting. You'd be surprised what's on the other side of emptiness.

Hint: It's power. Lots and lots of power. Seriously, there are like transformers and towers and this really big coiling thing.
The first things people usually notice about me
I have a quick and ready smile. I want to make everyone's day a little bit better. I have broad shoulders. I've shaved my head. People look at me and think I must be smart. I think it's the glasses.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: The Brothers Karamazov, the Gospel of John, Anam Cara, Midnight's Children, The God of Small Things

Movies: Magnolia, Snow Falling on Cedars, No Country for Old Men, The Shawshank Redemption, Me and You and Everyone You Know

Shows: Parks and Recreation, Community, The Wire, Game of Thrones, Justified, Orange is the New Black, Luther, Battlestar Gallactica, Futurama, Luther

Podcasts: This American Life, Radiolab, Welcome to Nightvale, Serial, The Axe Files, Reply All, Mental Illness Happy Hour, Harmontown

Music: Beth Orton, William Fitzsimmons, The Pretenders, Johnny Cash, Anais Mitchell, Belle and Sebastian, Rilo Kiley, Massive Attack, the Innocence Mission, Portishead, Tedeschi Trucks Band, Trio Medieval
The six things I could never do without
My friends
My faith
The Outdoors & Hiking
Wonder & Curiosity
I spend a lot of time thinking about
how to live life, how to love God, how to love my friends, how to love those I do not know. It's a short list, but they're all pretty complicated!
On a typical Friday night I am
Working, which for me right now means driving around on a forklift. But it's almost the weekend!
You should message me if
you find your life to be odd, occasionally tragic and - most frequently - hilarious.