This is always very difficult. How is one supposed to summarize one's self in a self summary? Wouldn't that seem self-summarizing to the point of vain categorization and summarization? Wow, this is really difficult.
***UPDATE: I am now looking for activity partners because I caught so much shit for saying casual sex partners. So please bear with me while I clarify what I mean by "activities". Activities are exclusive of everything other than you and me and possibly several of your hot bi female friends drunk and naked. Thx.
You'd be insane to date me, but insanity is such a common condition, and you are definitely a lunatic, so we should just get it over with.
Also, please note: if you send me hate mail or subject me to an angry IM tirade because of a comment I made in my journal or on yours, there is a strong possibility I will post it (unless it's boring or you're right).

I am trite and jaded, boring and confiscated.

In the bright blue sky, feathered spectres fly

(Win a dream date with imbtween if you can name that tune.

(R.I.P. GunnorSmart)

I'm really good at sex (solo of course!). Flatpicking? Target and skeet shooting, starting fires, picking the next song, raising my kids, fixing computers, playing bass, and inviting people to bizarre gatherings. All this and making sure the TP is spooled properly. Can you believe it? And I'm just one man (with multiple personalities?)! (the one section of my profile that is a True Story) And also Westward 4 (I'm actually not, I'm just saying that publicly for a friend who really is but is hideously embarrassed by this fact and won't put it in her own profile. (If you guess who it is you win a pecan pie prepared by StarofMorning. If you can talk her into making it for you, I couldn't.)

We're right, we're free, we'll fight, you'll see.
My ever-present attorney? My beautiful blond hair? My freakishly imposing presence? My perfect jail butt? My razor thin eyebrows? Could be all those and more, eh?

EDIT: someone said I'm hilarious, but that is a total lie. I'm not funny at all, it's just that unfortunate things happen to me that make other people laugh. If you think I'm funny, you need professional help. Contact WonderWomanC for more information.

She charges by the minute and clothing is optional (yours and hers).

Who has time for books and movies when you have such a vast gun collection? I'm at the range, or on maneuvers with my volunteer paramilitary organization.
itunes library: mostly ska, punk, hardcore, irish, given that I've played in, at various times, ska-punk, hardcore and irish bands.
Food: Indian
Fuel: good beer

There are no six things I could never do without, beside the obvious air, water, food, jadedone22's journal and shelter. Nothing else really matters because I have no attachment to material things.

Oh yeah, and GunnorSmart, sorry I left her off before. Seriously babe, I <3 U. (may you rest in peace)

I have a cartoon taped to my monitor that shows the earth sitting on an exam table and the Dr. saying: "The bad news is you've got advanced-stage humans. The good news is they've just about run their course and you should be on the mend soon." Indeed.

how a nozzle is a type of regulation. It's how I won my Nobel Peace Prize.

Also noodz. ATTENTION WOMENZ: SEND NOODZ NAO. THANKS.

In occhamsstiletta's boudoir after having escaped from oddball72's basement. Don't ask for details, I may need to do it again if I get caught. When she does let me out for a few hours, I'm singing karaoke. What else do washed up old rockers do?

oy vey es mir, oder shabbbas shalom!

I'm not 5'1", and my brother (who lives in Queens) was recently diagnosed with swine flu, and I was totally jealous. Also, I suffer from a condition known as micropenis. I thought we should get that out of the way up front.

I wouldn't call it "suffering". It's more along the lines of "good for business". Ladies, email me, CalleighDuquesne, for $5 micropeen rides. Or 3 for $12. Act now!

I know it takes 42 muscles to frown and seven to smile, however. I was taught in the Marines that it only takes 3 muscles to properly squeeze a trigger, so I'm working on that. I am recently disabled due to a injury I received at work. I can walk and what-not, but my previously active lifestyle is definitively cut back quite a bit. (borrowed from sensual_Dom7 cause he knows the deal.)

I am not single, I am in fact married to koshershrimp and 2school4cool is my newly secondary partner. But they turn a blind eye to my philandering, because I am funding their studies in expensive London and New York. It works for the three of us.

My join date is Martober 86. Between day and night.

you can answer the following question:
Your resume suggests that you may be over-qualified or too experienced for this position. What's your opinion?

Do not message me unless you understand that our EVERY date shall include oddball72, GunnorSmart, WonderWomanC, jadedone22, CalleighDuquesne, brande, driada, 2school4cool and any number of other random women in Brande's hot tub. Bring lots of beer and snacks.