I've been thinking about 2 questions on my profile. What is the most private thing I'm willing to admit and what I think about. I have decided to write about these 2 questions hopeing that in sharing my reason for being here and my trials, humiliation whatever you want to call it. Someone out there will realize they are not alone, sometimes bad things happen to good people and there is life and love after the person you thought you could never replace!

I guess I will start with a 10 year relationship one that had it's ups and downs. But one from my stand point was strong. That ended over the telephone on the way back from seeing my son gradutate from the military. I think it went something like. I said where do you want to meet when I get home (he's a Truck Driver), he said no where I am going back to my ex at the request of my 12 year old daughter. So how do you fight that. He's going back to a woman that would not raise his 2 sons.

There is no way to fight it. And if your a decent person how do you hate? Who do you call the enemy? Because you can't blame a 12 year old for wanting her Mom and Dad back together. And how do you hate a man for wanting to give his daughter what she wants the most - him. The really hard part was knowing that part of this was the material stuff. We had lost our house. And to this day I truly believe one of the biggest reason he left was that. But there wasn't anything I could do. God how I prayed I could win the lottery, someone would call with a great job, something to save us.  I began to think it must be as horrible to realize a person only said they loved for what you have, as much as it is for a person to say they don't love you anymore because of what you don't have, ya know?

I felt like someone had taken a bat whacked me in the back of the legs and dropped me to my knees. How do you fight against material things, against lies, deception? Do you become the person you hate because of what other people do to you? Please believe me I am no one exceptional. I am the person who lives next store, that you see at your kids school, at your church or one of your friends. I read there are 2 ways the human minds sees each experience through, the realistic mind (where the reality and understanding of the situation- truly how good or bad a situation was for us - true reasoning) and the emotional mind ( where all our reasoning is based on how the situation made us feel - I like to call this romantic self-afflection. The big but he/she really did love me - yeah right!)

There is life after broken love! I decided to reach back to the person deep inside myself that I really was and I started reading a book by Rick Warren called " Purpose Driven Life". This book helped me realize I matter. I can be the person I have only dreamed of. That there is a plan to my life and if I don't let bad experiences scar me, that I can reconnect with me, rework my life to show the world who I am and that my life is wonderful because I am - it says come join me in my comfort with myself. I have purpose and so do you. When your life is inviting to you it is also inviting to others.  Life is easier to share when you accept yourself and other people for the person they truly are. Isn't that what we are all here for friendship/love. Someone to reach out to share ourselves with others.

I am not in a relationship right now but it will come when the time is right. And for the 1st time in my life it's really ok! What I got from the book was YOU ARE SPECIAL! YOU HAVE A REASON FOR BEING! Find it, embrace it then no matter what else happens - your life will flourish. People will enjoy and want to share time with you!  Remember you are not alone!!

Oh and I strongly suggest you read everything you can get ahold of that Rick Warren has written - he is truly an inspriation.