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ipsafictura
31 / F / bisexual / Available
Mountain View, California
Her journal posts
Why I Don't Want To Date Monogamous People
So, this is a principle I've had to explain enough times that I
feel like an explanation is in order. Some non-monogamous people
are hip to dating people who are monogamous, as long as they don't
mind other partners. I'll get into why that is in a second, but
first I'll start with the things that -aren't- the reason.
I don't think that monogamous people are unable to handle dating a non-monogamous person, or that they're incapable of gauging their own response. I don't think non-monogamous people are more enlightened, more comfortable with themselves, more sex-positive or anything else of the kind. I don't think that people who are monogamous are restrictive or anything else moronic like that. Non-monogamous people like non-monogamy, monogamous people don't, any other judgments are made individually.
So, as for the reasons!
First, there's parity of time. I'm involved with other people, that's going to be true all the time. I have a certain amount of time in my life for another partner and barring people who are really, really busy, it probably won't be a good match for someone who doesn't have another romantic partner. This one would be flexible if the partner were, in fact, really really busy.
Then, there's needs and goals. Most monogamous people would ideally like to find a partner that they can get serious (and exclusive) about, perhaps live with and marry. If your relationship goals include something I'm incompatible with, why date me? What it means is that I am filling time until you find someone who actually fits your needs and I'm enough of a romantic to find that depressing. This is not really a problem in the case of an umfriend, but for anything more serious it means the relationship has a built in expiration date, and that's not really very awesome.
So, I could date a monogamous person who was very busy and didn't ever want to settle down with anyone, but that's a pretty small segment of the population. If you meet that guy or girl, hey, send them my way, but for now I'm sticking to the other non-monogamous types.
I don't think that monogamous people are unable to handle dating a non-monogamous person, or that they're incapable of gauging their own response. I don't think non-monogamous people are more enlightened, more comfortable with themselves, more sex-positive or anything else of the kind. I don't think that people who are monogamous are restrictive or anything else moronic like that. Non-monogamous people like non-monogamy, monogamous people don't, any other judgments are made individually.
So, as for the reasons!
First, there's parity of time. I'm involved with other people, that's going to be true all the time. I have a certain amount of time in my life for another partner and barring people who are really, really busy, it probably won't be a good match for someone who doesn't have another romantic partner. This one would be flexible if the partner were, in fact, really really busy.
Then, there's needs and goals. Most monogamous people would ideally like to find a partner that they can get serious (and exclusive) about, perhaps live with and marry. If your relationship goals include something I'm incompatible with, why date me? What it means is that I am filling time until you find someone who actually fits your needs and I'm enough of a romantic to find that depressing. This is not really a problem in the case of an umfriend, but for anything more serious it means the relationship has a built in expiration date, and that's not really very awesome.
So, I could date a monogamous person who was very busy and didn't ever want to settle down with anyone, but that's a pretty small segment of the population. If you meet that guy or girl, hey, send them my way, but for now I'm sticking to the other non-monogamous types.
I think there are plenty of people that are like that. The key is
just realizing that when they are done being busy, they may go
their own separate way. I assume though that you are ok with that
and know that it's a temporary thing more than likely.
A former user commented on
I think I'll just refer those monogamous people interested me to
this post. *grins*
RundesNettes commented on
