a_dingus
30 Portland, OR
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a_dingus
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My self-summary
What would I do if I won the following sums of money?

$1:
Put it in my wallet and save until the next time I needed bus fare.

$10:
Buy two beers - two for me, or one for me and one for a friend.

$100:
I might just save it, or I might go to Block & Tackle oyster happy hour and eat a ridiculous amount of oysters.

$1,000:
Buy a ticket to Tokyo, Beijing, Helsinki, etc. Somewhere!

$10,000:
Pay down my mortgage, and buy a ticket to one of the places listed above, maybe also go to oyster happy hour. Hire someone to build an app that allows you to browse okcupid profiles and filters forms of the word "hiking/hike" and replaces them with "plumbing/plumb"; and "wanderlust" with "bronchitis".

$100,000:
Pay down my mortgage, renovate my attic and basement, go to oyster happy hour.

$1,000,000:
Buy a good condition classic car, take a leave of absence from work, and take about six months driving across the U.S. Come back to the Pacific Northwest and buy a goat and/or llama ranch. I would also go to oyster happy hour.

$10,000,000:
Buy an old Apache helicopter and learn to fly it. Quit my job and fly it across the country, blaring Boston's “Don't Look Back” at deafening volumes as I hover above small towns. Come back to the Pacific Northwest and buy an oyster farm. Buy a bunch of llamas and goats and train them to work there.

$100,000,000:
Buy a mega-yacht and a bunch of cannons. Hire a daring captain and sail to Somalia, seek out pirates to engage. Once all of the pirates have been defeated, become a pirate myself, sailing across the world with my captain and crew, plundering, harvesting fresh fish from the sea and cooking it, singing shanties and dirges.

$1,000,000,000:
Buy a baseball team.

$10,000,000,000:
Wait until the next Super Bowl, buy all of the advertising space, and use it to broadcast footage of me dancing by myself in front of a green screen with various backdrops. If I have any money leftover, possibly buy a baseball team, an Apache helicopter, and go to oyster happy hour.

I’m a simple man.
What I’m doing with my life
Saving up to go on vacation.

Where would you go if you could go anywhere for two weeks, all expenses paid?

Update: I just got two kittens and named them Horace and Leon.
I’m really good at
Screenwriting
Cooking
Trivia
Arithmetic
Biking uphill
Resting Dick Face
Some other things
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Literature: A Confederacy of Dunces, Claudius, The Blind Assassin, Wind Up Bird Chronicle, Kon-Tiki, 2666, The Confessions of Nat Turner, The Poisonwood Bible, stuff by Mailer, Nabokov, West, Roth

Film: Billy Wilder, John Huston, Robert Altman, Alexander Payne, Coens, Scorsese, Hitchcock, Fincher, Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Terminator II: Judgment Day, The Act of Killing

Music: Silver Jews, Radiohead, Neil Young, Jonathan Richman, Black Keys, Stravinsky, Tool, Santigold, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, classical, jazz, blues, live music shows, also a big big fan of embarrassing 90s alt rock and 80s new wave

Listen to "The Lark Ascending" by Ralph Vaughn Williams. Quite magical: http://youtu.be/ZR2JlDnT2l8

TV: The Sopranos, The Wire, Game of
Thrones, Fargo, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Seinfeld, Top Chef, Bourdain stuff

Also love podcasts: This American Life, The World, Planet Money, A Way with Words, 99% Invisible, Stuff to Blow Your Mind
The six things I could never do without
Soy sauce.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
They should gradually transform the Paul Newman face on various Newman's Own products into a skull.

Paul Newman --> decaying face --> skull

do women who love beards also love pubes? if not, why not?
On a typical Friday night I am
Cat --> Begins making sounds like he is about to vomit. Mitch --> Shepherds cat from carpeted floor to tile floor. Cat --> Seems like he is okay, may not vomit, meows for litter box to be cleaned. Mitch --> Begins cleaning litter box. Cat --> Slips away quietly and quickly throws up on Mitch's carpet.
You should message me if
- you enjoy laughing, and think you can make me laugh.
- you like trying new food, and you like to eat healthy nutritious food most of the time, and terrible greasy meaty food some of the time.
- you are Natalie Imbruglia circa 1997 (or, let's be honest, circa anytime).
- you want to talk about why Shakespeare is the smartest person on the list.
- you are: ambitious, intelligent, curious, creative, happy.
- you have an interesting historical factoid to share.
- you think you can beat me in chess.
- idea for first date: I will bring a container of homemade mashed potatoes, you will bring a container of homemade mashed potatoes. There are no restrictions as to the type of mashed potatoes. Meet in a park, sample the mashed potatoes, rate the potatoes on a number of criteria.
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