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intoxipolitan

28 F Seattle, WA

My Details

Last Online
Jul 29
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Height
5′ 1″ (1.55m)
Body Type
Curvy
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
When drinking
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Working on space camp
Job
Art / Music / Writing
Income
Relationship Status
Married
Relationship Type
Monogamous
Offspring
Has kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English, French (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Ahoy there!
I'm the unexpected, I believe you were expecting me?

I am a female human, city girl, and sophisticated lady. An internet junkie, above-average Huckleberry Hound, Jungian ENTP, whimsical gnome, bee's knees, secret basketcase? etc. My major interests include arts, sciences, and other things, and I'm a total sucker for all matters passionate, creative and witty. I'm also notably engaging, spontaneous, and enthusiastic! And usually pleased in vast excess by silly things, like kitsch, puns, pop culture references, and general nonsense.

I've met very few people who are truly boring, but they exist. So you're maybe never going to understand me if you're not, on any level, some sort of starry eyed, originatively inclined half-fox-half-human, if you know what I mean. (Incidentally, my husband and I met through this site, and then eloped in Vegas.)

Wait don't go!!! If you want to sail on the S.S. Friendship, toot toot. Seriously. If not, what is your problem? Why is everything always about sex with you?

We could high five, drink all of the drinks, sing power ballads, laugh obnoxiously, and cheer really loudly when we beat Turtles in Time. But I get to be Raphael, he was my first crush. We have a long-standing thing going. I like turtles.

If you're a special lady, check out my adorable, single male buddy wheniwascruel. Double-dates!

If I sound intimidating somehow, rest assured okcupid tells me my personality is much more arrogant (read: exaggerated sense of self) than most other women!! Booooooo. It also says I'm super unkind. Wow! More slanderous lies. Way to be rude, guys. I thought we were cool.

Would an arrogant, unkind person have baaaaked yooou these delicious COOOOOOKIIIIIESSS??? No way! And I'll even go ahead and eat them for you, so you don't have to deal with the calories! You're welcome. :)
What I’m doing with my life
By night, I'm a writer, painter, and mixed media artist. I also host a podcast about nerd culture with my delightfully nerdier sister and brother, and we're working on a new dystopian comedy project involving Barbie actors. Don't ask. By day I do boring computer work from home, in my pajamas. I also mold children in my image and do a lot of complicated cookery. I often speak vaguely of lofty goals and intentions to finish multiple projects, and an array of other endeavors, errands, tasks, thoughts, sentences,

Down the line, I want to do something in the realm of teaching, get involved in the community, maybe even become a politician. Definitely a crotchety writer, with a grody bong in an attic full of books. Ultimately, a pot-stirring philanthropist socialite, the kind of individual who pours fine Scotch out of crystal bottles in a wood paneled study, whom people look back on with infographics, misattributed quotes, and mass-produced t-shirts. Possibly get a federal holiday, so people can be all like "Yay, that little lady dedicated her life to humanitarianism and by George it's given me a chance to go mow my lawn," or whatever.

We're looking to embark on an epic journey involving Dungeons and occasionally Dragons and certainly shapely dice. My character is a beautifully rolled Eladrin wizard, but that's as far as I've come. So yep, there's that... this is awkward.
I’m really good at
innuendo, wordplay, waxing poetic, musing, playing devil's advocate, trolling, aiming, carnival games, snake charming, soothing savage beasts, creatively arranging art and furniture, cooking everyone into food comas, remembering all the lyrics to terrible songs, and noticing little things other people didn't.
The first things people usually notice about me
There's a large horn growing out of my forehead, which can't be photographed by cameras from this time period.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
BOOKS
Dreamboats include Anthony Burgess, Roald Dahl, Hunter S. Thompson, Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, Kurt Vonnegut, Carl Sagan, George Orwell, blah blah blah, essentially anybody who's spent a lot of time stoned in coffee shops. I'm working on those lil' old George R. R. Martin stories right now.
Novels, biographies, history, social studies, biology, sometimes astrosciences. Collect cookbooks, hoard magazines.

MOVIES
Comedies, nerdy nerd things, very good movies, VERY bad movies, or anything that can be described as "cheesy" and/or "80s."
A few tip-tops: Better Off Dead, They Live, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Room. The real list is super long.
(See also: John Cusack, Bill Murray, Jack Nicholson, George Clooney, Kevin Spacey)

TV SHOWS
Most funny things, most British things, most nerdy things. I've always proclaimed my favorite show of all time to be Sifl & Olly. But also Star Trek TNG, Doctor Who, X-Files, Black Books, Green Wing, The Office (UK), Parks & Rec, The IT Crowd, Spaced, Sherlock, Firefly, Deadwood, Arrested Development, Game of Thrones, Sopranos, Dexter, Adventure Time, Unsolved Mysteries, Workaholics, Psych, Flight of the Conchords, Community, 30Rock, Elementary, Comedy Bang! Bang!, Justified, Jeselnik Offensive, Drunk History, Colbert Report, Daily Show, @midnight, and more!!!!!!!!!

MUSIC
I usually listen to a lot of 60s/70s/80s, classic rock, folk, soul, classic r&b, doo-wop, classic country, hip hop, glam, new wave, punk, indie, etc. I'm a celebrated jukebox DJ, and I like extraordinarily eclectic Pandora/Songza playlists (what up Jock Jamz). I rarely pay any attention to what or whom is topping charts, especially in terms of modern commercial pop/rap/country, but my musical appetite is boundless.
I've always got a new flavor of the week, so I'm not sure who my "favorite band" is. My go-to answers are Tom Waits, because I sort of worship him, and The Clash, because they're The Clash, but that doesn't really reflect on the rest of my tastes. For example, I really love this band from Philly called The Teeth (who have now renamed themselves Purples), Say Hi, Man Man and everything Honus Honus touches for years now. I'm an ex Cursive fanatic and eternal Tim Kasher worshipper. I always seem to have Elvis Perkins on rotation, and Electric Light Orchestra makes me feel like I'm SO high even if I'm only KIND OF high.
Most of my friends are musicians, and I married a drummer. I sing and play keyboard, but I'm stupid-shy, so I'll probably never show you my finished music... But get a few drinks in me and I'll definitely sing karaoke at you. Let's do it! LET'S DUET!

FOOD
I live for all noms, and drinks, from all over the world, in every way, at all times. I'm an oddly gifted baker, too. Food food food food. Food. I looooove cooking indulgent, elaborate meals. I could really go on about all that, but for now I shall spare you, mortal.

OTHER
Performance art is pretty fuckin' great. Big Vegas shows, theater, the occasional musical or cabaret, and I secretly adore poetry slams. I'm also big into stand-up! Patton Oswalt, Doug Benson, Mitch Hedburg, Eugene Mirman, Kumail Nanjiani, Ron Funches, <3!
The six things I could never do without
oh six things? Okay. Rebellion, the internet, zany shenanigans, beverages, good company, baaaad company until the day I die, laser eyes, invisibility cloaks, invisibility potions, debauchery, enlightenment, truth, justice, sandwiches, pens, lists, my beloved, our beloveds, coffee, tea, espresso, Earl Grey hot, Earl Grey cold, useless trivia, *narwhals*, movies, x-acto knives, olives, making and listening to music, unicorns, creative writing, acrylic paint, thrift stores, old stuff, hoarding weird junk, mixed media, arts & crafts, mixology, really old magazines, cooking, baking, culinary arts, cowboys, dinosaurs, bars full of people who know all the words to songs, robots, friendships, battleships, space, time, space/time, video games, especially RPGs and FPSs, crackers, pixels, animals wearing costumes, animals wearing costumes of other animals, magic herbs, magic beans, Jane Child's hair, and numbers higher than six! Don't tell me how to live my life!!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
highly unlikely situations, little details, the big picture, and What Would Neil Patrick Harris Do?
On a typical Friday night I am
marinating in several things that start with the letter W.
I'm more of a Saturday person.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
eyes. (clap!)
They're watching you! (clap clap!)
They see your evvvv-eryyyy moooove
I’m looking for
  • Everybody
  • Ages 24–40
  • Near me
  • For new friends
You should message me if
you are fun, and/or exceptionally flawed. I happen to like flaws, and can assure you I'm riddled with them. And riddles.

Or am I?