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27 North Hollywood, CA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–40
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 8:09am
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Agnosticism, and somewhat serious about it
Virgo, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I recently moved to LA from what could generously be called the East Coast. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing at any time ever, but I'm getting better at faking it. I'm an amateur stand-up comic and an even more amateur writer.

Probably the most important thing to know about me is that I have a real self-deprecating sense of humor. I mean only half of it, I promise.

What I'd really like in my life right now is somebody to get excited about, somebody I am simultaneously really into and completely comfortable with. That would be pretty nifty.

I would also like a pet dragon and a race car that runs on make-believe and sunshine. So... ya know.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
*Hearty laughter that grows more uncomfortable with each passing moment*
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm a pretty good writer and poet, or at least I'd like to think so. I'm also told I'm pretty funny.

I'm a genuinely nice person as well, but I don't consider that a talent. More the absence of a negative quality. Since when is "not an asshole" something special?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I get lots of compliments on my voice. Please note that I'm choosing to take people stumbling up to me and drunkenly mumbling, "You sound just like Brian*!" as a compliment.

Also, a common reaction I get from women I meet through this site is some variation of: "Wow, you're way more attractive than your pictures!" Which... isn't really a compliment? I guess it's better than the alternative, but still. First date protip: saying I look shitty in pictures isn't as flattering as you think.

Although yes I totally look shitty in pictures. Also on film. Also in mirrors. Also in the visual cortex of any given mammal. But other than that I'm a fuckin' looker, thank you very much.

*Brian is apparently the cartoon dog from Family Guy.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: I don't have the patience for novels lately. Most of my reading is either books of poetry or graphic novels. Comics in general really intrigue me, but I'm not interested in superheroes. Charles Burns, Bryan Lee O'Malley, and Alan Moore are right up my alley, though. My favorite poet is probably Bukowski, because I am nothing if not an insufferable hipster.

Movies: Yeah, I like movies. Coen brothers are a favorite.

Shows: I think Rick and Morty is probably the best animated show on TV right now. Lately I do not have the time to watch TV. Or, um, a TV. I'd like to continue my TV education, but this is a pretty low priority on the self-improvement totem pole for me.

Music: Modest Mouse is my absolute favorite, but I'm looking to expand my horizons.

Food: I tend to regard most food as a capsaicin delivery mechanism.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How awesome it would be to have magical powers.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I'll be sure to let you know once I find out what my new "typical" is. I'm brand new to the West Coast, keep in mind, so still kind of finding my feet.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The last OkCupid date I went on, the lady I was going to meet showed up blackout drunk. Like, could barely stand under her own power hammered.

So I'm what I'm saying is it's a pretty low bar to clear, ladies.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I never, ever have a good answer to this question. Or, more accurately, I never have a witty answer to this question. You should message me if you want to, I suppose? If something I said here amused or intrigued you?

Overall, though, you should keep in mind I'm brand new to LA. I feel this puts at me at a distinct disadvantage for most general, hetero-normative dating. I can't decide which bar we're going to, for example, or reasonably pay for the drinks or do other manly things (fixing cars? Killing indigenous peoples? Falling asleep immediately after experiencing an orgasm?). But if you can tolerate somebody who is equal parts bemused, bewildered and enchanted by the West Coast, please send me a message. I'd very much like to meet you.