Let me start by saying I am mature enough to know that the wrong one is far worse than no one, and hopeful enough to know that there is one – somewhere. So, that being said, let’s you and I explore, shall we?
This is a dating site (I know, right?) So, presumably, we’re all here for basically the same thing: companionship. Some people dress their version differently than others but it all pretty much boils down to finding a connection with someone else. In order to do that we have to sow and then cultivate relationships with our fellow daters in the hopes of finding people with whom we can establish that connection.
***SPOILER ALERT*** For those of you whose idea of ‘dating’ ends here, the next profile just called and wants to know what’s taking you so long.
Now this is not my first rodeo (which might account for the ‘rode hard, put away wet’ look) but I’ve learned a few things as I’ve gone around the block - like the ever-confusing double-speak of dating responses. For example:
“Sometime next week” really means “Never”
“I’m really busy right now” really means “Never, ever”
“Thanks” really means “I’m not interested but I’m too nice to tell you I’m not interested”
“:)” really means “I’ve acknowledged your message now don’t ever message me again”
It’s all horribly confusing for the generally linear brains most men possess and I’m sure contributes to a great deal of miscommunication and many awkward situations. Keep in mind, men are genetically predisposed toward stupidity and have some very basic social strictures hardwired into their systems.
There are three kinds of women in a man’s life: the kind of woman he would have nothing to do with, the kind he would have a physical relationship with, and the kind he could have an emotional relationship with. Each can exist separately but the trick is to find one that can be both of the last two together: that would be a spiritual relationship.
Now, the next step is to meet. Yes, dear – in person. I know that’s scary and I know your mom and your best friend have at least 38 very good reasons why you shouldn’t but I’m going to let you in on a little secret: you should! It’s fun, it’s exciting, it’s invigorating, and it’s the first step toward finding that elusive connection.
Now, that being said… I’m fun, I’m funny, I’m edgy, I’m brilliant – as in bright and smart – I’m compassionate and I have no half-naked bathroom mirror selfies or pictures with dead things anywhere on my profile. I’m creative – yet rational, can think both inside and outside the box on any given day, have no as yet diagnosed mental health disorders, have all my teeth – except my wisdom teeth and in hindsight, I probably should’ve kept those. I can start a fire in the rain without matches and am hell on wheels with power tools – very useful in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
I’m a gentleman and know when to open doors and pull out chairs – and when not to. I know when to run my fingers seductively through your hair and when to grab a handful and pull. I am passionate, I am well-versed, eloquent, and I am a firm believer in sensuality at its finest. I am a gentleman on demand and a caveman upon request.
I’m confidant (yes, and sometimes unintentionally arrogant – but if I want your opinion, I’ll tell it to you) and look absolutely fabulous in a tux. I am emotionally available, ever hopeful that I will find that connection with someone, and have absolutely no problem with the fact that my profile is in front of the next profile – even if it does. But I would say this: if you want to know me, chat with me for a bit and then let’s meet – this show is much better live.
Am I going to rock your world? Yes, absolutely – but probably not in the ways you’d expect.
What am I looking for? I’m looking for a woman who reads this and says, “Yes, please!”
Does that mean that I cannot have a meaningful and satisfying relationship with someone who is not all of this? Absolutely I can! Our lives are made up of relationships and experiences. Just because you aren’t all of the things I’m looking for doesn’t mean that we can’t provide value and satisfaction to one another in whatever kind of relationship we do have.
I understand that most women build relationships beginning with the emotional aspect and then move on to the physical. While I respect this, it seems inverted to me. Maybe that’s a male thing, maybe its just a me thing, I don’t know. What I do know is that it is easier for me to begin in the physical realm. I am enlivened by presence and touch; the depth of my physical experience unlocks the emotional possibilities. Yes, I understand this is backwards for most women. So, to find someone with whom I can meet somewhere in between has been my challenge. Does it have to be this way? The easy answer is ‘no’. Is it easier this way? For me, yes it is. I find that I communicate as much physically as I do verbally and to lack that aspect of communication is like trying to talk with a mouthful of food.
So, in closing, I’d like to thank all of you for coming – and staying – and I’d like to point out that regardless of what I said in the beginning, this IS better than planting my ass on a bars tool every night or stalking women in the produce section of the market.