I'm an honest person in general, but if things work out between the two of us, I'm totally willing to lie about how we met.

What else can I tell you about myself? Here goes: Always wear my seatbelt, don't always wear sunscreen, more of a cat person than a dog person, more of a Beatles person than a Stones person, more of a beer person than a wine person, utterly mystified by people who find the show "Family Guy" funny.

Oh, and my first sentence was a bit of a joke, just to grab your attention. I hope it worked! Now send me a message, already!

Work keeps me very busy, and I love it. But I really want to get out there and have some fun!

I'm content with my life, and I'd like to find a nice, quirky, smart guy whom I can treat well. If you can make me laugh and treat me with respect and affection, I'd be delighted to reciprocate.

My friend Mike told me that including the word "thong" in my profile would help boost its response rate. I have a career in marketing, which has given me a passion for testing variables. So, here goes: Thong.

Finally, as you can see, I have one of the worst screen names ever. (And OkCupid won't let me change it. Boo.) Ask me about it sometime!

Accidentally picking the longest line in any grocery store, bank, or toll booth.

Another thing I'm good at? Opening jars. No, really. You know how every family / tight-knit group of people has that one person to whom they hand all of their tough-to-open jars? Okay --- that's me. You wouldn't guess it to look at me, as I am slightly underweight and, despite my best workout efforts, woefully lacking in upper-body strength. I chalk up my success in this practically useless endeavor to fierce determination rather than brute strength. Or maybe I just hang out with extremely wimpy cliques of people.

I'm not sure --- probably that I'm a bit shy (before I get to know you), and I have glasses. (Think "librarian type.")

Favorite books, off the top of my head and in no particular order: The Death of Ivan Ilyich (Tolstoy), Notes from Underground (Dostoevsky), Dead Souls (Gogol), The Haunting of Hill House (Shirley Jackson), To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee), The Color Purple (Alice Walker), A Clockwork Orange (Anthony Burgess), Lolita (Nabokov).

Favorite movies, off the top of my head and in no particular order: Borat (because I'm classy), Bad Education (my favorite Almodovar), The Devil's Backbone (precursor to Pan's Labyrinth and a better movie, in my opinion), Love Actually (awesome chick flick, and I generally don't like chick flicks), This is Spinal Tap (a movie that goes to 11), South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut (an A+ for the title alone).

Favorite music: Mostly rock music (classic & alternative); some classical music (although I am not overly knowledgeable about that genre). Lately I have been going through a pretty heavy TV on the Radio phase. (If you know and love this band even half as much as I do, we're going to get along just fine.)

Favorite foods: I try to eat with a focus on nutrition most of the time, so it's mostly whole grains, fruits, and vegetables for me. Fortunately, I like these foods a lot, and as a bonus my blood pressure is roughly 100/70. My overall healthy eating is punctuated by brief, manic episodes of horrifically sinful indulgences, mainly involving chocolate. (Mmm, chocolate!)

1. Diet Coke: Over the course of my life, I've given up smoking cigarettes, eating meat, and heavy drinking. Believe me, caffeine is here to stay.

2. Good friends and family: I'm sure everyone has this on their list, but it still counts, right? 'Nuff said.

3. The Internet / my computer: All of my work life, plus a big chunk of my leisure time, is wrapped up in these!

4. Exercise: For me, this mostly consists of long, fast-paced walks in the park or neighborhood. I love working up a sweat, getting fresh air, seeing all the squirrels, deer, birds, and snakes --- not to mention the sweet endorphin rush of a good workout.

5. My library card: The two main things this tells you are that I am a nerd, plus I'm too cheap to buy books. What a catch, huh?

6. Mint-flavored shred-resistant dental floss. (Better yet, when I can find it, cinnamon!)

What I can do to keep my business chugging along in this challenging economy. Plus, who (or what) is "Jacob" on the TV show "Lost"? (Okay, I originally wrote this before this past season was over --- but I still think about it from time to time.)

One more thing that's been on my mind: I've been wondering where I can score some Napalm to get rid of two particularly tough fire ant mounds in my yard. They have transformed me from a mild-mannered pacifist to a bloodthirsty maniac. God, I hate them so.

Working, working out, hanging out with friends, relaxing at home with a book or movie, taking some OkCupid tests (I know, I know ... the first step is admitting you have a problem), or some combination thereof.

Yes, as I mentioned above, I am a vegetarian. I've been told that's viewed as a "red flag" by many. Please, don't jump to any unwarranted conclusions based on this! I shave my legs. I don't own any Birkenstocks. And I outright loathe PETA! I simply look at it this way: I can live a long, healthy, happy life without ever eating meat --- so I don't do it. And, for the record, I don't care whether you eat meat or not.

Another thing: Online dating freaks me out a little. If I can manage to avoid any potential drooling axe murderers (geez, everyone has some online dating horror stories, don't they?), I will consider this whole thing to have been a resounding success. The bar is set pretty low for you, my friend.

You think we'd hit it off --- and your idea of introducing yourself doesn't consist of e-mailing me grainy cell-phone photos of yourself in the nude.