Welcome those of you too cheap to pay for E-Harmony (myself included, though I do maintain an active profile at farmersonly.com username: "PlowandPlantSeed").
While I plan to move closer to the city real soon, I'm currently staying in Cumming, GA between the Cumming Dick's and Cumming Target near the Cumming Outback. I just took up a position at the local newspaper: The Cumming Insider where I work on undercover investigations. They are a much more reputable newspaper than the Cumming Post.
Like the famous T-Shirt you can buy in Panama City for 4/$20 "I'm not a gynecologist, but I'll take a look". I recite this mantra 15 times a day, usually when I try to pick up women while riding the Megabus.
I am the inventor of several sexual positions including the "box cutter" (not for those interested in the mile high club) and the "Regal Kegal". For all those microbiologists out there, I created the "wet mount slide".
I'm a procrastinator, but I always get it done at the last possible second. This is why you can trust me to pull out as a sole form of birth control. Never fret, I've been stockpiling Plan B in case we go under a fundamentalist Catholic police state. I think that the expiration date is just there for maximum freshness right?
Not all my pursuits are hedonistic. I love to organize charity projects. I founded the first 5k Walk of Shame. It involves walking in soiled inside-out undergarments while crying. 5k also happens to be the exact distance between my apartment and the Greyhound bus station. All of the proceeds go into helping victims of this okcupid profile.
I don't care about your Myers-Briggs type. I think Myers-Briggs are horoscopes for hipsters and are essentially the personality tests administered by scientologists. However, I am an EWOK.
I'm a Yanni-loving computer nerd with a stack of synthesizers and drum machines that makes new new age music so revolutionary that all new age music prior to me is now just called "Age music". My stage name is Tesh.0
I am a tech junkie, feel at home with a box open, slipping a big new hard drive into an open bay...and I also like working with computers. I can make anything into innuendo, it's a gift and a curse...just kidding, it's all gift baby. I know a lot about cell phones, video games, computers and tech. If your idea of a hot cell phone is a Pink Razr covered in stick-on sequins that spell "Princess" then I am not your man.
Besides comedy,I also write really short stories. I call them "sentences".