Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


29 Seattle, WA Woman


I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 24–40
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My Details

Last Online
Jan 22
5′ 1″ (1.55m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
When drinking
Atheism, and laughing about it
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Working on space camp
Art / Music / Writing
Has kids
Likes dogs and has cats
English, French (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I was created in the 80s, originally as a computer simulation, by two unpopular teenage boys seeking social interaction with women. Entirely by accident, a winning combination of cutting edge Air Force technology and a freak electrical storm caused me to come to real-life fruition. Needless to say, I have magic powers and a talking cat, but I could've sworn he was a dog at some point.

What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I enjoy wanton abandon of sensible choices, secretly writing fiction and songs, general emotional rollercoasting, cooking, pouring fine Scotch out of crystal bottles in mahogany paneled offices for rich men who are smoking cigars and offering me more diamonds and more furs and I just softly laugh because I am a lady and obviously I've just poisoned them, beating hordes of rats with nail-riddled sticks, and painting.

Married. Six (seven?) kids, and always looking for more. So keep your doors and windows locked!

I no longer train (endangered) albino cave newts to perform in the traveling circus, please stop contacting me about them.
There was a fire.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
never ever leaving a fucking TRACE of evidence.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
There's a large horn growing out of my forehead, which can't be photographed by cameras from this time period. Photo is a simulation. Contrary to popular belief, it's actually a tooth!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Satan, Hitler, Stalin, Anthony Burgess, Roald Dahl, Hunter S. Thompson, Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk, Kurt Vonnegut, Carl Sagan, George Orwell, George R. R. Martin, nonfiction, etc.

Better Off Dead, They Live, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, many many many more, see also: John Cusack, Bill Murray, Jack Nicholson, George Clooney, Kevin Spacey, etc. etc.

Sifl & Olly, Star Trek TNG, Doctor Who, X-Files, Black Books, Green Wing, Parks & Rec, The IT Crowd, Sherlock, Game of Thrones, Sopranos, Unsolved Mysteries, etc. etc. etc.

Tom Waits, The Clash, Electric Light Orchestra, Elvis Perkins, Spoon, The Teeth, Purples, Man Man, Violent Femmes, Elvis Costello, The Cars, Pixies, Glen Hansard, Rilo Kiley, David Bowie, Queen, Beatles, George Harrison, Jeff Lynne, Roy Orbison, Chrissy Amphlett, Chris Isaak, Mirah, Desaparecidos, Jenny Lewis, Rilo Kiley, all things Tim Kasher, etc. etc. etc. etc.

Cumin, smoked paprika, nutmeg, gluten, cheese. Breakfast food. Bald eagles. Parsley, zucchini, carnitas, curry, cinnamon. Your blood. Butter. Pets. Your mother's butt.

Earthbound! You know, and Tetris, Oblivion, Skyrim, Link's Awakening, Fallout 3, Fable 2 and really anything from Lionhead, Diddy Kong Racing, Donkey Kong Country 2, Link to the Past, Ocarina of Time, Dr. Mario, Secret of Mana, Illusion of Gaia, Starfox, Sims, Super Smash Bros., Mario Paint, Mario 64, Super Mario World, Aerobiz, and The Lawnmower Man. So many more. I'm very pale.

Patton Oswalt, Doug Benson Mitch Hedberg, Eugene Mirman, Kumail Nanjiani, Ron Funches, Bill Hicks, George Carlin, Zach Galifianakis, Reggie Watts, Nick Offerman, Amy Poehler, Aziz Ansari, Brian Posehn, Paul F. Tompkins, David Cross, Donald Glover, Judah Friedlander, Craig Robinson, Jonah Ray, Louis C.K., Ricky Gervais, John Oliver, Katt Williams, whatever. These are comedians.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
laser eyes, invisibility cloak, sandwiches, pens, lists, really old magazines, battleships, space, time, space/time, crackers, pixels, animals wearing costumes, animals wearing costumes of other animals specifically, mystic herbs, potions, Jane Child's hair, microwaves (not the appliance but the actual waves themselves, they're what's keeping me alive)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
eyes. (clap!)
They're watching you! (clap clap!)
They see your evvvv-eryyyy moooove
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you are a ghost, goblin, or ghoul.