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25 F Cincinnati, OH

My Details

Last Online
Today – 10:10am
5′ 0″ (1.52m)
Body Type
Christianity, and laughing about it
Scorpio, and it’s fun to think about
Working on masters program
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has dogs
English (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Dayman! Fighter of the Nightman!
Champion of the sun!
I'm the master of karate and friendship for everyone!
I can't believe they call these essays. talk about polishing a turd. anyways.... i am the epitome of a lovable curmudgeon.
What I’m doing with my life
UPDATE: moving! lick it, Cincinnati!
currently working toward my masters in library science, and i work part-time at the public library. I would tell you which one, but you'd prolly just stalk me. I also spend a significant amount of time being fuckin awesome.
I’m really good at
weezin the juice, crying at grey's anatomy, taking naps, and crosswords, cuz sudoku is for rain men.
The first things people usually notice about me
my dimples, the fact that my eyes are so dark brown they are almost black, and my fake boobs. but probably not in that order. as for the first thing i notice about you... your beard is disgusting. its not cute. its not cool. its not ironic. there is nothing hip about having your face look like a '70s vagina.... people have told me my profile is intimidating. I find that funny. I fit in a fucking dryer. I'm harmless, I promise. I'm a sheep in wolf's clothing.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
movies- the big lebowski, mallrats, good will hunting, dog day afternoon, step-brothers, whatever happened to baby jane?, and the shawshank redemption. t.v- squidbillies, trailer park boys, and most anything shitty reality-related. dont judge me. bands- social distortion, the ramones, lucero, violent femmes, nofx, operation ivy, the queers, sloppy seconds, hank williams jr. authors- janet evanovich, shel silverstein, dorothy allison, chuck palahnuik, sarah dessen. food- bacon, chocolate milkshakes, cheetos, gravy. booze- jameson, sailor jerry, & maker's mark.
The six things I could never do without
1. Crunchy cheetos. Because puffy ones.... Uh yeah.
2. Woody harrelson. "i'm not that good at goodbyes, so... Uh, that'll do pig."
3. Snuggling. Im usually the little spoon, but im an equal opportunity spooner. Sometimes even the big guys need to be nestled and nuzzled.
4. breakfast
5. High fives.
6. Kenny fucking Powers. "There is no 'i' in team. But there is a 'u' in cunt. So don't be jealous little cunts." Effin A, Ken. words to live by.
7. Fuck you, okcupid. You don't run me!
8.Bob Ross
9.Q-tips (ear orgasms!)
10. My homemade shake-weight ( a dildo duct taped to 2 cans of Busch's baked beans)
11. bottled water. cincinnati tap water tastes like frogs.
12. Discount Liquor Emporium
13. Doyle Hargraves
14. accents. if you have an accent, chances are, you can also have my panties. metaphorically speaking, of course.
15. Cream cheese frosting
I spend a lot of time thinking about
how to stop thinking about the things i spend too much time thinking about. And if i have swallowed too much gum. And how come none of the chicks on the walking dead ever need tampons. and who's stupid idea was yellow starbursts??
On a typical Friday night I am
drinking my way to at least a brown-out while I clutch my bodypillow and cry because nobody loves me. And usually at some point in the wee hours of the morning, drunk me buys sober me presents on amazon. yayyyyyy surprises!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
1. I smoke. And i don't plan on quitting. 2. I pretend to be a guy on xbox live. it keeps the french perverts away. 3. i once knowingly and willfully pissed in the sporting goods section of Big Lots. Bathrooms for employees only, my ass. 4. i will bake you cookies if you don't feel well. 5. I'm pretty sure Macklemore and Miley Cyrus are the same person. 6. I kinda wanna hate fuck Henry Rollins.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 25–37
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
seriously? no fucking uggos. you know if you're not attractive. stop pretending. don't bother messaging me if you haven't filled out your profile. if i can take the time to write dumbass comments for all to see, so can you. lazy ass. and if somewhere in your profile, you say "i don't watch tv, but some shows i watch are...", really, Derps Magillicutty? what kind of shows might those be? book shows? no. tv shows. you are a hipster idiot and i hate you. Also, if im interested in you, im going to want to have an actual conversation, on the phone before i meet you. If that terrifies you, because you'd prefer to text forever like a 14yr old junior high cheerleader, then dont bother. but if you're smart, and funny, and have an adorable face, please do bother. pleeeease bother. I'm also severely attracted to heavily tattooed guys who look like they might have a few priors. Now, seriously, stop gawkin at me and say something!

come with every wound
and every woman you've ever loved
every lie you've ever told
and whatever it is that keeps you up at night
every mouth you've ever punched in
all the blood you've ever tasted
come with every enemy you've ever made
and all the family you've ever buried
and every dirty thing you've ever done
every drink that's burnt your throat
and every morning you've woken
with nothing and no one
come with all your loss
your regrets, sins
black outs
come with all the rot in your mouth
and that voice like needle hitting record
come with your kind eyes and weeping knuckles
come with all your shame
come with your swollen heart
i've never seen anything more beautiful than