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25 Calgary, Alberta, CA Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 24-32
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Apr 9
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Agnosticism and laughing about it
Doesn’t have kids but might want them
Has dogs
English (Fluently), French (Somewhat), Polish (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Based on the spelling I've seen on here so far, I'm deeply disappointed in the quality of our school systems, we are all doomed...literally, it makes me weep inside.

Things I do not tolerate:
-Messages that just say 'hi' or 'hey'... learn you some more words bro.
-Adult men that write 'lol'... ain't nobody got time for that.
-Men who 'rite liek dis'... Ebonics is never an appropriate way to speak to someone you are trying to bed.

The only time it's ok to do any of the above:
-Never, but I suppose desperate times call for desperate measures, so I'll allow it only if you're extremely good looking. If you're as sharp as a marshmallow, you should at least be easy to look at.

Things you may be wondering about me:

Basically what I'm looking for is the mythological spawn of some sort of Construction working-Homeless looking-Viking like-Football player sized dude, tattoos are a plus, also beards are bonus Jonas. Not you? Jog on.

Lucille Bluth is my spirit animal.
You are not my supervisor.
Duh and or hello.

I may or may not be a horse lime....

Should we just get married now, or would you feel more comfortable if you met my parole officer first?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Ok mom... settle down...
In all seriousness, everything I do, I do ironically.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Being sassy.... sassy sassy, so sassy
Running my mouth
Pointing out the obvious
Drinking coffee
Being judgemental
Acting like an asshole
Finding places to pee when I'm drunk
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That we're brothers... no...... YES!!!!!
Also, i'm fucking adorable.
Did we just become best friends?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Metal, Ska, Punk, Oldies, Classical, Classic Rock, Glam Rock, Hair Metal, Grunge, Jazz, blah blah blah...

Tank Girl, Lords of Dogtown, House of 1000 Corpses, Boondock Saints, Resevoir Dogs, Fight Club, Night at the Roxbury, The Big Lebowski, Snatch, like this is going to give you any insight into what kind of person I am...
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Music, Sweet Tea, Shenanigans, Credit Card, Smokes, Coffee.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Clouds, Beards, Tattoos, Kidney Stones.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Playing with a glue gun and / or bedazzling my face.
Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight, never running from a real fight... typical Friday night stuff...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
If you're lucky, maybe one day, I'll allow you into my meticulously constructed web of lies.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You have or can grow a gnarly beard.