You wouldn't be reading this without looking at my pics first. Did you notice I have my shirt on in all my photos, and none of them involve me posing with guns, cars, or a wad of dollar bills? Furthermore, I have never called a girl a bitch or ho while not singing a rap song. I also just correctly used the word "furthermore." I use complete sentences when I write things, EVEN TEXTS. I legitimately prefer woman without makeup (I know and appreciate you try to get the natural looking make-up, but I can tell). I don't give a fuck about cars or sports. NOT. ONE. FUCK. If I ever have a daughter she will not own a Barbie under any circumstances. Most models and actresses look either plastic or unhealthy to me , not attractive. I think cheating is a really shitty thing to do to another person, so I've never done it. Ever. Really. I've also, upon realizing I'm not really that into the person I've been seeing, have immediately ended it instead of waiting around and enjoying the easy sex at the expense of her emotions. Oh, and I broke up with her in person not with a text like a chump. I think smartphones are causing a lack of real communication in our lives so I don't have one. If I ever get married I think it'd be weird if the girl took my last name, I wouldn't want to give up my last name, it seems unfair. I won't have sex on the first date even if the girl is incredibly attractive, wants to, and initiates it. Rushing into sex screws things up everytime and I can tell my penis "No. Bad penis. Down boy." I do it all the time and it isn't as hard as guys make it out to be. Blue balls is a myth guys made up to get laid more. I think being a stay-at-home Dad would be awesome and would have no bearing on my pride whatsoever. I like talking about feelings. I am reminded almost every day of the ridiculous extent of privilege I enjoy as a white man. I am not proud of it but I would never deny it. I haven't owned an Xbox since I was 17. I have never failed to both provide condoms and be the one to initiate the use of one. I don't understand Fantasy Sports Leagues. Just no idea at all. I have been to multiple gay bars and have had a great time at each one. I have a library card and use it frequently.
That is my very long-winded way of saying I am not like most guys in all the best of ways. Unless of course you are looking for a collar-flipping, traditional gender-role having, subservient 1950's housewife-wanting, often-cheating, hyper-masculine- six-pack-havin-douchebag. Of course that however begs the question why are you reading profiles when you could have just responded to one of the 10 messages you probably get like every day that both begin and end with "Nice tits" or " Wanna cum over my place tonite lol" or "'Sup beuatifull, it's ladeez nite at [insert random name of place on The Landing], you wanna get dranks babee?!?!" Just send him a picture of your tits and your number, no words, he will understand and you will start a beautiful three month relationship I have no doubt!
Along with the lack of abs and guns you may notice not all of my pictures are super flattering because the point of this is to meet in real life eventually and I don't want to do that and immediately seem a liar. That is what I actually look like for better or worse. Especially that last picture. Bounty hunting is hard work, but it's honest work and pays the bills ;)
What do I want from you? Well, I want a girl who likes me. That means she actually likes ME not a version of me she thinks she can mold me into over time. I want a girl who is genuine. I want a girl who can make me laugh uncontrollably (This is more sexy to me than you answering the door naked. Really, it is). I want a girl who wants to have his and her dogs that we treat like our furry children. I want a girl who is intelligent, not necessarily educated, but certainly well-read. I want a girl who would rather go on a camping trip than a shopping trip. I want a girl to be there for and who will be there for me. I want a girl who is sex-positive. I want a girl to hold hands with always. I want a girl who is infinitely more concerned with what she wants out of life than what other people think of her. I want a girl who I can look at say "Yes, that is the one I want to try and build a life with."
Damn. I'm impressed you're still reading this.
Anyway, I'm just your typical run-of-the-mill accidentally sarcastic darkly optimistic spiritualistic athiest psychological apprentice. So, I got that going for me.
In the rare , rare event that you are reading this because you are taking the initiative to contact guys instead of passively waiting with crossed fingers, THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I don't have the words, just, thanks! If you message me I promise I will do you the courtesy of replying back even if it just to say "Thanks for your message and for reading my long-ass profile but you are not really my type."