Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am here for the bitches. If you are a bitch, you are compelled to
message me immediately. If you lack a Y chromosome, get to
messaging me right now. I am exactly what every woman needs in her
life, so if you don't message me, you can't possibly be female. I
don't care if you're not into dudes, you still need me. I can tell
you're scoffing at this, but denial isn't a pretty thing. Get over
yourself and just message me your number so we can go out and I can
make you buy me a lot of booze. I will get drunk, hit on every
other woman in the bar, buying them drinks with your money, then
drag you back to my apartment where we will copulate. I will
definitely get off. I could care less if you do. Female orgasm is a
myth anyway. Why the hell are you still reading this? Gimme your
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I am coming over to your apartment, being an asshole to your
roommates, eating all your food, and locking your pets in another
room because I hate animals.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Making women feel terrible about themselves.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How to make women dependent on me, and how else to psychologically
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Like any night, I am drunk, off my meds, screaming obscenities at
innocent people for perceived slights, and picking fights with
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I will probably give you an STD. There's a new one every week.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
There is no "if". Message me now, woman.
Or if you like it when anal happens without warning.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.