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27 F Bethesda, MD

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Native American, White
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
A little extra
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Libra, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from space camp
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I am mighty! I have a glow you cannot see. I have a heart as big as the moon, as warm as bathwater. I am a superhero, I don't have time to be charming! ...Wait no, that's the Tick.

I'm an aerodynamically curvaceous, Amazonian sweetheart. A cleverboots with moxie, daring, and a great pair of get-away sticks. I'm excitable and wordy, and I've got a dirty mouth. I love the word 'fuck' and use it frequently, often in front of children despite my mother teaching me better.

I'm obsessed with floral prints, skulls, mythology, monsters, and robots. Puppets and dinosaurs are among my most favorite things. I love shoes and tattoos. I also love rhymes.

I was once described as "the plucky, boisterous type, always splashing in puddles and going on adventures." So I'm basically like a chick Christopher Robin, but taller.
What I’m doing with my life
Teaching tone deaf orphans to sing, wining and dining, manhandling, bookworming, tomfoolery, malarkey. I also like to take photos, play games with friends, and try to outdrink people twice my size. Sometimes when I'm left to my own devices for too long I do strange and unexpected things with my hair.

I was diagnosed in early 2012 with Fibromyalgia (a chronic neurological condition that causes a heightened response to pain/increased amount of pain in the body, as well as a host of other fun symptoms. You are welcome to ask me about it if you're curious), which forces me to live a fairly mellow, stress-free lifestyle while I work on improving my overall health. As a result I am unable to work outside of my home & have massive amounts of free time. I spend a lot of it with friends or watching Star Trek and playing video games in my underpants, also known as "living the dream".
I’m really good at
Becoming interested in things after everyone else has gotten bored with them (I suck at trends). Piercing people, mostly myself. Cutting & coloring hair. Singing along with things. Sleeping. Procrastinating. Losing my glasses. Headshots. Upside down Spider-Man kisses. Baking anything that involves chocolate or cheese. Ogling, I ogle people like it's my job.
The first things people usually notice about me
I come on kinda spicy, but taste just like those pickle chips.

I am tall, fat, loud and totally unapologetic about it. My smile is large and predatory and my eyes are extremely green, as green as those of a demonic she-beast. My butt expands to fill whatever space I am occupying (if I fits, I sits). I'm half feral. The first words out of my mouth are often about robots, comic books, underpants, things with tentacles, porn, or food.

I get really, really excited about stuff and it can be really, really unnerving.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books/Comics: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Raw Shark Texts, The Good Fairies of New York, Dreams of Sex & Stagediving (anything by Martin Millar, really), Krokodil Tears, Anno Dracula, Crooked Little Vein, The Diamond Age, Bone, Phonogram, Tekkon Kinkreet, Locke & Key, Sex Criminals, Pretty Deadly, Rat Queens, Saga, etc. I love sci-fi, particularly Roger Zelazny, Philip K. Dick, Neal Stephenson & Iain M. Banks.

Movies/TV: Amélie, Brave, Delicatessen, Blade Runner, Rebel Without a Cause, High Fidelity, Arsenic and Old Lace, Brick, The Big Lebowski, Wristcutters, Pan's Labyrinth, James and the Giant Peach, Layer Cake, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Metropolis, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Zombieland, Cabin in the Woods, How to Train Your Dragon, Farscape, The Tick, Futurama, Adventure Time, The Venture Bros, Archer, MST3K, Bob's Burgers (I'm Tina), Game of Thrones (Game of Butts hehehehehe), Vikings, Hannibal, Gravity Falls, Community, Orphan Black, Rick & Morty, Defiance. I also have a massive hardon for really bad horror movies, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, & the X-Files.

Music: Bikini Kill, The Magnetic Fields, The Hold Steady, Scout Niblett, Laura Marling, The Smiths, The Decemberists, The Faint, LCD Soundsystem, Elastica, Manic Street Preachers, that one album by Liz Phair, David Bowie, Tom Waits, Gogol Bordello (saw them live on NYE, best night of my life), Metric, The Knife, Yann Tiersen, Jean Grae, Dessa Darling & Doomtree, Frank Turner, Mother Mother, The Like, Ida Maria, Nico Vega. I listen to a pretty wide variety of music, but there is a special place in my heart for riotgrrrl and punk.

Food: I am pretty much entirely fueled by caffeine and the blood of virgins. I also love quiche! (I will eat anything not restricted by my fibro, as well as many things which are). I will also drink all of your pumpkin beer and bourbon, so consider yourself warned.
The six things I could never do without
Big boots with shiny buckles, used book stores, hair dye, onomatopoeia, cheap tacos, my subspace bag.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Nudity, super powers, the systematic destruction of gender roles, old books, where the best light is, Godzilla and other movie monsters, octopuses, burlesque, hair, make-up, video games, movies, music, comic books, social politics, the pancake vs. waffle debate.
On a typical Friday night I am
Your common Manic Pixie Dream Girl can be found frequenting concerts, used book stores, and anywhere that serves good food or beer. Mainly nocturnal, she can be lured out in daylight with sugary overpriced coffee drinks and promises of adventure. She is attracted to loud noises and bright colors, so circuses are not out of the question.

Your MPDG is recognizable by her odd hair and unusual fashion sense. Generally known to be friendly, caution is not necessary when approaching although she appreciates a handshake and an offer of a drink before any inappropriate touching. When getting to know your MPDG sense of humor and fun are key, the MPDG enjoys new experiences and is susceptible to suggestion, persuasion, bribery, or dares.

(In place of MPDG, one can substitute the word "flibbertigibbet", she likes this. Also, please note that this is a joke because I like tropes and self-deprecating humor. If you are the kind of person who actually wants to date a Manic Pixie Dream Girl then chances are we will not get along at all.)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I think I'm the queen of the neighborhood.

I love butts.

I'm polyamorous, pansexual, queer as fuck and an intersectional feminist. These are not big secrets, but they are pretty key factors when it comes to who I date and how and are therefore good things to know about me.
I’m looking for
  • Guys and girls who like bi girls
  • Ages 24–38
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You understand that I have a chronic illness and will not hold it against me when I am often unable to do things on a whim or may be required to break plans due to unexpected, overwhelming pain. You also solemnly vow not to treat my illness like an inconvenience to you because you aren't a total dick.

You're poly or non-monogamous, or looking for a new friend. You're quick with the wit. You know stuff about stuff. You can flirt, and be flirted with, without expectations of inappropriate touching. You're looking for a bubbly, buxom companion to do any of the following with: talk, extensively, about everything, play board/card/video games while drinking, watch and argue about movies, see live shows, explore (mostly used bookstores and cheap taco joints).

Brownie points if you want to watch tv and snuggle while I paint your nails, or you want to give me all the massages.

I'm not gonna show you my tits, or go to any kind of kinky sex parties with you, both of these things come MUCH later in the relationship. I can also firmly assure you that I am not remotely interested in your genitals, so telling me about them is probably not a good opener.