Lately, I find myself missing women as lovers. It's been a while, and I'm lonely for ladyparts and ladyattentions. The men in my life are solid gold awesome, but they're just not the same as a girl.

I don't pursue women very often, because I feel shy when doing it and because I'm worried about a certain perception issue. So, since I'm probably going to approach some women, I thought I would address the perception issue here. That way, women I contact on OKCupid can read what I'm all about up front, and not have to wonder. So here's my disclaimer:

I'm not in the market for an HBB.

For those not in the know, HBB is a popular acronym in polyamorous circles (it means Hot Bi Babe). When used, it suggests young, good-looking bisexual women who are often the targets of couples looking to liven up their sex lives. This is very popular among non-mongamous couples of all types. It's popular enough that many poly bisexuals and lesbians are hesitant in the extreme about getting involved with women who have a primary male partner.

I'm not going to make sweeping generalizations about couples who are looking for an HBB, I think plenty of them mean perfectly well and I can't pretend to know what's going on in the heads of theoretical strangers. What I can do is emphatically state that I am not that girl.

I'll be frank, I've participated in group sex. It's okay, but truthfully it's not my bag. Like pistachio ice cream, it's not something I seek out, or often crave. It's one of those things that seems more fun in theory than it does in practice. I like to focus on my partner, I like to lose myself in the sensation of them, and maintaining that intimacy and focus when my attention is split between multiple people just isn't very practical. Call me boring if you will, it just doesn't tickle my fancy.

Similarly, I don't want to be romantically entangled as part of a unit. My husband and I (and ditto my boyfriend and I) don't really share the same taste in women (with some notable overlap) and we're not one mind or one life. The kind of girl I would and will seek out isn't the kind he would seek out, and why should either of us compromise?

So, let's be very clear on this, women of OKCupid. If I emailed you, I'm approaching you as a single individual, not part of a unit. There's a lot of bait and switch going on out there, or women saying that they're looking to date another woman but of course the ideal situation is someone who wants to date her schmoopy-pants as well. That's not what I'm selling here. The theoretical you + the definite me is the end goal, not a stepping stone to fulfilling a male fantasy. I'll never ask you to let someone watch and I'll never treat you like a sex toy or a prop (you know, unless that's your fantasy).

There you have it. Now all I have to do is find a girl I want to date.