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ibitemynailz

24 Mesa, AZ Woman

Woman

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 18–99
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Dec 17
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
Height
5′ 2″ (1.57m)
Body Type
Used up
Diet
Strictly other
Smokes
Yes
Drinks
Rarely
Drugs
Often
Religion
Other, and laughing about it
Sign
Aquarius
Education
Dropped out of space camp
Job
Other
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Has dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), French (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly), Other (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hello stranger-
You may call me Simon, or Sigh;
I don't have time for elitist assholes so if that's your deal, do me a favour and be on your merry little way. I don't give a fuck about your clothes, your music, or your social status. As long as you aren't a massively boring compulsively lying thieving jerkoff asshole junky piece of shit, I think we'll be okay.

My favourite word in the English language is friction.
I would describe myself as... Well, I've been told that I am a rather strange, but morally good person who has made a couple bad choices in life... and is trying to fix them. Well, sort of trying to.
I mean I'm workin' on it.

If you want to know me, you'll have to learn to accept my flaws. I know that it's difficult to handle in this day and age, but I am FAR from perfect. I shoot for progress, not perfection. By progress I mean not regressing. Pretty much maintaining the chaos.

I'm a bit of an extremist. "Go hard or go home" is applied to everything I do. Just a heads up... Shit might get a bit ridiculous.

Also, did you know that not giving a fuck improves your experience of life by about 60%? because it does.

"Perspective-
Use It or Lose It.
If you turned to this page,
you're forgetting that what is going on around you is not reality.
Think about that.
Remember where you came from,
where you're going,
and why you created the mess you got yourself into in the first place.
You're going to die a horrible death, remember.
It's all good training, and you'll enjoy it
more if you keep the facts
in mind.
Take your dying with some seriousness, however.
Laughing on the way to your execution
is not generally understood by less-
advanced life-forms, and they'll
call you crazy.
"
-from "Illusions" by Richard Bach

oh yeah, I FUCKING HATE the word "INTERESTING". if you use this word i guarantee that you will NOT get a response from me.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Waiting for something that's worth waiting for.

Masquerading through life one disappointment after the next with something that wishes it was a smile stapled to my face.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Or at least I like to think I'm really good at...

Over thinking situations, spontaneity, cooking at 3 am, having panic attacks, portraying the illusion of stability, psychoanalyzing people, making life-changing decisions with little or no forethought, doing the hokey pokey, optimistic pessimism, self-destruction, underhanded compliments, bluntness/honesty, crossword puzzles, chainsmoking, various explicit activities, making people feel uncomfortable, making impressive lists, minimizing the importance of serious situations in a humorous yet sometimes offensive fashion(see: being facetious), sassyness, climbing trees, puns, having horrible gypsy luck, collecting awesome shit, being condescending by default, people & puppy haircuts, giving people vague answers to questions, making cat sounds, being thrifty, reading novels, long awkward hugs, being independent as fuck, improvising, boosting shit from goodwill, macramé, tolerating pain...
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My charming personality and sunny disposition, obviously.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I like food. Food is good.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
mind&body-altering substances;
sweet tunes;
expression;
rilo the dog;
quality friendships;
TOUCH
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
skin & bones
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Doing all that is typical. Friday is my designated day for typical activities.

Typical activities include but are not limited to: cooking, eating, sexing, arts&crafts, injecting narcotics& dangerous drugs, chillin with Rilo & Spoonz, not sleeping...pretty much catalyzing the huge mess that will become obscenely, unavoidably apparent come Monday
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am still afraid of some un-named thing lurking underneath my bed. So much so that I removed my bed from my room, leaving my bedding on the floor and eliminating all crawl space beneath it and/or the chance of something lurking in said space. I win.

I am a nurturer by nature; despite my efforts to deny it I always seem to find myself taking in strays(people and animals), doing ridiculous favours and mostly getting taken complete and total advantage of. Oh and gratitude? Yeah I don't see much of that. All I ask is for a fucking "thank you" and to have my back & 8-out-of-10 times all I get is a knife in it. But guess what mothersucka I am a damn gypsy and I'll pull that blade out and filet you like a damn salmon, so you'd better think twice before taking advantage of my kindness. Fucker.

I am many things, but "easy" is not one of those things. So unless you are either gunna pony up some dead presidents or somehow manage to strike my fancy(unlikely), don't expect much of anything. Setting expectations (for anything in life)is setting yourself up for disappointment. But you probably already knew that. If you didn't, you do now so you have zero excuses.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you give zero fucks;
you have a large scar, amputation, extra finger or are otherwise physically deformed because I find that kind of shit unbelievably sexy;
you can laugh at yourself;
you're a gender bending, crossdressing pervert
you're somebody with a secret;

more importantly...
DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF:
you're a liar,
Or a theif,
Or on the prowl for a tax-free booty call.
you take Xanax on a regular basis because that SHIT changes people into the most horrible shitty versions of themselves & guess what? I DONT GOT TIME FOR THAT BULLSHIT so please do us all a favour and go play in traffic. thanks.
you're a rapey, molesting sex offender
you want me to Kik, Skype, Snapchat or participate in ANY of that stupid nonsense with you- if you want to talk business with me ask me for my # and we can move forward from there.
you feel compelled to chastise or critique my way of living because you find it offensive

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