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32 Albany, NY Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 23–35
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
5′ 3″ (1.60m)
Body Type
Trying to quit
Agnosticism, and somewhat serious about it
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Banking / Finance
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), German (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Currently watching ever episode of Passions. So yeah there's that.

I am....


Fat, short, and hairy.......but

I am working on correcting the last two. I read in a cosmo that you can get rid of unwanted body hair with laser treatment, so I have been pointing laser pointers at my chest and pubic region nightly. So far there have been no positive results to report. On the short front, I have been practicing standing on soup cans. The next step will involve walking on the soup cans but I have not figured out the mechanics of it yet

I used to like going to slumber parties until one day I turned 31 and all of a sudden it was inappropriate. I like to wear clothes when I am outside, but I don't like wearing clothes in the shower. Sometimes I wish I was a cat because I like licking myself (I taste delicious).

In a tribe of chimpanzees I wasn't lucky. They all laughed at me and said that I was chunky. So I took a baseball bat and hit a home run. Everyone said it was impressive and fun. We don't know if space is really great but we have to believe that chimps can skate.

I work in a cubicle and talk about Murphy Brown at the water cooler. No one there respects me because they cannot see me. I have a magical device to shield me. It isn't so much a cloak of invisibility as it is a price chopper bag. People look the other way. It's great!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Wasting time in a huried way.

I think of lots of different things. Such as:

Mice is much smarter than we give them credit. I once saw a movie about a mouse that lived in a house with a bat and a louse. It was all fun till she got her gun and Anne Oakley played as Faust.

Flowers are free if you do not live in the future.

Meat comes from the frozen food isle, but corn comes from the soup isle.

Magic happens when there is a gathering.

Typing on this phone is tough with fat fingers.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Climbing tall puppies
Eating large cables
Making tin foil hats
Proving the earth is flat
Marrying my socks so they stay together forever
Pretending that I am a boxcar hobo with bindle
Nestle squirt
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I am not Tony Danza
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I like good books. The ones that have covers are especially great because I am able to judge the contents of that book by it's cover. Reading books makes people look smart so sometimes I like to sit in front of Victoria's Secrets reading a book about nature.

I like good movies. Sometimes I watch movies at night.

Music is fun to boogie.

I am growing bored with this section.

Maybe I should buy a boat.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
This was covered previosuly. See above
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Giving children wedgies in the park until usually 6:30. Then I walk to the funeral home and try hiding in a coffin until that jerk Michael throws me out again. That usually ends at 7:45. By then I am really tired so I need to recharge. I go to price chopper and eat as many grapes that can fit in my mouth or until that jerk Kathy throws me out. After that I watch the fire trucks and cry to myself. The last thing I do is wipe the masscara from my eyes and sleep in a van down by a stream (river was taken).
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Butt butt farty butt
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Don't message me. I am a dick.

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