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ishallnotregret

38 F Minneapolis, MN

My Details

Last Online
Today – 2:02am
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
Height
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Fit
Diet
Mostly other
Smokes
Trying to quit
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Sign
Education
Job
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Has a kid, but doesn’t want more
Pets
Speaks
English

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am, most of the time, blunt, honest, and compassionate. The blunt honesty and the compassion are sometimes at odds, but I work it out most of the time. I am a pragmatist, a tough-lover, and an anti-coddler. Want honest and practical advice? I'm on it. Want someone to just feel sorry for you and tell you you're right when you aren't? Look elsewhere. I will tell you how I think a conflict looks from the other side, even if you don't want to hear it. But unless you're being a total dickbag, I will keep the judgment in check. And I will always keep your secrets safe. People love to confide in me.

A lot of people think I'm hilarious. A few people think I'm obnoxious. Some people think I'm brave, and while I certainly do exhibit that quality in many ways, if you get to know me you may find out the ways in which I am a total pussy.

I try really, really hard to see the awesomeness in all people. Sometimes I am successful. And sometimes I determine they are just assholes.

I am married, technically, at least in Canada, but my husband and I haven't been romantically involved in a few years. We have not divorced because there is not now, nor will there ever likely be, a need to do so. We are essentially roommates who have a child together. We share a home and parenting duties and we get along just fine. I know all of his girlfriends, and they are all awesome. He often meets the people I date. "Single" is an accurate practical description of my situation.

I tend to not favor monogamy, but I absolutely do not self-identify as polyamorous, and when people refer to poly/non-monog as a "lifestyle", I just...no. That's not me. I can expand on that if asked, but basically it boils down to feeling like it would be odd to define my life by such a thing.

I have met plenty of really awesome men on OKC. We're talking high quality humans...good people with whom I have had a ton of fun talking, dating, hanging out, making out, and banging. But after a year on here (this time around), I have yet to meet anyone with whom I really want to spend my talking/hanging/making out/banging time on anything resembling a frequent basis. And I'm more than comfortable with that. I'd also be more than comfortable with...not that. And that, folks, is the beauty of happily being me.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I parent. I used to worry a lot about doing it right, until my son started exhibiting the qualities of a kind, caring, sensitive, and compassionate little human. If he's got that shit down at the age of seven, I'm doing a good job.

I work at an office job that, most of the time, I actually sort of like a lot. I have a fourteen syllable job title that makes me sound more important than I am.

I practice yoga. Specifically, most often yoga sculpt, but I throw in a vinyasa or restorative class about once a week. I can now hold crow pose for longer than two seconds and more frequently than every few months, and I'm ecstatic about that.

I clean a yoga studio for two hours per week in exchange for unlimited classes. I am getting so (much more) ripped.

I'm saving up money for yoga teacher training. It's going to take awhile. Shit's expensive.

I eat.

I talk.

I read.

I sleep.

I own three crock pots and I know how to use them.

I hit the thrift store circuit on the regular.

And I only take myself seriously with regard to things that matter. And what matters can be fluid.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Bragging about how I lost 73 pounds (and then put a few back on in the form of muscle).

Crunches. When the yoga teacher asks the class if we have anything particular we'd like to work on, I'm the bitch who pisses off all the other students by asking for more ab work. Bring that shit on, because I've got progress to make. But fuck your planks and fuck your lunges.

Crafting sweet biceps and terrifying thighs. My ass is getting there. I love squats.

Talking about myself.

Drinking coffee at all hours.

Baking amazing cakes. I'm in a serious relationship with my Bundt pan.

Making popcorn, on the stove (because air popped and microwave popcorn are gross), and ending up with only 1-2 unpopped kernels without burning it.

Using paint, tape, Dre Day stickers, and Mod Podge to turn a shitty old kitchen counter shelf into a fabulous bedside table.

Productivity under pressure. I procrastinate like a mofo but I don't miss deadlines.

Recognizing when I'm the asshole, and fixing that shit.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Sweet biceps and terrifying thighs.

The fantastically ugly thrift store dress I'm wearing.

I'm walking very quickly (at least 25% of automatic door sensors are too slow for me).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Standard "this is by no means all-inclusive" disclaimer. This is just whatever came into my head. Does it really matter, anyway? One of my favorite things about dating or making new friends is getting turned on to new things to read/watch/listen to/eat.

I will read anything by Mary Roach. I will read anything recommended by Mary Roach. In Packing for Mars, she said that if you only read one astronaut memoir, it should be Mike Mullane's Riding Rockets. She was right. Also, I devour John Grisham novels. If I believed in labeling things as "guilty pleasures", John Grisham would be mine. But I don't. Ain't nothing wrong with being entertained by a dude who pretty much writes the same book over and over and over again.

I have seen Super Troopers, Office Space, and This is Spinal Tap too many times to count. I want to say that I like Wes Anderson movies, but I don't want to attract people who are way too into liking Wes Anderson movies. I dig true crime documentary shit. Oh, The American President...that movie fucking rules. My kid makes me watch Ghostbusters all the goddamn time. When I tried to get him to watch Zoolander, he shunned it, and I nearly disowned him.

I am sad that Intervention has ended. I'm just about finished with Arrested Development. Let's talk about what happened to Portia de Rossi's face. There are a lot of awesome things going on in the world of television that I have not seen. The final episode of The Wire made me sad and angry. I recently binge watched all of Breaking Bad in seven days. I wish I'd taken it a bit more slowly...around day four it started to feel like my job. A job I enjoyed, but still, a job. I just finished The Shield, and I adored it. I want to watch it again, except for the season with Forest Whitaker, because holy shit that stupid constant grin was annoying. If Dutch Wagenbach was a real human, I would date him so hard.

I would have my tubes untied to make babies with any living Beastie Boy. Or Robin Thicke. Or Garth Brooks. The new Deltron album is fantastic. If you ever want to listen to anything involving Dan the Automator, I'm down. I want Frank Turner and Andrew Jackson Jihad to tour together constantly, with stops in Minneapolis no less than monthly. I want to cuddle with Ice Cube. Maroon 5 reminds me that awesome pop music does still get made once in awhile.

I will eat all the meat. I will steal your peanut butter. I think it's a bit weird to think about food as something with which one has a relationship, but I think about food a lot and I do think we're in a relationship. I've recently discovered a love for brussel sprouts. It shocked me.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I don't like this. I am renaming this "The six things (besides water) that I would choose to consume if I was only able/allowed to eat six things for the rest of my life".

coffee
heavy whipping cream
(those first two go together, always)
peanut butter
ice cream
cows
cheese

Oh shit, I guess butter didn't make the list. If the cows can be only in the form of steaks, preferably ribeyes, I'll give up the cheese for butter.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What to look for the next time I go thrifting. I recently crossed stand mixer off the list for the low price of $15. This is the sort of shit I brag about.

What meat to eat.

Peanut butter.

Adequate protein consumption for maintaining/increasing muscle mass.

Whether or not my coffee supply is running low, and what I'm going to do about it.

My love-hate relationship with yoga and those who teach it.

The body type options on here. I chose "fit" because that's how I see myself on my best days. Some days I'd say "thin". Other days I'd say "average". Most days I'd say it's pretty fucking annoying to try to figure that out, and I'm tempted to leave it blank.

People and why they do the things they do. Myself included.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
It used to be spooning frozen peanut butter straight from the jar to my facehole, but that became calorically dangerous. Now I roast green beans and whole garlic cloves and eat piles of them and they make me really gassy, but it's so tasty that I don't give a fuck.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The most private thing I'm willing to admit is that I sometimes have to arrange social plans around the gassiness induced by my aforementioned Friday night bean and garlic binges.
I’m looking for
  • Guys and girls who like bi girls
  • Ages 22–52
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You dig chicks who smell like Deep Woods Off. Seriously, I don't go outside during mosquito season without my 40% DEET.

You give really excellent massages of the non-sexual and non-creepy variety and want to exchange them for really excellent homemade baked goods (these baked goods are not sexual or creepy by default, but I'll consider custom work..I could probably cobble together a wang cake or whatever).

You have a good maple frosting/icing/ganache recipe for my collection.

You don't believe there's any such thing a dessert being too rich and have never met a cake with too much frosting on it.

You'll give me a minimal amount of shit about the fact that despite all this talk about desserts, I avoid most of the carbs most of the time.

You want to talk about your favorite ice cream flavor(s). And if you know someplace local other than the Whole Foods in Edina that stocks Clemmy's coffee ice cream, MESSAGE ME RIGHT NOW PLEASE MOTHERFUCKER. Let me be clear: I am looking for solid info. Not "I think I saw some Clemmy's at this store but I don't know which flavors". Not "Here's the list of MN retailers from the Clemmy's website". I've done plenty of research and driven plenty of miles. I don't care if you THINK you MIGHT know. I appreciate everyone who has tried to be helpful, but...y'all aren't helping. If you've seen it with your own eyes, hit me up.

You have strong positive feelings about butter.

Your self-esteem doesn't depend on getting a response. I feel like I need to expand on that because I keep getting comments on it. Look, if I'm not interested in getting to know you at all, I'm not going to respond. If that's going to make you feel bad, that only indicates that you aren't a well-adjusted person who knows your own value and understands that rejection doesn't automatically indicate something bad about you. Love yourself a little, for fuck's sake.

And I guess I'll put this here: OK Cupid have me with a free week of A-list, and I used it to sort through everyone who had liked me on quickmatch. But...I think quickmatch is pretty dumb. If I am interested in you, I'm going to send you a message. If you are interested in me, you should send me a message. We are secure and confident adults who aren't so afraid of rejection that we don't want to risk messaging someone unless we know they are interested too, right? What is this, junior high?