whether or not the astonishing number of OKC photos of people
making out with their animals signifies that beastiality is the new
thing (tumblr forthcoming).
whether or not all the women with "taco" in their name *not* know
that it means vagina???
How come there are more people on here who have photos of
themselves jumping out of airplanes than who don't have pictures of
themselves jumping out of airplanes??
"Wheee, look at me - I'm jumping out of an airplaine, and I'm
*still* boring!" (Apologies, I think I have comedy tourette's,
where I can't stop myself from saying things that I think are
funny, no matter how mean or awful)
Other recurring profile themes:
"oooh, here's me managing to seem boring while doing yoga in Bali
against a breathtaking sunset backdrop!"
"Here's me with orphans in a village in Ghana! They all look sad
because I'm boring them to death! Note how everyone's clothes are
full of dust and dirt, and mine are sparkling white, like the teeth
gleaming out of my oblivious smile!"
(they need to make an iphone app for dating sites that puts your
face on photos of skydiving and next to African orphans)
"I'm in a deeply committed relationship with my primary partner,
the sweet, sexy ZZZdullbor69, in addition to two other boyfriends
and three girlfriends, and I'm on here looking for more in order to
complete our polyamorous pentagon or hexagon pod - although you'd
think having sex and affction should be my full time job, my OKC
psych questions indicate that I don't like affection, I don't
cuddle, I don't like sleeping next to my partner(s) and I ideally
want to have sex only once a week"
"I'm 35 years old and my whole profile is just me talking about how
many tattoos and piercings I have because nothing else is
interesting about me!"
"hold it right there! before you dare try and contact me, let me
tell you right now that like 75% of people on here, I have a
non-standard gender identity and sexual orientation which I'm dead
serious about - so serious that I'm going to spend my entire
profile talking about it because I have no real identity and
nothing else to say!"
"Closed-minded people, refrain from messaging me - body positive,
sex positive, vegan, gluten-free, polyamorous, gender-fluid,
cis-queer, post-racial, pansexual, INTJ, anarcho-syndicalist,
tattoed, atheist saggitarians with stretched ears who meditate
frequently and don't drive cars ONLY need apply"
"My dog/cat is in every single photo with me - I'm smiling
gleefully and squeezing the shit out ot him/her and making out with
her/him, while s/he has no clue what's going on, except that s/he's
mildly annoyed that I'm oblivious to his/her state of mind and just
need to smother something to death - this is a perfect metaphor for
our future relationship! that is to say if I can ever stop
molesting my dog long enough to pay any attention to you"
(Me: "how come a good natured easygoing guy like me is still
N.B. I don't automatically hate you if you have photos with African
orphans or if you're polyamorous with four partners; it's just that
there is so much self-contradicting nonsense on here, and a lot of
these same contradictions and tropes pop up in every 3rd profile,
and it's kind of traumatizing...
there's a big snowstorm today (february), and there's only a narrow
trail on the sidewalk where one person can pass at a time - why am
I the only person who gets out of the way so that the other person
can pass? After a while, I started playing "chicken" to see if the
other person would be the one to move, but it's like it doesn't
even occur to them; men, women, young, old, they don't flinch, like
I don't mind being courteous, but what's going on with people? If I
don't move will I end up bodychecking these barnyard animals out of
A few days after posting that story a woman on OKC writes to
"Just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one getting
out of people's way on a narrow path, I'm the other one. And I
decided to play " chicken" once and what do you think? A young guy
didn't even flinch, "body checked" me off the sidewalk. Just
continue doing what you're doing, someone should (besides
(I didn't tell her it was me...)