A conversation elsewhere has me thinking about my absolute deal-breakers when it comes to non-monogamous relationships. So, for fun, I thought I'd list them. Standard disclaimers apply, this is what works for me, not for everyone, my needs are not the same as yours, yadda yadda yadda.

I should also note, to stave off the inevitable questions, it stands to reason that anything I ask for in a relationship I will give back in kind, and anything I’m unwilling to accept, I wouldn’t ask another person to accept. My first law of all relationships is, “double standards are for their birds.”

1. Your SO refuses to meet me
Nope, sorry. If we're going to share, they have to be adult enough to be able to shake my hand, look me in the eye, and smile. If they're not comfortable enough with the arrangement to be presented with direct evidence that their partner is screwing someone else, there are deeper issues. DADT relationships are strictly verboten in my book.

2. You have non-safety related limits on sex acts.
I'm willing to agree to any kind of reasonable safer sex practices, but limiting positions, types of sex, etc as "reserved" for one partner is inorganic, annoying and impractical. I'm not down.

3. You want veto power anytime soon
My boyfriend has veto power. You’re unlikely to get it, but if you do, it’ll be because I say, “I’m cool with you having veto power.” If that happens, it won’t be until after our relationship has gotten pretty serious and passed its first aniversary.

4. You can’t do sleepovers
Spending the night together doesn’t have to happen right away or all the time, but I want it on the table. Waking up together is intimate and I want to be able to do that with any partner I have. I get that it’s logistically complicated if you cohabit, but it has to be a possibility.

5. Your OSO feels the need to assert their “primacy” over me
Obviously all relationships find their own level, your ten year partnership with your spouse or partner has enormous history and should come first in your heart. I have no objections to that, what I do object to is any sort of weird bullshit designed to “keep me in my place.” If your partner is that concerned with being the “alpha dog” it’s just not going to work out well.

6. You want to impose limits on my pre-existing relationships
Sorry, no, those relationships have been negotiated and are happy and healthy, putting restrictions on them is not an available option to you. If you're uncomfortable with something, feel free to tell me about it, but you don't get to make the rules for a game that was started before you showed up.

7. Your significant other really doesn't like me/tried to veto me
I don't want to be the sore spot in your relationship. Neutral is fine, positive is better, negative is right out.

8. You do not have clear lines of communication with your OSOs
If you're not able to keep them in the loop, you're not going to keep me in the loop. Also, relationships require good communication to be successful, I'm not of the 'share absolutely every little thought that crosses your mind' school, but information has to be flowing in order to keep the wheels greased.

9. You don't have clear, definite safer sex practices
I'll admit right here that I'm a moderate when it comes to safer sex. I believe in condoms, I believe in getting tested, dental dams and latex gloves seem excessive to me in most cases. However, if you do not have clear safer sex practices that you can define for me, that's a big red flag right there.

10. You or your OSO has any restriction that sounds seriously whackadoo
This is sort of a catch-all, but anyone who has seen the infamous platypus contract knows what I'm talking about. If you're getting incredibly weird or specific with your restrictions and rules, it's probably because you haven't gotten comfortable with the idea of polyamory, and you're seeking ways to protect yourself from feeling threatened. I can understand the instinct, but I don't think it's productive, so I'm not along for the ride.

Those are the top ten, I'm sure there are other much more specific deal-breakers that only come up once and a while, but those are all the biggies. Sound off, non-monogamous types, what are your deal-breakers?