Greets to my fellow OK-Computers, I mean Cupid-ers-a.k.a. those too cheap to pay for E-Harmony (myself included, though I do maintain an active profile at farmersonly.com username: "PlowandPlantSeed") I want to give a special yell out to my Memphians living in the shadow of the big ass Pyramid. Those of you not from Memphis probably don't know we have the 3rd largest pyramid in the world and it is used as a breeding tank for creating homeless people that are more effective at panhandling and wearing mismatched shoes.
Yes, I like to dress up like a zombie and attack random people as you can see from my profile pictures. Yes, that is my real work outfit in the pictures and the blood on there is probably real. I am comfortable with this, I am enlightened.
I work in the field of infectious diseases. For that reason, you don't want me to be your doctor. As a lover of microbiology, nothing makes me happier than a good wet mount.
I have met some interesting people here in Memphis in person thanks to OK-cupid-probably close to 13 people if you count that one girl that had 7 personalities.
I spend a lot of time doing physical exams-you can take that however you want to take it. Like the famous T-Shirt you can buy in Panama City for 4/$20 "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look". I recite this mantra 15 times a day and use it in all my business dealings. It's more effective than the "and..." kid in the coke zero commercials
I have also invented several sexual positions including the "box cutter" (not for those interested in the mile high club) and the "Regal Kegal". Currently, the city of Memphis is working on building a statue of me downtown, but they are awaiting shipments of cyberskin.
I'm a procrastinator, but I always get it done at the last possible second. This is why you can trust me to pull out as a sole form of birth control.
Not all my pursuits are hedonistic. I love to organize charity projects. I founded the first 5k Walk of Shame. It involves walking in soiled inside-out undergarments while crying. 5k also happens to be the exact distance between my apartment and the Greyhound bus station. All of the proceeds go into helping victims of this okcupid profile.
I don't care about your Myers-Briggs type. I think Myers-Briggs are horoscopes for hipsters and are essentially the personality tests administered by scientologists. However, I am an EWOK.
I am a tech junkie, feel at home with a box open, slipping a big new hard drive into an open bay...and I also like working with computers. I can make anything into innuendo, it's a gift and a curse...just kidding, it's all gift baby. I know a lot about cell phones, video games, computers and tech. If your idea of a hot cell phone is a Pink Razr covered in stick-on sequins that spell "Princess" then I am not your man.
Besides comedy,I also write really short stories. I call them "sentences".