So here we are, at the self-summary bit. How are you? oh shit this is supposed to be about me (fuck this is awkward) um so yes hello Good-Day To You, and allow me to introduce myself: I am a MAN seeking FUN TIMES and if you are down with that then please stay and chat for a bit if you want (oh jesus you're losing them already) so uh

Okay yeah fuck that was an pretty piss-poor attempt at humour (and aren't people who Capitalize Words Unnecessarily just irritating as heck?). So you've stumbled upon my profile somewhat ill-advisedly and are probably wondering who this fellow in the picture with the stupid expression on his face is. That would be me. I'm a recent University of Toronto graduate with an utterly useless BA in English literature currently working myself half to death as a restaurant line cook before I bugger off to Korea to teach ESL sometime next year. Get me while I'm fresh and hot, ladies! (oh god why did i say that)

So if you're looking for a laid-back, oddballish kind of guy who likes old books, weed, and inane chit-chat (like about an octopus circus, or inappropriate things to make out of play-doh or whatever), then drop me a line. I LITERALLY HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH MY TIME.

hey goon and/or goons. what up.

Cooking, listening to problems and making people laugh (not necessarily in that order), finding weird stuff on the internet, and uhh some other stuff I'm sure.

(I mean if you're asking me something like, hey man, have you ever gotten really drunk and written a rap song about not liking clowns? Then I would refuse to answer but possibly wink in a suggestively affirmative fashion. So yes other stuff.)

My favourite book is probably still Crime and Punishment, though I haven't read it in a few years now. I know my favourite novella is definitely Envy by Olesha, which is insane and amazingly brilliant. I have a bit of a thing for Russian lit.

Movies are The Nightmare Before Christmas, High Fidelity, and yeah shit i admit it the bone-crushing combination of excessive manliness that is Commando/Predator. Oh, and Snakes on a Plane. (Should I really be telling people this? Ah well.)

Been listening to a lot of slowcore recently, like Low or Codeine or Retribution Gospel Choir, but my all-time music boner is unquestionably sprung for Tom Waits. Bands like The Black Keys, Astronautalis, POS, Broken Social Scene, Iron and Wine, and the Silversun Pickups (hence the three-word thing) are all pretty high up there. (extra love to Flower Travelin' Band's Satori album which rocks my world.)

My socks. and air to breathe and stuff. gaseous elements etcetera.

Weird stuff, I suppose. Like if a chipmunk and a squirrel had a brawl or something, who would win? The squirrel has the weight advantage, maybe; but that chimpmunk... he's got the heart.

Hmm.

Stoned with sanctorum, and the rest of the future dead men, probably.

Such a magical life I lead!!

I write poetry on occasion (and sometimes foolishly entertain the thought that it isn't terrible).

...you're willing to settle for less.

(Seriously though, you've actually made it this far? Shit, you must have a lot of time on your hands. But if you've actually laughed at anything I've written down here thus far then you're fucking crazy and we'll probably get along just fine.)