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27 M North Hollywood, CA

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–40
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
A little extra
Agnosticism, and somewhat serious about it
Virgo, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I recently moved to LA from what could generously be called the East Coast. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing at any time ever, but I'm getting better at faking it. I'm an amateur stand-up comic and an even more amateur writer.

Probably the most important thing to know about me is that I have a real self-deprecating sense of humor. I mean only half of it, I promise.

What I'd really like in my life right now is somebody to get excited about, somebody I am simultaneously really into and completely comfortable with. That would be pretty nifty.

I would also like a pet dragon and a race car that runs on make-believe and sunshine. So... ya know.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
*Hearty laughter that grows more uncomfortable with each passing moment*
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm a pretty good writer and poet, or at least I'd like to think so. I'm also told I'm pretty funny.

I'm a genuinely nice person as well, but I don't consider that a talent. More the absence of a negative quality. Since when is "not an asshole" something special?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I get lots of compliments on my voice. Please note that I'm choosing to take people stumbling up to me and drunkenly mumbling, "You sound just like Brian*!" as a compliment.

*Brian is apparently the cartoon dog from Family Guy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: I don't have the patience for novels lately. Most of my reading is either books of poetry or graphic novels. Comics in general really intrigue me, but I'm not interested in superheroes. Charles Burns, Bryan Lee O'Malley, and Alan Moore are right up my alley, though. My favorite poet is probably Bukowski, because I am nothing if not an insufferable hipster.

Movies: Yeah, I like movies. Coen brothers are a favorite.

Shows: I think Rick and Morty is probably the best animated show on TV right now. Overall, though, I try to spend my time doing more productive things than watching TV.

Music: Modest Mouse. The Mountain Goats. The Pixies. Okkervil River. A handful of songs from The Shins, Neutral Milk Hotel, and the Dead Weathers pass muster, but I'd hesitate to call myself a fan. Everything else I either haven't heard of or actively dislike. Please message me and tell me how I am wrong about music. The previous sentence contains no sarcasm whatsoever, by the way.

Food: I tend to regard most food as a capsaicin delivery mechanism.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How awesome it would be to have magical powers.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I'll be sure to let you know once I find out what my new "typical" is. I'm brand new to the West Coast, keep in mind, so still kind of finding my feet.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The last OkCupid date I went on, the lady I was going to meet showed up blackout drunk. Like, could barely stand under her own power hammered.

So I'm what I'm saying is it's a pretty low bar to clear, ladies.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
... you're willing to tolerate somebody brand new to LA who really has no clue at all what he's doing (but is still pretty cool regardless).

Being new in town, I'm not looking to rush into anything serious. New friends would be nice, and I would definitely like a relationship at some point down the road. But I figure that will come with time.

I'm attracted to a wide range of women and body types, but I have to admit that tattoos, piercings, dyed hair and big dorky glasses are hot on damn near everybody. In my opinion, at least.

I recently realized I have a type, and that type is crazy. It's not that I enjoy drama, it's that I simply believe if you can pay your rent and hold down on a job while dealing with wild mild swings, hallucinations, or any of that shit then you are AMAZING and I admire your force of will. Also I just plain don't trust sane, healthy, well-adjusted people. What is wrong with you? What are you planning? Where is the mothership and how can I avoid assimilation?

I guess what I'm saying is Maria Bamford is my dream woman.