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39 Minneapolis, MN Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 22–52
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 5:37pm
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Mostly other
Has a kid, but doesn’t want more
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am, most of the time, blunt, honest, and compassionate. The blunt honesty and the compassion are sometimes at odds, but I work it out most of the time. I am a pragmatist, a tough-lover, and an anti-coddler. Want honest and practical advice? I'm on it. Want someone to just feel sorry for you and tell you you're right when you aren't? Look elsewhere. I will tell you how I think a conflict looks from the other side, even if you don't want to hear it. But unless you're being a total dickbag, I will keep the judgment in check. And I will always keep your secrets safe. People love to confide in me.

A lot of people think I'm hilarious. A few people think I'm obnoxious. Some people think I'm brave, and while I certainly do exhibit that quality in many ways, if you get to know me you may find out the ways in which I am a total pussy.

I try really, really hard to see the awesomeness in all people. Sometimes I am successful. And sometimes I determine they are just assholes.

I am married, technically, at least in Canada, but my husband and I haven't been romantically involved in a few years. We have not divorced because there is not now, nor will there ever likely be, a need to do so. We are essentially roommates who have a child together. We share a home and parenting duties and we get along just fine. I know all of his girlfriends, and they are all awesome. He often meets the people I date. "Single" is an accurate practical description of my situation. I get a lot of questions/comments about this that make me think that perhaps I'm not being clear. He and I are not pretending to be together or any such bullshit. We're a publicly and privately broken up couple who are friends and harmoniously share the same roof over our heads but certainly not the same bedroom. This living situation is positive, is not a threat to any other relationships, and is not something we plan to change anytime soon.

I tend to not favor monogamy, but I absolutely do not self-identify as polyamorous, and when people refer to poly/non-monog as a "lifestyle", I That's not me. I can expand on that if asked, but basically it boils down to feeling like it would be odd to define my life by such a thing.

I have met plenty of really awesome men on OKC. We're talking high quality, fun, interesting people with whom I have had a ton of fun talking, dating, hanging out, making out, and banging. But these are largely not guys with whom I really want to spend my talking/hanging/making out/banging time on anything resembling a frequent basis. And I'm more than comfortable with that. I'd also be more than comfortable with...not that...but I'm also really busy (and happily so) with continually developing my own awesomeness.

I'm sort of an outgoing introvert. I'll have a grand loud time hanging out with friends at a party or talking to strangers at a bar, then go home early so I can have my required 1-2 hours of unwinding time before I sleep. I'm pretty sure there's a Myers-Briggs type for me, but I've never been able to get far in the test because I get super annoyed that I don't feel comfortable with any of the options to many of the questions, so I give up. That probably says a lot more about me than actually completing the assessment would.

I am not interested in riding bikes, being outdoors all the time (I'll walk/hike if it means I get to see way cool nature shit, and being by water can be fun...strolling around the lakes does not qualify), watching Doctor Who (or sci-fi in general, except for Star Wars because I recently let someone special turn me on to it) or not eating meat. I have absolutely zero problems with other people who are into that stuff, but it's just not my bag, and if it's important to you to connect with people who share those interests, we are not compatible. I'm throwing that out there because a ton of my really high matches are super outdoorsy bike-everywhere sci-fi loving meat avoiders. It's odd.

Clear grown-up communication is super important to me. I mean what I say, I say what I mean, nothing more, nothing less, and I expect the same from others. Don't read into shit, don't make assumptions. If I say "maybe" or "I don't know", it's genuine and means I haven't come to a decision's not a veiled "no". If you won't freak out about a person who has feelings and will express them, that'd be great.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I parent. I used to worry a lot about doing it right, until my son started exhibiting the qualities of a kind, caring, sensitive, and compassionate little human. If he's got that shit down at the age of eight, I'm doing a good job.

I work at an office job that, most of the time, I actually sort of like a lot. I have a fourteen syllable job title that makes me sound more important than I am.

I finished yoga teacher school in late 2014 and now that it's over, instead of feeling like I'm getting my life back after the that super intense experience, I'm still going to be stupid busy with all the things it made me want to do next.

I eat.

I talk.

I teach some free yoga classes. That's pretty neat.

I read.

I sleep.

I own three crock pots and I know how to use them.

I bake delicious things with no intention of eating (much of) them and I give them to my friends and coworkers.

I hit the thrift store circuit on the regular.

And I only take myself seriously with regard to things that matter. And what matters can change.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Talking about how I lost a bunch of fat pounds and gained some muscle pounds.

Drinking coffee at all hours.

Baking amazing cakes and cookies. I'm in a serious three-way relationship with my Bundt pan and my cookie dough scooper.


Making popcorn, on the stove (because air popped and microwave popcorn are gross), and ending up with only 1-2 unpopped kernels without burning it.

Using paint, tape, Dre Day stickers, and Mod Podge to turn a shitty old kitchen counter shelf into a fabulous bedside table.

Productivity under pressure. I procrastinate like a mofo but I don't miss deadlines.

Recognizing when I'm the asshole, and fixing that shit.

Buying cardigans.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm walking very quickly (at least 25% of automatic door sensors are too slow for me).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Standard "this is by no means all-inclusive" disclaimer. This is just whatever came into my head. Does it really matter, anyway? One of my favorite things about dating or making new friends is getting turned on to new things to read/watch/listen to/eat.

I will read anything by Mary Roach. I will read anything recommended by Mary Roach. In Packing for Mars, she said that if you only read one astronaut memoir, it should be Mike Mullane's Riding Rockets. She was right. Also, I devour John Grisham novels. If I believed in labeling things as "guilty pleasures", John Grisham would be mine. But I don't. Ain't nothing wrong with being entertained by a dude who pretty much writes the same book over and over and over again. Devil in the White City by Erik Larson was wonderful. Currently reading The Poisoner's Handbook and Soon I Will be Invincible.

I have seen Super Troopers, Office Space, and This is Spinal Tap too many times to count. I want to say that I like Wes Anderson movies, but I don't want to attract people who are way too into liking Wes Anderson movies. I dig true crime documentary shit. Oh, The American President...that movie fucking rules. My kid makes me watch Ghostbusters all the goddamn time. When I tried to get him to watch Zoolander, he shunned it, and I nearly disowned him. I recently watched Pain and Gain starring Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and it pretty much instantly became my new all-time favorite.

I loved the original Arrested Development but was so not impressed with the new season that after passing out drunk during the second to last episode (bottomless mimosas are dangerous), I never bothered to watch the finale. There are a lot of awesome things going on in the world of television that I have not seen. The final episode of The Wire made me sad and angry. I binge watched all of Breaking Bad in seven days. I wish I'd taken it a bit more slowly...around day four it started to feel like my job. A job I enjoyed, but still, a job. And I didn't love that show nearly as much as most people seem to. The last series I marathoned was The Shield, and I adored it. I want to watch it again, except for the season with Forest Whitaker, because holy shit that stupid constant grin was annoying. If Dutch Wagenbach was a real human, I would date him so hard.

I can never quite come to a decision on whether Paul's Boutique or License to Ill is my favorite Beastie Boys album. If you ever want to listen to anything involving Dan the Automator, I'm down. I want Frank Turner and Andrew Jackson Jihad to tour together constantly, with stops in Minneapolis no less than monthly. I want to cuddle with Ice Cube. I have a crush on Garth Brooks. Maroon 5 reminds me that awesome pop music does still get made once in awhile. I'm currently obsessed with Run the Jewels.

I will eat all the meat. I will steal your peanut butter. I think it's a bit weird to think about food as something with which one has a relationship, but I think about food a lot and I do think we're in a relationship. I've recently discovered a love for brussel sprouts. It shocked me.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I don't like this. I am renaming this "The six things (besides water) that I would choose to consume if I was only able/allowed to eat/drink six things".

coffee (cold press, homemade, very strong)
peanut butter
cows (their meat and things made from their milk...heavy cream for my coffee, cheese, butter, ice cream)
fruit (don't make me choose between berries and grapes)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What to look for the next time I go thrifting. I recently crossed stand mixer off the list for the low price of $15. This is the sort of shit I brag about.

What meat to eat.

Peanut butter.

Adequate protein consumption for maintaining/increasing muscle mass.

Whether or not my coffee supply is running low, and what I'm going to do about it.

People and why they do the things they do. Myself included.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Spooning frozen peanut butter straight from the jar to my facehole.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!

Mark Wahlberg is my favorite actor.

I sometimes drive embarrassingly short and easily walkable or single-bussable yoga classes.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You dig chicks who smell like Deep Woods Off. Seriously, I don't go outside during mosquito season without my 40% DEET.

You give really excellent massages of the non-sexual and non-creepy variety and want to exchange them for really excellent homemade baked goods (these baked goods are not sexual or creepy by default, but I'll consider custom work..I could probably cobble together a wang cake or whatever). Okay, so this offer is actually no longer on the table, but I don't want to remove the paragraph because "wang cake" cracks me up.

You don't believe there's any such thing a dessert being too rich and have never met a cake with too much frosting on it.

You'll give me a minimal amount of shit about the fact that despite all this talk about desserts, I avoid most of the carbs most of the time.

You want to talk about your favorite ice cream flavor(s). And if you know someplace local that stocks Clemmy's coffee ice cream, MESSAGE ME RIGHT NOW PLEASE MOTHERFUCKER. Let me be clear: I am looking for solid info. Not "I think I saw some Clemmy's at this store but I don't know which flavors". Not "Here's the list of MN retailers from the Clemmy's website". I've done plenty of research and driven plenty of miles. I don't care if you THINK you MIGHT know. I appreciate everyone who has tried to be helpful, but...y'all aren't helping. If you've seen it with your own eyes, hit me up.

There is always butter in your kitchen.

Your self-esteem doesn't depend on getting a response. I feel like I need to expand on that because I keep getting comments on it. Look, if I'm not interested in getting to know you at all, I'm not going to respond. If that's going to make you feel bad, that only indicates that you aren't a well-adjusted person who knows your own value and understands that rejection doesn't automatically indicate something bad about you. Love yourself a little, for fuck's sake.

And I guess I'll put this here: OK Cupid gave me a free week of A-list, and I used it to sort through everyone who had liked me on quickmatch. But...I think quickmatch is pretty dumb. If I am interested in you, I'm probably going to send you a message (I just may not do it immediately upon viewing your profile for the first time because I like to put some thought and effort into messages but am not always up for thought and effort when I'm browsing profiles). If you are interested in me, you should probably send me a message. We are secure and confident adults who aren't so afraid of rejection that we don't want to risk messaging someone unless we know they are interested too, right? What is this, junior high?