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ipadude

47 M Chicago, IL

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 29–75
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Sep 19
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Height
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly other
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Sign
Education
Working on university
Job
Technology
Income
$100,000–$150,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Has a kid, but doesn’t want more
Pets
Speaks
English

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Summing up a life in a few sentences can be daunting. So I won't try. I feel better already. Instead, I'll summarize random things that occurred this week. Had a bagel with cream cheese yesterday. The cream cheese may have been past its prime but I ate it anyway. I ordered Indian food from Grubhub and fell asleep before my order arrived. I bet that Vind Aloo would have woke me but good. I yelled out "Pow Now Brown Cow!" while doing the dishes today.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm mostly spending it on the CTA and Metra. This is intensely depressing. I might get a car, but I find them to be intensely depressing. To combat this depression I get frequent haircuts and eat bamboo shoots.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Yogurt. I used to spit it out and yell "Aw that sucks!" Now I just nod and grimace a lot.

I can tell a Shaker from a Quaker.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My hair, I think. The last person who saw me said "Hey big-nose, don't ya own a comb?"
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Favorite book: Hop on Pop
Favorite song: Afternoon Delight
Favorite movie: Breakin' II (Electric Boogaloo)
Favorite show: Mass for Shut-Ins
Favorite food: Pudding

A haiku about pudding:

Butterscotch pudding
Looks a little bit like barf
But I still eat it
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Angina, Phlebitis, Whooping cough,

Hold on, I think I'm doing this one wrong...
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Pudding.

I now give you:

A parable about pudding.

A man sits at his table and contemplates his pudding. He thinks to himself - "I have pudding, and that is good!"
He considers eating his pudding. "To eat this pudding would be good, but then I would have no pudding."
Just then the rodent comes in. He climbs on to the table. He ascends the 8 tiny steps to a miniature diving board that just happens to be positioned directly above the pudding.
He collects himself and executes a perfect half-gainer. He lands in the pudding with nary a splash. The rodent swims to the surface and says - "I have befouled your pudding. Now you have no pudding, nor did you eat any pudding. You're a stupid old man."

The end.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Hosing all the blood off myself
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm thinking about trying out Depends. You know, for those Netflix TV watching binges.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you're interested in sharing an ablution.