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34 M Portland, OR

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 11:19pm
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Atheism, and somewhat serious about it
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay)

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My self-summary
I'm a bundle of apparent contradictions. I'm a chatty introvert, a cerebral athlete, a misanthropic humanist, cynical but genuine, generally mellow but undeniably intense. I often seem very serious and in some ways I am, but beneath my sober veneer, I'm generally joking, because I think it's all a bitter-sweet joke. We live, we die, and if we've never projectile-vomited from a balcony before the latter, we've probably not done enough of the former.

I'm pretty dedicated to the role of jaded bastard. Expect sarcasm (mostly gentle and harmless). Expect non sequitur. My emotions are deep but not particularly wide. Someone should put up warning signs around them to prevent children from falling in; the last thing I need is a media spectacle involving some kid stuck in my angst well.

I'm not hip. I don't spend much time trying to impress people. If you're looking to be impressed, I'm sure there are plenty of ironic-banjo-playing multi-instrumentalists out there with mustaches that look like they should spin around with the push of a hidden button and tattoos of nipples on their backs so you'll have something to hold onto regardless of orientation in flagrante delicto. Go to them.

Sometimes I feel like a hidden world. There's a hint of hopeless romantic to me, heavy on the hopeless. Few people ever see it, but it's in there, deep in my murk, somewhere between my inner teenage girl and the part of my lizard brain that makes me bite your hand if you try taking my last french fry.

If you're familiar with the Myers-Briggs typings, I'm an INTJ, but I can't claim to be particularly good at it.
What I’m doing with my life
Portland clichéing. I bike, boulder, camp, hike, kayak, write code, and go to New Seasons every day. Sometimes I don't even know why I'm there. It's like sleep walking, but with soup samples.
I’m really good at
Selling myself. "Buy this slightly used blond guy, complete with snark and baggage!"

I'm a good tennis player. I'm good at pretty much anything academic. I can write, read, do math, take tests, and raise my eyebrow subtly in a way that indicates someone has just said something stupid.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Rings of Saturn, The Princess Bride, Middlesex, The Virgin Suicides, The Tenants of Moonbloom, The Life of Pi, Catfish and Mandala, Mutants, Catch-22, Confederacy of Dunces, Geek Love, Jasmine Nights, Inherent Vice, Wake up, Sir!

Three of the above books end with the protagonist running away from his problems. I suspect that says something about me.

Music: Austra, Grimes, Trust, LCD Soundsystem, Molly Nillson, The Knife, The Magnetic Fields, Caribou, Figurine, Of Montreal, The Postal Service, Depeche Mode, Crystal Castles, New Order, Belle and Sebastian, The Notwist, Lali Puna, Stereolab, Yo La Tengo, Chromatics, Glass Candy, Massive Attack, Phantogram, Blouse, The Chap, iamamiwhoami, yacht.

TV: Dexter, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, Community, Game of Thrones, Strangers with Candy, Arrested Development, Party Down, Wilfred, American Horror Story, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
The six things I could never do without
Does anyone else think they chose the number six to make us think about sex?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Strategery. I'm a terrible over-analyzer and perfectionist. I'm a problem solver by nature and trade.
On a typical Friday night I am
Most often I play sports, do the whole dinner and movie thing, or have a few drinks with friends. I wish I had a more exciting answer, like night parachuting or seeing how long I can hold a firecracker before tossing it or writing a manifesto, but I don't. The manifesto is more of a Thursday evening thing. (Chapter 1: "You ARE the Problem" through Chapter 13: "How to Stop Worrying and Vote Lizard People 2014". Covers most of the major points.)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I spent the first several years of my life as trailer trash and briefly lived on a pig farm. We fed the pigs out-dated yogurt. We also ate the yogurt.

I want to change my "message me if" to, "Come for the dick jokes, stay for the dick."
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 22–35
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
I like people who have just a touch of vulnerability to them. Not a lot, not enough to be broken, and it shouldn't be worn like a badge, something always visible or, worse, confrontational. Just something delicate and not quite completely hidden to remind me they're human.

Ah, fuck it, just give me the damaged goods.


Do you want to find a love so great it gives life meaning, so powerful it's best described in terms generally reserved for celestial bodies and their silent movements through the void, so pure it feels like your spirit is leaving your body through your tears? Me neither.