Occasionally, I see people complaining about stupid/irritating contact they receive on OKCupid. God knows, I get my share. Some of them, no doubt, are uninterested in not being stupid or irritating. Some of them, I assume, are attempting to attract a kind of woman I am not, and so while it doesn't work on me, it does work on their target audience. I am certain, however, that some of them must just be inadvertently fucking up.

So I said to myself, 'self' says I, 'perhaps they'd like some advice?' And it seemed like a good idea, so I thought I'd write down some suggestions on how to make a good impression on me, and women who are at least generally similar to me. Of course, there are certainly plenty of women for whom these statements are not true, though I'll try to be as general as possible. Since OkCupid is primarily a dating site, this is focused on contact which involves some level of romantic or sexual interest, but nearly everything here applies to platonic contact as well. Ladies (or indeed gents) who read my journal, feel free to chime in with your opinion on things to be done or not done.

1. Reconsider the IM button.
I keep my IM turned on because I chat with some people occasionally, but I really prefer initial contact via email. It gives me a chance to read your profile and answer when I'm actually ready to do so, rather than forcing me to make a snap judgment on whether you're worth talking to which will frequently not work in your favor.

2. Keep it in your pants.
Unless you're looking for a sex partner exclusively, leave sexual content out of the first contact. It will create a bad impression with a lot of women, and those who don't care probably won't be disappointed at the lack.

3. Let moderation be your watchword.
It's good to comment on some stuff in my profile. It is not good to comment on EVERYTHING in my profile. It's overwhelming, and a little stalkery. Pick out a few subjects of interest and talk about them, say a little about yourself or introduce an interesting subject. Say more than a sentence or two, but also watch your length. The initial message is not the time to say every last thing you can think of. Hopefully, there will be some back and forth, save a bit for the next email.

4. Proofread.
Not everyone is a language geek. I'm not saying you have to be perfect, but run a quick spell check and read through what you've written to check for any glaring errors. You can look poorly educated when the truth is simply that you were rushed.

5. Please don't self-aggrandize.
Look, don't tell me you're deep, or smart or insightful or cool, evidence it. You look egotistical when you rattle off a bunch of complimentary self-descriptors and if anything I'm less inclined to believe it.

6. For that matter, don't flatter.
It's fine to say something nice about me, but make sure you have more content in your email than just compliments. Otherwise you're not inviting any response other than a thank you. Also, seriously, it's fine if you want to tell me I'm pretty, but only say it once and don't make it the focus of your email.

7. Slow down, tiger.
Please don't ask me on a date in the first email. Or ask for my personal email, or any other personal contact information. Even if I would generally be well disposed towards you, I will not accept a date offer from someone I have not so much as exchanged a few emails with. If I wanted to do that, I could get set up on blind dates. Asking for my personal contact information right off just puts me in the position of refusing you.

8. You're contacting me, you can't play hard to get.
I had a guy email me recently, and the bulk of his email was about why he almost didn't email me because I seemed brash and off-putting. Dude, what? I don't expect you to flatter my ego, but isn't that a little silly? It just seems disingenuous and like you're trying too hard not to look desperate. Interesting note, same guy also broke number 7 and 5. Sort of all over the map, that one.

That's everything I can think of quickly, and this post is already way too long. Weigh in, hapless victims of my opiniondom!