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irmerk

25 M Los Angeles, CA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 5:25am
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Skinny
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Very often
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Atheism, and very serious about it
Sign
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from two-year college
Job
Other
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Mostly non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), German (Poorly), Spanish (Okay), Sign Language (Poorly)

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My self-summary
I'd rather be tied up than tied down. Less hang ups, more hangovers. I try to live my dream rather than dream my life.

Let's get this over with at the beginning, all monosyllabic and shit. All the things I am: A straight man and straight woman. A gay boy and a gay girl. A queer bitch. A friend forever and ever, as well as an intense relationship. A homebody party animal. Don't ever assume with me, unless it's that I'm fun, smart, up for whatever, LOVE you if I even like you, and am GGG.

Also ew ew ew get the hell away from me all of you prudes and people who require a game of hide and seek in order to spend time with. Trying to meet or spend time with you people is like pulling a piano out of a pond.

Harro, I like terms of endearment, like 'batch' or 'little one', but 'princess' or 'slut' would work too! ^_^ Terms that I think apply to me are: queer, genderfluid, androgynous... Am I transgender or cisgender? I so confuse. I've always thought of myself as just me: a cute, sexual, fabulous person.

I'm an introverted social chameleon, a corporate hippie, a hopeless romantic with non-monogamous tendencies (I'm in an open relationship with myself), a logical daydreamer, a self preserving and modest cook, a queer, kinky and unrepentant slut. While this is a recipe for adventures to myself, I hope to find a great person or two (or three...) to be my crazy self with, amplifying the experience. 

I find a connection with a lot of people, and it's instant with most of them. It's like we're immediately best friends until proven otherwise. So sexuality comes easy for me with people, and it's usually not without emotional chemistry. And yeah, I'm polyglamorous!

Little treats are amazing. I love simple foods. Beers and partays. Also physical affection; hugs, cuddling, yada yada yada. I'm pretty flirty, fun, and naughty.

Most things are a joke, and not laughing is a waste. I used to care about changing things in the world, changing people. Then I realized I should just live life and have fun. Now I look for that all day erryday.

I'm a light packer, a good driver, and a wanderlust trip taker. So don't hesitate to ask! I can pull an all-nighter for just about any reason and as frequently as I wish, whether it's for a project, being the DD, or for cuddles.

I'm kind of a nerd, and love intellectual debates or conversations. My Myers-Briggs is IDGAF. I never danced until I was 21, and now I'm always in the mood.

http://ciccle.tumblr.com/ Have fun.

I don't take this site all too seriously, but then again I seriously need new friends.
What I’m doing with my life
I do whatever I want. If its something I'll regret in the morning, I just sleep late.

My new big goal: Create a fabulous entourage. I'm tired of being disappointed by square scenes in L.A. and having to settle. So I'll just have my own harem of awesome people, and we'll spice it all up! Are you in?

Hangin' and bangin'. Completed some university. Finished culinary school. Apprenticed a chef. Worked the line for a handful of years. Back to school for massage therapy. Making a little food blog (think cute naked twink chef and homemade healthy snacks!). Pursuing Thai massage, yoga training, and circus arts. I like being more in touch with my body. I love gogo dancing and stripping!

Being fabulous in nude, fetish, erotic modeling, and porn ^_^ Long live sex workers!

I consider myself a polymath/Renaissance man/generalist.

Looking for people to get into shenanigans with, create art, bake treats, go to events, or whatever - just have fun!
I’m really good at
Debating, improvising, having a critique of something. Pessimism is fun for me, and I enjoy raging over stupid things. People say I'm sassy.

Advice and being objective.

Navigating traffic, I'm so 1337.

Closing the tab on a sober/straightedge OkC profile.

Oh, and eating. I eat faster than anyone I know. I'll probably out drink (beer) you and finish eating twice as much in half the time. It's kind of disgusting.
The first things people usually notice about me
I am sarcastic and sassy. I also might look like I act maliciously with my friends, but I jest a lot.

Apparently I don't appear very grounded or sane to people.. Pfft, their loss.

My Adam's apple. Oh, and fuck John Heder.

I'm basically the physical embodiment of a butch lesbian and twink gay boy warring over a single body. Think butch lesbian. In a femme body. But with a dick. And a dick fetish.

I feel that I come off as shy, timid, dorky, and cheesy, but am told I come off as aggressive, assertive, nerdy, and funny.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: The Wheel of Time. Hur dur I read George Orwell, let me tell you about politics. But seriously, Calvin and Hobbes. Tom Robbins and Daniel Quinn were good when I was younger.

Tried to read Midnight Sun. Made it a few paragraphs, got tunnel vision and woke up with dried blood all over my face.

Movies: Almost Heroes, Brokeback Mountain, Dark Knight, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Fountain, Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Lost in Translation, Pi, Primer, There Will Be Blood, Tommy Boy.

T.V.: Arrested Development, Breaking Bad, Dexter (1 and 2), Freaks and Geeks, Fullmetal Alchemist, Louie, Party Down, Seinfeld.

Comedians: Louis C.K., George Carlin, David Cross, Ricky Gervais, Joe Rogan.

Music:
Bands: Dredg, Flogging Molly, Gogol Bordello, Goldfrapp, The Knife, La Roux, Mia., Movits!, Pepper, Sublime, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Yelle
Solo: Andrew Bird, Bat For Lashes, Beyonce, Björk, Britney Spears, Fever Ray, Hopsin, Kylie Minogue, Lady Gaga, Lupe Fiasco, Nellie McKay, Rihanna, Shakira, Zola Jesus
Electronica: Bassjackers, Dudeman, Electric Soulside, Fast Foot, Hardwell, Lazy Rich, LMFAO, Nicky Romero, Röyksopp, Sick Slaughterhouse, Tits and Clits, Tommy Trash
So yeah, EDM and catchy pop. Dance dance dance!

Video games: BF3, CS, DoD, DotA, UO.

Food: Gumbo, sourdough bread, boudin, guacamole, crêpes, stouts... Yes, I chew my stouts.

Cajun - not Creole you dumdums.
The six things I could never do without
A good brew, darker and stout'r.
Promiscuous and form fitting clothing.
Interesting sexuality, kink, vanilla, fetish, and fluid.
Witty humor and easy amusement.
Exciting company, relaxing friends, and adventurous criminals.
Cold weather, cozy cuddles, and cute, comfy clothes.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Money, boredom, cuties, which way to shake my butt to this song, dumb people, boobies, food, penis, being dictator, how good this thong/buttplug feels in my butt.

What foodies would do if the Fat Duck served a chicken salad on rye toast as a course.

Me: "Can you imagine how cute the girl version of me would be!?"
Friend: "But... Aren't you the girl version of you?"

I don't mistake education or status for intelligence. Just don't be so dumb that you dry off after getting out of the shower.

Speaking of which, why I should have to wait for someone to finish showering to do so myself. Why can't I just join in? You better not be a person that makes people wait.

How incredibly rude it is for cats to not meow back.

How to spoil my friends. Sursly, dood. It's almost a problem sometimes; I overthink how to spoil some of my friends. Be it food I want to make them, gifts to take a bank loan out to get them, massages that will wear my thumbs to nubs, or something else. brb, intervention.
On a typical Friday night I am
What the fuck is a weekend? I haven't had regular day off in over a year. Either way, out dancing my butt off, out eating or drinking, in making a feast, making someone come, cuddling with movies, having a game night, wishing for a game night, or working on some small project. I can sleep when I'm dead.

Be prepared, if I'm riding in your car I'll be barefoot with feet out the window. If its at night, I'll be naked. Speaking of which, my fagmobile has a strict policy of no one allowed in with clothes on.

I want some drank. But I'm up for anything, adventure time!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I don't know how to swim.

I wish I could behave as if I were on ecstasy normally... Like... Without the pills... I'm getting there!

I masturbated while in the drive through at an In-N-Out. No fucks given.

Barefoot around the house by myself? Yeah, I walk on my tippy toes. No idea why.

Aaaaaaand I peed on a homeless person once.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–34
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
Never message me if you'd rather cut off part of a child's dick than clean it.

If your age is ≤22, we won't be going past casual or friends.

You're going to at least meet me half way in regards to effort. I'm not looking to chase people down in order to hang out with them. Rather I'm looking for people who want me in their life as much as I want them.

Okay, now that the negative part is out of the way, message me if:

You have a hard time not smiling or laughing. People who are always up for fun and adventures! People who like cute things and appreciate life. I want crazy adventurous people as well as the relaxing and chill.

You don't make excuses. Everyone has a busy life. I want people who make time for their friends.

You're a nympho like me. You want to dance and cuddle naked outside in the rain. Let's talk sex because I have so many different interests I can share with people.

You'd like to help me produce fun porn! I have a lot of ideas I want to do, so let me know!

If you're interested in or affiliated with anything similar to the circus, I want to know you. I'm a circus groupie.

You think you can handle someone totally awesome.

You live out of state or in another country. If we become long distance frands, I could have a place to travel! You want to take me to Burning Man or other awesome events, I need people to go with!

Or if you're a tattoo artist who will trade for sex or massages :D I have nine or ten concrete tattoo ideas, and would love for them to be completed! Or you're from another country and want to marry me for citizenship reasons.

FetLife profile: irmerk

KiK: irmerk

Also, if you want to collaborate with me for my food blog! I'll be doing my own recipes and posting them, obviously, but my idea is to be a cute little twink naked chef!