I am here for the bitches. If you are a bitch, you are compelled to message me immediately. If you lack a Y chromosome, get to messaging me right now. I am exactly what every woman needs in her life, so if you don't message me, you can't possibly be female. I don't care if you're not into dudes, you still need me. I can tell you're scoffing at this, but denial isn't a pretty thing. Get over yourself and just message me your number so we can go out and I can make you buy me a lot of booze. I will get drunk, hit on every other woman in the bar, buying them drinks with your money, then drag you back to my apartment where we will copulate. I will definitely get off. I could care less if you do. Female orgasm is a myth anyway. Why the hell are you still reading this? Gimme your digits!

I am coming over to your apartment, being an asshole to your roommates, eating all your food, and locking your pets in another room because I hate animals.

Making women feel terrible about themselves.

How goddamn fly I am.

Fuck reading.

Bitches
Bitches
Bitches
Gin
Bitches
Tecate

How to make women dependent on me, and how else to psychologically torture them.

Like any night, I am drunk, off my meds, screaming obscenities at innocent people for perceived slights, and picking fights with homeless people.

I will probably give you an STD. There's a new one every week.

There is no "if". Message me now, woman.

Or if you like it when anal happens without warning.